R1pMe0p3n
Everything I’m not doesn’t define what I am.
I frequently have acquaintances or people I know IRL tell me that I basically 'act like a guy.' They say I joke around like one, sometimes dress like one, and just have that overall “masculine” energy. I guess it makes sense though, looking back at me as a child: I lived with my mom until the fourth grade, but my dad has had custody of me and my brothers ever since—and I’m 18 now.
I’ve been the only girl in an all-male household for almost ten years. My dad and I don’t have the best relationship, and my brothers and I aren't as close as we used to be, but I’d say that environment still shaped me into the person I am today regarding personality. Even as a little kid, I was into 'guy stuff' like video games and tomboyish clothes; I even remember cutting my hair super short just to look like my brothers.
I think a huge reason for this is that while living with my dad, I never really had a positive female figure to look up to. Most of his girlfriends were total POS, except for his most recent one. She’s actually very sweet, but I feel like it’s almost too late to build a real relationship with her since I’m moving away soon.
I wonder if I’m just coping, but people have told me it isn’t my looks keeping me from getting guys—so it’s gotta be my personality, right? I don’t want to water myself down and become some boring version of myself, but I recognize that I can be 'too much' sometimes, or even annoying. I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to lean into my feminine side and appeal to men more, without losing the bubbly, loud, and “authentic” parts of who I am. But honestly, if that’s what I need to do, and I’m that unlikable — I’m willing to change.
I’ve been the only girl in an all-male household for almost ten years. My dad and I don’t have the best relationship, and my brothers and I aren't as close as we used to be, but I’d say that environment still shaped me into the person I am today regarding personality. Even as a little kid, I was into 'guy stuff' like video games and tomboyish clothes; I even remember cutting my hair super short just to look like my brothers.
I think a huge reason for this is that while living with my dad, I never really had a positive female figure to look up to. Most of his girlfriends were total POS, except for his most recent one. She’s actually very sweet, but I feel like it’s almost too late to build a real relationship with her since I’m moving away soon.
I wonder if I’m just coping, but people have told me it isn’t my looks keeping me from getting guys—so it’s gotta be my personality, right? I don’t want to water myself down and become some boring version of myself, but I recognize that I can be 'too much' sometimes, or even annoying. I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to lean into my feminine side and appeal to men more, without losing the bubbly, loud, and “authentic” parts of who I am. But honestly, if that’s what I need to do, and I’m that unlikable — I’m willing to change.