Serious Mental Health/Depression

[rope_maxxer]

I know this isn’t a good place to post this bc it’s gonna be a ton of people just telling me to kms but i don’t have really anywhere else, I've been losing weight for a while and making significant progress over the last year and ascended a good amount, and despite that i feel entirely empty and exhausted. i’ve been struggling with this kinda stuff for a while tbh and im so so tired man, i have plenty of friends and im sure i could find someone to date if that interested me but i know i wont be important to anyone longer then a few weeks especially given the fact i have issues with intimacy due to past experiences and stuff i like lock up and start panicking and i make people feel like they made me uncomfortable or that they did something wrong. i know i wont find love because i dont want sex. i know im too bland of a person to be someone’s favorite. and im just fucking exhausted. ive always had plenty of friends in my life and never once not one time have i ever had a “best” friend that considered me the same. i feel like a bystander in my own existence. i’m going to turn 17 in june, currently i have my meds taken due to recent events. Idk if i’m gonna make it to 17.
I think most of all im scared not of death and not of even life but im scared that the impact i’ll leave if i don’t turn 17 will be a scar on the people around me. I don’t wanna hear my mama scream like she did when she found me in the bathtub again y'all im fucking scared.

 

[rope_maxxer]

Do you guys think it’s possible to be the most important person to someone

 

[ecoli]

Do you guys think it’s possible to be the most important person to someone

for some

 

[SoulMasquerade]

I know this isn’t a good place to post this bc it’s gonna be a ton of people just telling me to kms but i don’t have really anywhere else, I've been losing weight for a while and making significant progress over the last year and ascended a good amount, and despite that i feel entirely empty and exhausted. i’ve been struggling with this kinda stuff for a while tbh and im so so tired man, i have plenty of friends and im sure i could find someone to date if that interested me but i know i wont be important to anyone longer then a few weeks especially given the fact i have issues with intimacy due to past experiences and stuff i like lock up and start panicking and i make people feel like they made me uncomfortable or that they did something wrong. i know i wont find love because i dont want sex. i know im too bland of a person to be someone’s favorite. and im just fucking exhausted. ive always had plenty of friends in my life and never once not one time have i ever had a “best” friend that considered me the same. i feel like a bystander in my own existence. i’m going to turn 17 in june, currently i have my meds taken due to recent events. Idk if i’m gonna make it to 17.
I think most of all im scared not of death and not of even life but im scared that the impact i’ll leave if i don’t turn 17 will be a scar on the people around me. I don’t wanna hear my mama scream like she did when she found me in the bathtub again y'all im fucking scared.

feel like this when i am socially isolated, thought of roping but couldnt leave behind my family. What happened in the bathtub?

 

[rope_maxxer]

feel like this when i am socially isolated, thought of roping but couldnt leave behind my family. What happened in the bathtub?

2 separate attempts jfl

 

[lazerdim]

I’m truly sorry about your current situation man, just know that we are here for you.
It sounds like you have not yet found a purpose to keep going, I used to think to myself as well that I couldn’t see myself past 18.
Don’t focus too much on trying to find someone or focusing on other people besides yourself, prioritize yourself and try to heal from the past.
Do you have any hobbies if you don’t mind me asking?

 

[SoulMasquerade]

2 separate attempts jfl

oh damn bro, this is so sad. I wouldnt bear the pain of being seen dead by my own family (hanging or fatal bleeding). You should find a purpose for living, i am "isolated" even though i am young, but hobbies keep me alive. Maybe find a work you like, i aspire to have my dream job in CS

 

[rope_maxxer]

oh damn bro, this is so sad. I wouldnt bear the pain of being seen dead by my own family (hanging or fatal bleeding). You should find a purpose for living, i am "isolated" even though i am young, but hobbies keep me alive. Maybe find a work you like, i aspire to have my dream job in CS

no matter what i do i still feel this way even with hobbies and interests and stuff i just feel suicidal, anxious, depressed, and manic ive been hospitalized a couple of times for this and everytime it gets better i fall back because i feel like the person i am when im suicidal is like a different person from me so it feels like less alone when im suicidal because i dont really like talking to other people so its like i almost have like a friend yk lol its kinda funny tho

 

[rope_maxxer]

I’m truly sorry about your current situation man, just know that we are here for you.
It sounds like you have not yet found a purpose to keep going, I used to think to myself as well that I couldn’t see myself past 18.
Don’t focus too much on trying to find someone or focusing on other people besides yourself, prioritize yourself and try to heal from the past.
Do you have any hobbies if you don’t mind me asking?

yeah i go to the gym (powerlifting specifically), i do urbex but thats about it honestly