i feel like i'm missing something in entire "confidence is key" thing

[gatherergirl]

for clarification, i'm not talking about that banal "hurrdurr, why are normies talking about confidence when it's all looks" trope emotional cripples on these forums like to lose their mind over.

beyond those instances where people are just being lazy and spamming platitudes, i noticed that many genuinely place a lot of value on that trait and i don't get why. at the end of the day, you are simply either good enough or you aren't. you can get the job done or you can't. you qualify for something in someone's eyes or you don't. i don't see a scenario in which your perception, realistic or not, of your abilities and how you signal that perception to others becomes a relevant factor for anything. in fact, if you are interacting with anyone remotely smart and experienced, the only effect your boasting or display of confidence of any kind will have is them starting to scan for red alerts.

@Darkeningstar, can you explain what i'm missing? you seem to have a radar for this stuff. why is everyone and their mother always going on and on about the utmost importance of being confident and believing in yourself? i m not even saying this with the stance that people are retarded or delusional or not particularly insightful, i m starting to suspect i m missing something.

out of 10 situations in my recent past i can recall that led to a positive outcome (not talking about fucking women here, just interactions with colleagues, family, strangers) and my perceived value in the eyes of others increasing, i (pretty overtly) acted like a borderline self-harming, autodestructive abused dog in at least 8 of them.

vice versa, when i open my mental "cringe moments i should suppress from my memory" library, it's predominantly situations where i dabbled in showmanship of any kind

 

[holytruecoper]

confidence is real thing. if you are born htn+ and nt you have the confidence to do anything

 

[Absurditymaxxer]

My parents a big on this but it collides with my extremely pessimistic and "second guess everything but prepare for the absolute worst case scenario" outlook on life

extremely pessimistic and "second guess everything bur prepare for the absolute worst case scenario" outlook on life

I don't think this is an inherently bad thing btw

 

[gatherergirl]

My parents a big on this but it collides with my extremely pessimistic and "second guess everything but prepare for the absolute worst case scenario" outlook on life



I don't think this is an inherently bad thing btw

just quote the part of your post you can still simply edit in the edit of that same post theory

holy AURA

 

[🧿]

Just don’t have negative confidence level (don’t bring yourself down), that’s will be enough for you if you qualify in other factors (looks, physical abilities, intellect, knowledge, experience)

 

[Darkeningstar]

The common usage of “confidence” is the equivalent of “I don't appreciate quality because I’m envious of quality”
Useless

As for true confidence, I think it’s the practical ability to adapt to the situation by recognising one's own qualities and the shortcomings of others
Does it have an impact? Yes

You’ve already noticed this: those who are naturally perceived as confident might benefit from showing less confidence (assuming a linearity, it’s not always the case) and blah, blah

Now: do people appreciate real confidence or even value it? As I implied before: no

It’s a social instrument to avoid recognising the value

Is it worth worrying about? Yes, if you deal with people directly, otherwise...

 

[gatherergirl]

The common usage of “confidence” is the equivalent of “I don't appreciate quality because I’m envious of quality”
Useless

As for true confidence, I think it’s the practical ability to adapt to the situation by recognising one's own qualities and the shortcomings of others
Does it have an impact? Yes

You’ve already noticed this: those who are naturally perceived as confident might benefit from showing less confidence (assuming a linearity, it’s not always the case) and blah, blah

Now: do people appreciate real confidence or even value it? As I implied before: no

It’s a social instrument to avoid recognising the value

Is it worth worrying about? Yes, if you deal with people directly, otherwise...

delivered, as expected

 

[gatherergirl]

The common usage of “confidence” is the equivalent of “I don't appreciate quality because I’m envious of quality”
Useless

As for true confidence, I think it’s the practical ability to adapt to the situation by recognising one's own qualities and the shortcomings of others
Does it have an impact? Yes

You’ve already noticed this: those who are naturally perceived as confident might benefit from showing less confidence (assuming a linearity, it’s not always the case) and blah, blah

Now: do people appreciate real confidence or even value it? As I implied before: no

It’s a social instrument to avoid recognising the value

Is it worth worrying about? Yes, if you deal with people directly, otherwise...

now that i read your post, i think that it's 2 categories of people who are much more likely to both value confidence as an idea and "confidencemaxx" knowing it's just conversational jewelry:
- people who are insecure about their low status and secretly aspire to move up on the social ladder
- people whose solid+ status is based on frauding of all sorts, which is a lifestyle that requires meticulous maintenance