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Serious Conflicted about a girl

N30N

N30N

I have made it.
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I need second opinions on this, anybody's thoughts; Its been on my mind for a while.

Basically, I used to be a legit incel that always wanted a relationship with at least a decent looking girl, sex, to be attractive, the whole nine yards.
As of a couple months ago now, I met this girl who in a sense, gave me what I wanted. She is average looking, sweet, nice personality (no cope), is obsessed with me, and has made many of the efforts to continue our "relationship". The problem that leaves me conflicted is that I've been asking myself if i want to accept what has come my way and settle for this, or come clean to the girl that I don't see a foreseeable future with her. Don't give me the "pump and dump" advice, that's not who I am. To me, If i want a relationship to evolve with a girl to include genuine love, sex, obsession, then I want to have one that I truly desire. I don't know how much sense this thread is making, but my point is, I've got what my former incel self would've obsessed over, and now I feel coerced into building a relationship with this girl that I don't truly desire, just like. This is serious, so please give real advice.
 
N30N said:
I need second opinions on this, anybody's thoughts; Its been on my mind for a while.

Basically, I used to be a legit incel that always wanted a relationship with at least a decent looking girl, sex, to be attractive, the whole nine yards.
As of a couple months ago now, I met this girl who in a sense, gave me what I wanted. She is average looking, sweet, nice personality (no cope), is obsessed with me, and has made many of the efforts to continue our "relationship". The problem that leaves me conflicted is that I've been asking myself if i want to accept what has come my way and settle for this, or come clean to the girl that I don't see a foreseeable future with her. Don't give me the "pump and dump" advice, that's not who I am. To me, If i want a relationship to evolve with a girl to include genuine love, sex, obsession, then I want to have one that I truly desire. I don't know how much sense this thread is making, but my point is, I've got what my former incel self would've obsessed over, and now I feel coerced into building a relationship with this girl that I don't truly desire, just like. This is serious, so please give real advice.
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Be honest with her, if you don't see the relationship working, leading her on is unfair. Follow what your instincts tell you
 
Ultramaxxfiresigma said:
Be honest with her, if you don't see the relationship working, leading her on is unfair. Follow what your instincts tell you
Click to expand...
I just feel like its really bad to do that now, and valentine's day is around the corner. I've heard that she thinks I'm waiting till then to ask her to be my gf. I feel shitty. I like her, but I don't know what to do.
 
N30N said:
I just feel like its really bad to do that now, and valentine's day is around the corner. I've heard that she thinks I'm waiting till then to ask her to be my gf. I feel shitty. I like her, but I don't know what to do.
Click to expand...
Delaying the truth will only make it harder for both of you, it'll be worse if you ask her out on valentines and give her the impression that your a thing, when thats not what you want. Honestly, if you really like her though why not give it a try.
 
slopslinger said:
like you're gonna marry this chick lmao, you don't have to dump after only one pump tho id say go for at least 100 pumps before you dump tbh
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The thing about me is that I really dont wanna waste my time if I can see myself marrying a girl, and I just dont see it with her.
 
N30N said:
Yes, and that if I go through with this now, that I'll regret whatever I end up doing with her when I stumble upon a better girl.
Click to expand...
Dating her will give you invaluable experience and change you for the better, you can date her without sleeping with her, what if you never find another girl like her and regret it? you can always leave her if things don't go right.
 
Ultramaxxfiresigma said:
Dating her will give you invaluable experience and change you for the better, you can date her without sleeping with her, what if you never find another girl like her and regret it? you can always leave her if things don't go right.
Click to expand...
You're right man. I've heard so may opinions that it leaves me confused. I realistically don't wanna get too crazy with this girl for both our sakes. Dating her just to eventually leave her will feel shitty though.
 
N30N said:
You're right man. I've heard so may opinions that it leaves me confused. I realistically don't wanna get too crazy with this girl for both our sakes. Dating her just to eventually leave her will feel shitty though.
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if you decide to date her, don't go in with the mindset that it will eventually end because then there is no chance it will work out
 
Mind you, I do like this girl, I want to make that clear. I just don't know if I like her enough. It took me this long to even kiss her. I've heard from a very reliable source that she's said that it feels like im "edging" the idea of a relationship, but haven't said anything.
 
N30N said:
Mind you, I do like this girl, I want to make that clear. I just don't know if I like her enough. It took me this long to even kiss her. I've heard from a very reliable source that she's said that it feels like im "edging" the idea of a relationship, but haven't said anything.
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honestly it could also be pre relationship confusion, especially if this is your first one there's a kind of anxiety and confusion about how your feeling about everything
 
Ultramaxxfiresigma said:
honestly it could also be pre relationship confusion, especially if this is your first one there's a kind of anxiety and confusion about how your feeling about everything
Click to expand...
It is my first go at this. I've made it clear to her that I've been anxious and confused about it.
 
N30N said:
It is my first go at this. I've made it clear to her that I've been anxious and confused about it.
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okay yeah, it makes alot of sense. the idea of being in a relationship probably feels weird to you if it's smth u havent experienced, tbh aslong as you like the girl and not just the idea of being taken, i think it will give alot of valuable insight, you should do it. i remmebr i got into my first relationship kinda late at 14 after i lost weight, i felt similar to you
 
N30N said:
I need second opinions on this, anybody's thoughts; Its been on my mind for a while.

Basically, I used to be a legit incel that always wanted a relationship with at least a decent looking girl, sex, to be attractive, the whole nine yards.
As of a couple months ago now, I met this girl who in a sense, gave me what I wanted. She is average looking, sweet, nice personality (no cope), is obsessed with me, and has made many of the efforts to continue our "relationship". The problem that leaves me conflicted is that I've been asking myself if i want to accept what has come my way and settle for this, or come clean to the girl that I don't see a foreseeable future with her. Don't give me the "pump and dump" advice, that's not who I am. To me, If i want a relationship to evolve with a girl to include genuine love, sex, obsession, then I want to have one that I truly desire. I don't know how much sense this thread is making, but my point is, I've got what my former incel self would've obsessed over, and now I feel coerced into building a relationship with this girl that I don't truly desire, just like. This is serious, so please give real advice.
Click to expand...
LTR this girl or you'll regret it
 
N30N said:
i want a relationship to evolve with a girl to include genuine love, sex, obsession, then I want to have one that I truly desire. but my point is, I've got what my former incel self would've obsessed over, and now I feel coerced into building a relationship with this girl that I don't truly desire, just like. This is serious, so please give real advice.
Click to expand...
you have to accept the reality and what you can get, if you don't like her you don't if you like her but if you have second guesses you either make your mind and accept she is what you can get or leave and go back to square one and have the possibility of it never happening again.

Nothing is going to be Ideal in life
 
Axii said:
you have to accept the reality and what you can get, if you don't like her you don't if you like her but if you have second guesses you either make your mind and accept she is what you can get or leave and go back to square one and have the possibility of it never happening again.

Nothing is going to be Ideal in life
Click to expand...
You're right, I feel shitty because I feel like I want nothing less than perfect now. I need to be grounded in the fact that I made it this far and I could never have this opportunity again. Thanks man.
 
N30N said:
I need second opinions on this, anybody's thoughts; Its been on my mind for a while.

Basically, I used to be a legit incel that always wanted a relationship with at least a decent looking girl, sex, to be attractive, the whole nine yards.
As of a couple months ago now, I met this girl who in a sense, gave me what I wanted. She is average looking, sweet, nice personality (no cope), is obsessed with me, and has made many of the efforts to continue our "relationship". The problem that leaves me conflicted is that I've been asking myself if i want to accept what has come my way and settle for this, or come clean to the girl that I don't see a foreseeable future with her. Don't give me the "pump and dump" advice, that's not who I am. To me, If i want a relationship to evolve with a girl to include genuine love, sex, obsession, then I want to have one that I truly desire. I don't know how much sense this thread is making, but my point is, I've got what my former incel self would've obsessed over, and now I feel coerced into building a relationship with this girl that I don't truly desire, just like. This is serious, so please give real advice.
Click to expand...
This is so real.

Also side note: Nobody here actually takes the "Pump n Dump" advice (even the mfs who give it) its just cope with not knowing what to say.

A fun fact is that obsession ISN'T love. Because obsession comes from a place of desperate emptiness. That's why its giving you the ick. She seems to be idolizing you.

I've been through this before. Staying will be miserable. You need to man up, be honest, and tell her how you feel. But be careful to tell her in a way that wont make her feel bad or like she's the problem. Chances are that she's obsessive because she, like many other girls, doesn't have much support from trusted males. This could mean a bad relationship with her father, previous abuse, and low self esteem that feeds a need for constant contact and reassurance from a partner.

As someone who has been obsessed over and been obsessed, I can confidently tell you that leaving her in a respectful way and being honest about how what she's doing is making you feel pressured, she will take a step back and look at herself. That type of relationship dynamic doesn't feel nice for her either. Her attachment style is likely anxious-desperate, based off what you've said. Meaning shes constantly overthinking and letting her emotions in the moment regulate how she treats you.

That kind of relationship isn't good for her either. And leaving her will help her wake up, mature, get the help she needs, and be ready for when the right person for her comes around.

Good luck bro. This is never easy. But doing the right thing rarely is.
 
N30N said:
I need second opinions on this, anybody's thoughts; Its been on my mind for a while.

Basically, I used to be a legit incel that always wanted a relationship with at least a decent looking girl, sex, to be attractive, the whole nine yards.
As of a couple months ago now, I met this girl who in a sense, gave me what I wanted. She is average looking, sweet, nice personality (no cope), is obsessed with me, and has made many of the efforts to continue our "relationship". The problem that leaves me conflicted is that I've been asking myself if i want to accept what has come my way and settle for this, or come clean to the girl that I don't see a foreseeable future with her. Don't give me the "pump and dump" advice, that's not who I am. To me, If i want a relationship to evolve with a girl to include genuine love, sex, obsession, then I want to have one that I truly desire. I don't know how much sense this thread is making, but my point is, I've got what my former incel self would've obsessed over, and now I feel coerced into building a relationship with this girl that I don't truly desire, just like. This is serious, so please give real advice.
Click to expand...
lil f****t
u clearly are not right in your head rn
just stay with the girl
 
RAJ GHRANDHICK said:
don't wish for better if she is good enough to make you feel happy and loved
Click to expand...
if you leave her who treats u so specially then no matter who u meet in the future
it'll never be good enough
and if u leave her she will never treat anyone this specially
 
RAJ GHRANDHICK said:
lil f****t
u clearly are not right in your head rn
just stay with the girl
Click to expand...
@N30N even tho Raj sounds like r****d when saying it, he does have a point.

You need to sit and think about WHY what shes doing is making you feel off, then try to see if its because of you or her or both. There will always be periods of doubt in a relationship. Its very important for you to use wisdom, but also go with your gut, because staying and being unhappy wont do you or her any good. She deserves a partner who's interested in her, and you deserve to be interested in your partner.

Overall, you need to think real long and hard before making big decisions or telling her much of how you really feel. If you need more specific help, I gotchu.
 
BodieDysmorphia said:
@N30N even tho Raj sounds like r****d when saying it, he does have a point.

You need to sit and think about WHY what shes doing is making you feel off, then try to see if its because of you or her or both. There will always be periods of doubt in a relationship. Its very important for you to use wisdom, but also go with your gut, because staying and being unhappy wont do you or her any good. She deserves a partner who's interested in her, and you deserve to be interested in your partner.

Overall, you need to think real long and hard before making big decisions or telling her much of how you really feel. If you need more specific help, I gotchu.
Click to expand...
u don't even compare to me normoid
 
BodieDysmorphia said:
This is so real.

Also side note: Nobody here actually takes the "Pump n Dump" advice (even the mfs who give it) its just cope with not knowing what to say.

A fun fact is that obsession ISN'T love. Because obsession comes from a place of desperate emptiness. That's why its giving you the ick. She seems to be idolizing you.

I've been through this before. Staying will be miserable. You need to man up, be honest, and tell her how you feel. But be careful to tell her in a way that wont make her feel bad or like she's the problem. Chances are that she's obsessive because she, like many other girls, doesn't have much support from trusted males. This could mean a bad relationship with her father, previous abuse, and low self esteem that feeds a need for constant contact and reassurance from a partner.

As someone who has been obsessed over and been obsessed, I can confidently tell you that leaving her in a respectful way and being honest about how what she's doing is making you feel pressured, she will take a step back and look at herself. That type of relationship dynamic doesn't feel nice for her either. Her attachment style is likely anxious-desperate, based off what you've said. Meaning shes constantly overthinking and letting her emotions in the moment regulate how she treats you.

That kind of relationship isn't good for her either. And leaving her will help her wake up, mature, get the help she needs, and be ready for when the right person for her comes around.

Good luck bro. This is never easy. But doing the right thing rarely is.
Click to expand...
I appreciate the words bro. She's told me about her relationship with her father, and you're exactly right here; it relates to her demeanor. Btw it's not the obsession that gives me an "ick", it's more so that I don't know if I want that obsession from her. I don't want to break the girls heart, and I'm also not lying when I say I like her, that's the conundrum.
 
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