I usually live in a state of semi delusion

[еy88]

Where I feel very happy with the world, my future, everything etc

Then for a few moments I randomly become very sober and depressed/have this creeping feeling

Not sure exactly how to describe it but its like the title says, I feel like I was just believing in a lie before and my illusions have been shattered and everything is cope

 

[Tumor]

Are you a narcissist by any chance?

 

[еy88]

Are you a narcissist by any chance?

I wouldnt say so

 

[princeps]

creeping feeling but its that im wasting my life and youth

 

[еy88]

creeping feeling but its that im wasting my life and youth

for me its more that I won't get the things I want/the things I want are cope/that I am a loser

 

[height]

Were you compared to others as a kid?

 

[еy88]

Were you compared to others as a kid?

Probably, aren't most kids?

 

[height]

Probably, aren't most kids?

No because when a parent compares their child to someone else constantly the child feels unwanted and their self-esteem collapses. Your parent probably made you feel like you are a disappointment. You're angry because they didn't take responsibility for what they said and It seems that you were also insulted by them which deepens the wound of worthlessness. So you felt shame in the moment definitely. Your parents treated you deeply unfairly so you want to right a wrong but can't. Everytime someone looks at you mad even if you did nothing at all it repeats. I did nothing wrong-This is unfair-Im unwanted- Fuck you-You are worthless-I am worthless. Something like that

 

[princeps]

No because when a parent compares their child to someone else constantly the child feels unwanted and their self-esteem collapses. Your parent probably made you feel like you are a disappointment. You're angry because they didn't take responsibility for what they said and It seems that you were also insulted by them which deepens the wound of worthlessness. So you felt shame in the moment definitely. Your parents treated you deeply unfairly so you want to right a wrong but can't. Everytime someone looks at you mad even if you did nothing at all it repeats. I did nothing wrong-This is unfair-Im unwanted- Fuck you-You are worthless-I am worthless. Something like that

jfl I am constantly compared to kids I barely even know because my dad knows their dad