Kadavarous
Kadavarous
This site, and concept is extremely new to me. Though, I am looking to take this site seriously, and I hope others will take me seriously too. I rather not share my name, so you can call me Kadav.
My name is Kadav, and I turned 18 in April of this year. I struggle with agoraphobia. It's something I've dealt with for several years now, but, becoming an adult has encouraged me to make an effort to try and break away from my struggles. I have extreme anxiety, and have been diagnosed with OCD; unfortunately, my fixations are entirely revolving around my appearance, presentation, etc. It is the catalyst to my agoraphobia. Both OCD and agoraphobia run in my family.
I've been bullied my entire life. Picked on, made fun of, tricked, etc. All while, I never did anything to instigate. I never made a scene, never tried to be within spotlight, nor have I done anything that would have caused any kind of embarrassment. In fact, I kept to myself and stayed away from settings like that my entire life, to a point I was mute for several years. Thankfully, I was able to break away from that, and have regained my ability to communicate with others.
I want to enjoy being alive, I want to like what I see in the mirror. I hope posting on this site, will help me understand who I am, and what I need to do to unlock my true potential. I don't want to be a loser anymore, I want to feel amazing, I want to enjoy every moment I'm in public, rather than dread it. I don't want to shut myself in my house anymore, fearing someone I may know might recognize me, or, find me extremely unattractive/make me feel worse about myself. I want to be proud of my face and body, rather than feel like I'm making my friends look bad for hanging out with 'someone like me.'
I have a beautiful girlfriend, of which I have no idea how I scored. We have been together for 5 years, and we currently live together. She is 5'2, 102lbs, and a beginner model. I want to support her and her career, maybe one day she will be in a magazine or commercial everyone will see. --I plan on becoming her photographer to build her portfolio and hopefully help her gain more jobs with more agencies.
She claims to love my appearance, she claims I am attractive, but I cannot convince myself to believe her, as no one else has ever agreed with those statements. I have absolutely NO IDEA why someone so attractive wants anything to do with a guy like me, but, at least she's here for me. --Her career is also another reason, as to why I am trying to make a change. I want to feel pretty, I want to feel attractive, especially when I am taking pictures of beautiful people. Right now, it makes me feel uglier, and crushes my self esteem to a point I debate if this is all worth fighting through.
I am slavic (Russian & Czech) & male. But, have had a few issues along the way. I was born premature, which stunted my growth. I am 5'3", and hate every bit of it. I know there isn't much I can do there, so I want to at least make up for it in other departments. I weigh currently, 145lbs, and am trying to lose more, to reach 125-130lbs. This is what my doctor recommended for me. I originally started at 176lbs, so I've made a lot of progress.
I do not want to be body builder, as I enjoy a slimmer physique, but I do plan on weight lifting to define and enhance my appearance, once I get the chance to do so. Unfortunately, I cannot afford to go to a gym, and I do not have weights at home. I love hiking, fishing, exploring, biking, overall just being outside. The outdoors are my safe-space, and I want to feel more confident leaving my house so I can spend more time in the sun without feeling like everyone is looking at me/judging me/etc.
I plan on posting myself eventually in the looksmaxxing forum, and I hope those viewing will have genuine advice for me. I joined this site in hopes I could better my mental state. I'm not doing well fellas, and despite being medicated + attending therapy, those things don't help you love your reflection. This is my final effort, and I hope it will last. I look forward to trying, and hearing your words. Thank you for taking the time to read this, you have no idea how much it helps.
edit: My discord is: kadavarous_ leaving it here, just in case I meet some real cool people, who'd actually want to help me/be my friend.
My name is Kadav, and I turned 18 in April of this year. I struggle with agoraphobia. It's something I've dealt with for several years now, but, becoming an adult has encouraged me to make an effort to try and break away from my struggles. I have extreme anxiety, and have been diagnosed with OCD; unfortunately, my fixations are entirely revolving around my appearance, presentation, etc. It is the catalyst to my agoraphobia. Both OCD and agoraphobia run in my family.
I've been bullied my entire life. Picked on, made fun of, tricked, etc. All while, I never did anything to instigate. I never made a scene, never tried to be within spotlight, nor have I done anything that would have caused any kind of embarrassment. In fact, I kept to myself and stayed away from settings like that my entire life, to a point I was mute for several years. Thankfully, I was able to break away from that, and have regained my ability to communicate with others.
I want to enjoy being alive, I want to like what I see in the mirror. I hope posting on this site, will help me understand who I am, and what I need to do to unlock my true potential. I don't want to be a loser anymore, I want to feel amazing, I want to enjoy every moment I'm in public, rather than dread it. I don't want to shut myself in my house anymore, fearing someone I may know might recognize me, or, find me extremely unattractive/make me feel worse about myself. I want to be proud of my face and body, rather than feel like I'm making my friends look bad for hanging out with 'someone like me.'
I have a beautiful girlfriend, of which I have no idea how I scored. We have been together for 5 years, and we currently live together. She is 5'2, 102lbs, and a beginner model. I want to support her and her career, maybe one day she will be in a magazine or commercial everyone will see. --I plan on becoming her photographer to build her portfolio and hopefully help her gain more jobs with more agencies.
She claims to love my appearance, she claims I am attractive, but I cannot convince myself to believe her, as no one else has ever agreed with those statements. I have absolutely NO IDEA why someone so attractive wants anything to do with a guy like me, but, at least she's here for me. --Her career is also another reason, as to why I am trying to make a change. I want to feel pretty, I want to feel attractive, especially when I am taking pictures of beautiful people. Right now, it makes me feel uglier, and crushes my self esteem to a point I debate if this is all worth fighting through.
I am slavic (Russian & Czech) & male. But, have had a few issues along the way. I was born premature, which stunted my growth. I am 5'3", and hate every bit of it. I know there isn't much I can do there, so I want to at least make up for it in other departments. I weigh currently, 145lbs, and am trying to lose more, to reach 125-130lbs. This is what my doctor recommended for me. I originally started at 176lbs, so I've made a lot of progress.
I do not want to be body builder, as I enjoy a slimmer physique, but I do plan on weight lifting to define and enhance my appearance, once I get the chance to do so. Unfortunately, I cannot afford to go to a gym, and I do not have weights at home. I love hiking, fishing, exploring, biking, overall just being outside. The outdoors are my safe-space, and I want to feel more confident leaving my house so I can spend more time in the sun without feeling like everyone is looking at me/judging me/etc.
I plan on posting myself eventually in the looksmaxxing forum, and I hope those viewing will have genuine advice for me. I joined this site in hopes I could better my mental state. I'm not doing well fellas, and despite being medicated + attending therapy, those things don't help you love your reflection. This is my final effort, and I hope it will last. I look forward to trying, and hearing your words. Thank you for taking the time to read this, you have no idea how much it helps.
edit: My discord is: kadavarous_ leaving it here, just in case I meet some real cool people, who'd actually want to help me/be my friend.
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