I will remain an incel until I die. And i'm sure. I never felt and never will feel loved. I'm a person without a future. I want to be a welder. I don't see myself anywhere else. I'm in ninth grade, and want to go in vocational-technical school. I want to die at 50. There is no point in living after that. I feel hatred towards others, I want everything to end, I don't have the urge to kill, just pure hate. I wasn't like that untill recently. Everything and everyone are worthless, I will die in some one-room flat (why would I need more, if I won't have a girl?). I just want everyone to die, including me, so I won't be a miserable loser. I hope i will buy a gun, so I can end it at any moment. It's not about feeling like this to be "cool"(I never do smth like that for "coolness", I wish I was cool, but In some other way), it's about... fuck i don't know what is this about. I wish I was funny, I wish I was good looking, I wish I was an interesting person, I wish I was confident, i wish i was charismatic, i wish i was. I spend every fuckin night thinking how good it all could have been. I regularly cry, regularly want to end it. It may look like I seek help, attention, or just "good" words, but it never was and will never be like that. I feel left out. I feel that any person, even close, will abandon me as soon as first good offer is made.
