for a lot of my life i’ve had some sort of vice or psychological crutch to cling to and i find it near impossible to abstain from them, if ive given up one thing i’ve found a new one or gone back to something i did in the past. some are a bigger issue than others but i always seem to need to have something. i can kick one bad habit but i always adopt another in it’s place. i think what i really need is fulfillment and a sense of purpose for life, its been so long since i’ve had those things. im going to try to do more with my life and try things that i wouldn’t normally try like sports. i think ive braced myself for rejection and failure so much ive counted myself out before i had a chance. but im not afraid of being a failure, i know im failure, being the worst isn’t anything new so im going to try and if i fail? its not the first time. sorry this is two tangents smashed together
