I have towering highs, but my lows are dangerously low.

[Orka]

.

 

[Orka]

Did not mean to post.

 

[Orka]

I can just postmax here to vent tbh, shits so weird

One day I'll be extremely happy and confident, and the next I'll be miserable and want to die and lose motivation for everything

my dad has bpd, I doubt I have it, I'm very sure I'm neurotypical

 

[Deleted Member 86695]

.

 

[Orka]

fuck knows, I'll see if messing around with nootropics makes me more suicidal to the point that I kill myself, or if it helps motivate me to the point where I can actually get shit done

I can't rely on bursts of motivation forever

 

[Deleted Member 86695]

.

well doesn't that apply to everyone? sure it varies but it's a given general average

 

[Orka]

well doesn't that apply to everyone? sure it varies but it's a given general average

Maybe it does, I don't know

It's very weird though, I'd assume my mood would follow a general theme, but it's been consistently inconsistent for years

 

[Blackpillirony]

I can just postmax here to vent tbh, shits so weird

One day I'll be extremely happy and confident, and the next I'll be miserable and want to die and lose motivation for everything

my dad has bpd, I doubt I have it, I'm very sure I'm neurotypical

-Claims NT
-Rots on looksmaxxing forums

 

[Deleted Member 86695]

Maybe it does, I don't know

It's very weird though, I'd assume my mood would follow a general theme, but it's been consistently inconsistent for years

well yeah that's the whole point, you have to learn to "control" it

 

[Orka]

-Claims NT
-Rots on looksmaxxing forums

I still don't get the correlation

You guys don't understand what I lost

I was the popular kid in an american/international highschool in poland

I had a 2 year talking stage, we were inlove

then I moved out of the country and lost everything

I'm sitting in my room, I dream of dating a girl I last talked to in december of 2024, and I'm venting here

does that make me neurodivergent? I doubt it, but it does make me a loser

 

[Orka]

well yeah that's the whole point, you have to learn to "control" it

I'll be 18 in a month and 12 days, it is far too late for me to learn and I'm sure this will come back to bite me

 

[dominantchad]

.

 

[Deleted Member 86695]

I'll be 18 in a month and 12 days, it is far too late for me to learn and I'm sure this will come back to bite me

How is it "far too late" Mood regulation is something plenty of people don't learn until late into their 20's

 

[Blackpillirony]

I still don't get the correlation

You guys don't understand what I lost

I was the popular kid in an american/international highschool in poland

I had a 2 year talking stage, we were inlove

then I moved out of the country and lost everything

I'm sitting in my room, I dream of dating a girl I last talked to in december of 2024, and I'm venting here

does that make me neurodivergent? I doubt it, but it does make me a loser

I was mostly kidding with that reply g. But damn that must suck to lose a girl you thought you could settle with. I too stopped talking with a girl I really thought accepted me and could've loved me in December 2024.

 

[Orka]

I get messages from people who are not homeschooled, socialize etc. and I just wonder how it's possible for them to have gotten into the same community as me, I'm here because I've been socially isolated

I live in italy but don't speak italian like at all, my dad forced me to host a party since he still thinks I just need to adapt to italy, the party was nice, but I don't think i'll host one again

moving changed me so much

I hate italy

 

[Orka]

I was mostly kidding with that reply g. But damn that must suck to lose a girl you thought you could settle with. I too stopped talking with a girl I really thought accepted me and could've loved me in December 2024.

Rough shit

I didn't lose her in December 2024

I lost her far before that, around October 2023, which is when we moved

then I got into Looksmax


I crave socializing again, I haven't had friends for 2 years

 

[Orka]

I'm not posting this on org since a few of my online friends are on there, whereas here I practically don't know anybody

I don't expect a response from anyone, I just need to talk to myself, when I type, I read out what I say, so in a way just this is comforting

 

[Orka]

oh look i got the reputable tag

 

[Orka]

Even if I ascend

I'll have injected myself with filler, test, hcg, i'd have taken tons of nootropics to experiment

but at the end of the day I'll still be a social outcast, and there's nothing I can inject to change that

 

[Orka]

Why should I work on creating a gorgeous shell when I will always be the same rotten snail

bars

not really

whatever

 

[Orka]

I'm doing that thing again, everythings super far away from me

at least in my eyes everythings becoming super far from me

my ears become more sensitive and it feels like everythings extremely distant. I don't know

 

[Orka]

It's just a state i get in, I used to do it a lot when my dad yelled at me, but I doubt that's related, maybe it's just during states of emotional confusion

 

[Blackpillirony]

Rough shit

I didn't lose her in December 2024

I lost her far before that, around October 2023, which is when we moved

then I got into Looksmax


I crave socializing again, I haven't had friends for 2 years

Yeah I'll admit that I go out much less with friends after joining both forums, hopefully I can go at least once before my winter session starts. There must be a few English speaking students in your campus, no ?

 

[Orka]

I brought up aromatization to an online friend

he told me woww what are you some sort of scientist

that felt nice

I was hoping that all the looksmaxing knowledge I got would get me that kind of validation honestly

I don't know, I'm starting to not understand why I should even Looksmax, I miss my friends

 

[Monsieur Meow]

idc sharks are better

 

[Orka]

Yeah I'll admit that I go out much less with friends after joining both forums, hopefully I can go at least once before my winter session starts. There must be a few English speaking students in your campus, no ?

I do online school, there is no campus

 

[Orka]

idc sharks are better

They're cool animals

I used to love tiger sharks, I had a book in my grandparents place, and when I visited I'd flip to this one page where there was an illustration of tons of sharks

my family thought I was reading the book, I just liked how they looked

 

[Orka]

whatever

 

[Deleted Member 47925]

Same thing happens to me, i realized it's small things that piss me of and throw me in a terrible spiral.
I then act selfishly and forget my morals.

But i do have traits of bpd, it's more common to have multiple personality disorders. I just hope it's not bpd.

 

[Orka]

Same thing happens to me, i realized it's small things that piss me of and throw me in a terrible spiral.

That is exactly what just happened to me

 

[Deleted Member 47925]

That is exactly what just happened to me

Yah that decaying feeling is like no other, you blame everyone but yourself in those moments and things start clicking that wouldn't before due to paranoia.

I wish this on no one.

 

[Deleted Member 80198]

I get messages from people who are not homeschooled, socialize etc. and I just wonder how it's possible for them to have gotten into the same community as me, I'm here because I've been socially isolated

I live in italy but don't speak italian like at all, my dad forced me to host a party since he still thinks I just need to adapt to italy, the party was nice, but I don't think i'll host one again

moving changed me so much

I hate italy

you’re grieving. no disorder necessary to experience hurt like this.

everything feeling far away is derealization. happens to me when I think about my childhood too long. usually your brain tryna protect itself. idk bout you but putting labels on things makes it easier. you don’t need to be dying to ask for help. how’s your support system? if you ever want to talk I’m here for ya. we might be strangers but we are more similar than different.

 

[Deleted Member 80198]

being taken from a place that felt like home into a new system is enough to make the strongest warrior suffer. however even one good friend could help. you need to find that “home” in someone now. you might hate this new place but starting off learning the language won’t kill u. there’s prob some clubs that you can join to help. facebook and some online communities similar to this forum (area specific) could have some guys who feel similar to you. good starting point.

what do you miss the most about Poland? you need to find that sort of passion here. motivation is so fucking annoying and fleeting so having a stable thing to work towards could be the one reason to get out of bed every morning. you also need a way to lessen the grief pal. you may ruminate about it but you’re probably suppressing those emotions hella rn.

the cool thing about humans is how resilient we are. you will be too. it’s a temporary setback but once you find the things that remind you how valuable life is, you might be back in your prime emotional state. love you man, stay safe.

 

[Deleted Member 80198]

or maybe you didn’t want advice afterall. sometimes having someone listen is some good medicine too.

 

[Orka]

you’re grieving. no disorder necessary to experience hurt like this.

everything feeling far away is derealization. happens to me when I think about my childhood too long. usually your brain tryna protect itself. idk bout you but putting labels on things makes it easier. you don’t need to be dying to ask for help. how’s your support system? if you ever want to talk I’m here for ya. we might be strangers but we are more similar than different.

Everything feeling far away was a physical description

I know it's a weird way to describe it but it's something like having a high FOV in minecraft, that tree is the same distance away but it just seems further.

I appreciate your kind words, love you man

 

[Orka]

being taken from a place that felt like home into a new system is enough to make the strongest warrior suffer. however even one good friend could help. you need to find that “home” in someone now. you might hate this new place but starting off learning the language won’t kill u. there’s prob some clubs that you can join to help. facebook and some online communities similar to this forum (area specific) could have some guys who feel similar to you. good starting point.

I'm planning on moving out this year since I turn 18, therefore any attempts at learning the language would be futile

 

[Orka]

what do you miss the most about Poland? you need to find that sort of passion here. motivation is so fucking annoying and fleeting so having a stable thing to work towards could be the one reason to get out of bed every morning. you also need a way to lessen the grief pal. you may ruminate about it but you’re probably suppressing those emotions hella rn.

I might be, I miss friends, but I know that if i move to poland it won't be easy finding english speaking friends, but I suppose I could just contact old school friends to try and find a circle again

 

[insomnia]

Maybe it does, I don't know

It's very weird though, I'd assume my mood would follow a general theme, but it's been consistently inconsistent for years

I feel the same way icl, I’m either Rock bottom or motivated asf. I’m afraid one day the motivation won’t come back and I’ll be left feeling like shit constantly

 

[Deleted Member 80198]

Everything feeling far away was a physical description
View attachment 260284
I know it's a weird way to describe it but it's something like having a high FOV in minecraft, that tree is the same distance away but it just seems further.

I appreciate your kind words, love you man

have you ever tried to pull yourself out of that state before? high fov is a genius way to explain it though haha

I mean like splashing cold water on your face when everything feels distant orrr just doing something to ground yourself in that moment? it’s kind of stupid but doing something ridiculous for a minute helps me snap out of it so it might help you.

and of course dude. I care about you hella. at the end of the day we just wanna be seen. I hear you, and i understand you.

 

[Deleted Member 80198]

I'm planning on moving out this year since I turn 18, therefore any attempts at learning the language would be futile

oh nice! are you moving for Uni?

but also just a small reminder. you might not really hate Italy as much as you dislike the social isolation. even if you’re moving in the next year, you’ll still be stuck where you are for 6-12 months. language is sort of a grounding tool. im definitely not suggesting that you integrate into Italy and need to love it: but it might help to have just one bar guy recognize you and smile in the morning, maybe a dude nods at you at the gym… just some basic knowledge. what you choose to do is absolutely your choice and it’s valid, but I’m just givin my grain of salt

 

[Deleted Member 80198]

I might be, I miss friends, but I know that if i move to poland it won't be easy finding english speaking friends, but I suppose I could just contact old school friends to try and find a circle again

ahh I understand.

if you moved back today and you had one of your old friends go like
“holy shit you’re back”
or one friend met you for coffee it’s a guarantee you’d feel about 50% better. it’s like your life there is on pause. but also depending on the place you end up maybe you’ll get lucky with people speaking English. I was in Warsaw for a bit and I met a small group of guys who spoke English so it was nice to hang out with them for a bit. you’re a smart guy, and full of a lot of interesting things to say. I’ll bet my left thumb you’ll find some friends in no time if you tried even half as hard as what ya do to looksmax