licklickmymyballsballs
New member
i always blame it on my autism but its just type 1, the least severe type. my school, ive gone to for nearly 3 years now. i have never made a friend. i literally have made conversation but how the fuck do you even get to the "lets hangout outside of school & exchange socials" stage? how do you even bring that shit up? i have roomates, we have only ever hanged out i guess to grab furniture, groceries for the house. there was a house party the only party ive ever been to/invited to cos its at my house and all i did was eat pizza i brought for everyone and sit on the couch work on my business add to the conversation theyre having near me every now and then (they acted like they heard none of it) then im like fuck it drank half a bottle of whiskey to finally be talkative then i end up throwing up twice in a row in a bin i still havent cleaned weeks later and im yelled at because ohhh its $40 worth of whiskey pay me back even tho u paid 71$ worth of pizza for the party fuck parties my roomates friends she had the party for they avoided me ever since
whenever im asked if i have friends i dont even bring up i have like 1-2 online friends anymore that just makes it even more embarassing. they look at my like crazy even my therapist but i mean i do get my socialisation in with roomates and school i go out to dinners cinemas with my parents i dont remember the last time ive actually hanged out with someone my age is that a bad thing? friends isnt really essential to survival is it? ive never had a friend group but im so sick of being seen like an insane freak whenever i answer that no i dont have friends i havent hanged out with people my age, im told go to the pub go to the club i dont even know how to approach people seems like a terrible idea. i used to go ice skating, archery club of course i made zero friends there, at one point i got so desperate i went to a youth meetup club thingy, everyone there was so fucking autistic they did a lego competition i felt like a staff member at a primary school nerd club. never went back holy shet. my landlord/youth worker (im in community goverment housing) feels so bad for me shes arranged for a hangout with some other autsitic person at the thrift store of all things what. how tf do i even socialise well in a shopping enviroment? how the fuck do i get irl friends? am i doomed because with every opportunity thrown at me i make nothing of it?
whenever im asked if i have friends i dont even bring up i have like 1-2 online friends anymore that just makes it even more embarassing. they look at my like crazy even my therapist but i mean i do get my socialisation in with roomates and school i go out to dinners cinemas with my parents i dont remember the last time ive actually hanged out with someone my age is that a bad thing? friends isnt really essential to survival is it? ive never had a friend group but im so sick of being seen like an insane freak whenever i answer that no i dont have friends i havent hanged out with people my age, im told go to the pub go to the club i dont even know how to approach people seems like a terrible idea. i used to go ice skating, archery club of course i made zero friends there, at one point i got so desperate i went to a youth meetup club thingy, everyone there was so fucking autistic they did a lego competition i felt like a staff member at a primary school nerd club. never went back holy shet. my landlord/youth worker (im in community goverment housing) feels so bad for me shes arranged for a hangout with some other autsitic person at the thrift store of all things what. how tf do i even socialise well in a shopping enviroment? how the fuck do i get irl friends? am i doomed because with every opportunity thrown at me i make nothing of it?
