Story Autism - Dandelions

[Deleted Member 120131]

I think I’ve spent my entire life watching other people connect from behind a wall I can’t name. I can see them laugh, click, fold into each other’s lives like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and I stand outside it, always outside it.

I’m autistic, I’m not cute autistic, I’m not quirky or endearing. I’m the kind that makes people uncomfortable without knowing why, the kind that gets left on read, the kind that makes rooms go silent just by existing in them wrong. There’s something about me that people instinctively avoid. I’ve never been able to name it, I just know it’s there.

Every attempt I’ve made to get close to someone has ended the same way, with them pulling away. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. I’ve learned to expect it, it’s not even surprising anymore. Just a dull ache that keeps getting heavier each time.

Like carrying a bag full of things you can’t throw away.

 

[Nbernical]

Those who Orc

 

[jest]

i'm getting deja vu who posted this before

 

[Deleted Member 120131]

i'm getting deja vu who posted this before

Nbernical did

Those who Orc

Top 5 threads i’ve ever read, it’s so beautiful. I had to bring it back to life

 

[Nbernical]

Top 5 threads i’ve ever read, it’s so beautiful. I had to bring it back to life

He's a schizo poet and a mogger

 

[Nbernical]

He's a schizo poet and a mogger

@Dandelions put that in your bio

 

[submissivechud]

I think I’ve spent my entire life watching other people connect from behind a wall I can’t name. I can see them laugh, click, fold into each other’s lives like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and I stand outside it, always outside it.

I’m autistic, I’m not cute autistic, I’m not quirky or endearing. I’m the kind that makes people uncomfortable without knowing why, the kind that gets left on read, the kind that makes rooms go silent just by existing in them wrong. There’s something about me that people instinctively avoid. I’ve never been able to name it, I just know it’s there.

Every attempt I’ve made to get close to someone has ended the same way, with them pulling away. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. I’ve learned to expect it, it’s not even surprising anymore. Just a dull ache that keeps getting heavier each time.

Like carrying a bag full of things you can’t throw away.

I can understand how you feel somewhat, being semi-socially awkward
Mirin the openness tho

i'm getting deja vu who posted this before

Sounds like smth BPI would post
I miss him

 

[knightmaxxer]

I think I’ve spent my entire life watching other people connect from behind a wall I can’t name. I can see them laugh, click, fold into each other’s lives like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and I stand outside it, always outside it.

I’m autistic, I’m not cute autistic, I’m not quirky or endearing. I’m the kind that makes people uncomfortable without knowing why, the kind that gets left on read, the kind that makes rooms go silent just by existing in them wrong. There’s something about me that people instinctively avoid. I’ve never been able to name it, I just know it’s there.

Every attempt I’ve made to get close to someone has ended the same way, with them pulling away. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. I’ve learned to expect it, it’s not even surprising anymore. Just a dull ache that keeps getting heavier each time.

Like carrying a bag full of things you can’t throw away.

 

[knightmaxxer]

I think I’ve spent my entire life watching other people connect from behind a wall I can’t name. I can see them laugh, click, fold into each other’s lives like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and I stand outside it, always outside it.

I’m autistic, I’m not cute autistic, I’m not quirky or endearing. I’m the kind that makes people uncomfortable without knowing why, the kind that gets left on read, the kind that makes rooms go silent just by existing in them wrong. There’s something about me that people instinctively avoid. I’ve never been able to name it, I just know it’s there.

Every attempt I’ve made to get close to someone has ended the same way, with them pulling away. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. I’ve learned to expect it, it’s not even surprising anymore. Just a dull ache that keeps getting heavier each time.

Like carrying a bag full of things you can’t throw away.

i feel you heavily brother, even as i get better at masking ive found i can only really make friends by jestering

 

[Altava]

I think I’ve spent my entire life watching other people connect from behind a wall I can’t name. I can see them laugh, click, fold into each other’s lives like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and I stand outside it, always outside it.

I’m autistic, I’m not cute autistic, I’m not quirky or endearing. I’m the kind that makes people uncomfortable without knowing why, the kind that gets left on read, the kind that makes rooms go silent just by existing in them wrong. There’s something about me that people instinctively avoid. I’ve never been able to name it, I just know it’s there.

Every attempt I’ve made to get close to someone has ended the same way, with them pulling away. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. I’ve learned to expect it, it’s not even surprising anymore. Just a dull ache that keeps getting heavier each time.

Like carrying a bag full of things you can’t throw away.

I'm also autistic. And I have noted that even among people who consider themselves more progressive and pro disability, they're still unable to catch that many things we say or do that sound out of place are in fact intended differently because of autism and becaue we don't interpret them the way they do. It's hard to find people who will understand you and usually it takes time for them to be like oh ok they're just like that they don't mean x or y. But again that implies that you need to hang with them enough for it to click and while making new friends the autism wall is pretty much an issue. I also can't put my finger on the things that slip away from me, it's like while interacting with people we both speak english but there is an additional language they are using that I do not have access to, shit's tough. Just know that it's many of us struggling with this but yea

 

[LeoK]

I get how you feel

 

[Deleted Member 120131]

@Dandelions put that in your bio

Beautiful man. Beautiful

 

[Deleted Member 120131]

I'm also autistic. And I have noted that even among people who consider themselves more progressive and pro disability, they're still unable to catch that many things we say or do that sound out of place are in fact intended differently because of autism and becaue we don't interpret them the way they do. It's hard to find people who will understand you and usually it takes time for them to be like oh ok they're just like that they don't mean x or y. But again that implies that you need to hang with them enough for it to click and while making new friends the autism wall is pretty much an issue. I also can't put my finger on the things that slip away from me, it's like while interacting with people we both speak english but there is an additional language they are using that I do not have access to, shit's tough. Just know that it's many of us struggling with this but yea

This is so unbelievably true. I agree with you so much on the first bit especially.

I sometimes feel like i’m masking NT very well and then somehow someone will point out that i’m ND. It truly makes no sense.

It’s like NT people have a radar for spotting autism and it makes it damn near impossible to ever truly mask NT

 

[Altava]

This is so unbelievably true. I agree with you so much on the first bit especially.

I sometimes feel like i’m masking NT very well and then somehow someone will point out that i’m ND. It truly makes no sense.

It’s like NT people have a radar for spotting autism and it makes it damn near impossible to ever truly mask NT

Especially that when I try to stop stimming with my hands I just end up rocking sideways anyways or doing some similar shit. Also can't maintain eye contact so most people are very confused about why I'm looking the other way while talking to them. I'm not good at masking