Story Book

[Suomi Volksgrenadier]

So, one guy said that he would read my book(even if he won't, I'm still happy for his words).
If shortly(what was written in my other thread) It is divided by chapters, and chapters are divided by Actions.
And, in the end of every Action, there is a remark from main hero, as the whole book is written of his rememberings(For example:And don't let those terrible torments happen, and don't let those terrible days happen, when the saint seemed vile, and the Devil himself whispered advice to me.)
It is written originally in russian, so the translation may not be really correct, because I translated it WITH AI, as I donxt have enough motivation to do it, but, I read the translated version, and it is similar to original.
SPOILER
A young thief, Palmer Ebelsbach, escapes a cursed prison in Spain and begins a journey across empires, where crime slowly transforms into war against dragons, monsters, and hidden supernatural forces. In the end, after reaching Imperial Japan and dying in a final duel at dawn, he realizes his path was never true freedom, but the reflection of the darkness and illusions that ruled him.

@slim_jim001

 

[genio]

How long is ts unc

 

[Suomi Volksgrenadier]

How long is ts unc

Russian version: 14 pages
English version: 18 pages

 

[genio]

Russian version: 14 pages
English version: 18 pages

Pretty short

 

[Suomi Volksgrenadier]

Pretty short

I am still writing it, it will be 500

 

[Deleted Member 86163]

bump

 

[genio]

I am still writing it, it will be 500

Bump

 

[slim_jim001]

bump ill check it out rn

 

[slim_jim001]

So, one guy said that he would read my book(even if he won't, I'm still happy for his words).
If shortly(what was written in my other thread) It is divided by chapters, and chapters are divided by Actions.
And, in the end of every Action, there is a remark from main hero, as the whole book is written of his rememberings(For example:And don't let those terrible torments happen, and don't let those terrible days happen, when the saint seemed vile, and the Devil himself whispered advice to me.)
It is written originally in russian, so the translation may not be really correct, because I translated it WITH AI, as I donxt have enough motivation to do it, but, I read the translated version, and it is similar to original.
SPOILER
A young thief, Palmer Ebelsbach, escapes a cursed prison in Spain and begins a journey across empires, where crime slowly transforms into war against dragons, monsters, and hidden supernatural forces. In the end, after reaching Imperial Japan and dying in a final duel at dawn, he realizes his path was never true freedom, but the reflection of the darkness and illusions that ruled him.

@slim_jim001

this is pretty good your use of latin and the font really build the atmosphere. I also like how the charcters contrast so much I can tell who is saying what. I dont wanna sound like a smart ass but im pretty sure lovecraft is a newer word so if you wanna make it more accurate ig you can change that. Also some of it is really formal example the gaurds threat, which is unrealstic for how a charcter would speak in a high stress situation. Overall it was quick read very immersive, and you build the charcters a lot and this is only the first 8 pages, keep up the good work!

 

[Suomi Volksgrenadier]

this is pretty good your use of latin and the font really build the atmosphere. I also like how the charcters contrast so much I can tell who is saying what. I dont wanna sound like a smart ass but im pretty sure lovecraft is a newer word so if you wanna make it more accurate ig you can change that. Also some of it is really formal example the gaurds threat, which is unrealstic for how a charcter would speak in a high stress situation. Overall it was quick read very immersive, and you build the charcters a lot and this is only the first 8 pages, keep up the good work!

Thanks bro! Yeah, lovecraft is newer, but i couldn't remember any words, which could describe that "monster" better. I donxt really want it to be historically accurate. The main historical events will be only Meiji restoration in Japan, and maybe some other events in Russia and Kingdom of two Italies.
I started writing it after reading "Bloody meridian", it really inspired me, so it has some base on it.

 

[Suomi Volksgrenadier]

this is pretty good your use of latin and the font really build the atmosphere. I also like how the charcters contrast so much I can tell who is saying what. I dont wanna sound like a smart ass but im pretty sure lovecraft is a newer word so if you wanna make it more accurate ig you can change that. Also some of it is really formal example the gaurds threat, which is unrealstic for how a charcter would speak in a high stress situation. Overall it was quick read very immersive, and you build the charcters a lot and this is only the first 8 pages, keep up the good work!

I use only chatgpt/deepseek for translation to English and for Latin(I wanted to learn it, but lost motivation after Finnish). And, chatgpt rates it, BUT it doesn't give advice, as I commanded it not to do so.

 

[slim_jim001]

I use only chatgpt/deepseek for translation to English and for Latin(I wanted to learn it, but lost motivation after Finnish). And, chatgpt rates it, BUT it doesn't give advice, as I commanded it not to do so.

yeah if u ever want advice for it getting it peer reviewed helps a lot