Serious Conflicted about a girl

[N30N]

Overall, you need to think real long and hard before making big decisions or telling her much of how you really feel. If you need more specific help, I gotchu.

If you don't mind, I appreciate any help or advice.

 

[N30N]

A part of this is lookism too. I feel like if I lock into a relationship with this girl and find a better girl down the line, that I'd have wasted my time here.

 

[BodieDysmorphia]

If you don't mind, I appreciate any help or advice.

I'm down, hmu in DMS

 

[BodieDysmorphia]

A part of this is lookism too. I feel like if I lock into a relationship with this girl and find a better girl down the line, that I'd have wasted my time here.

Then you need to figure out what exactly you're trying to get out of this relationship. As someone who's done the whole "unattached" dating/hookup lifestyle, I can confidently say that its all a lie. It made me feel like shit. Society is trying to weaponize men and women with hookup culture to erode at traditional concepts of love and relationships for whatever nefarious purposes they have. Trust me. Love is better than sex.

 

[BodieDysmorphia]

I appreciate the words bro. She's told me about her relationship with her father, and you're exactly right here; it relates to her demeanor. Btw it's not the obsession that gives me an "ick", it's more so that I don't know if I want that obsession from her. I don't want to break the girls heart, and I'm also not lying when I say I like her, that's the conundrum.

I've been through this. It's common when you date a girl who's traumatized. My best advice for you is to instead of trying to give her the world, keep her warm like the sun. Comforting, but distant. That's the key to a long relationship where you both don't feel many negative pressures. Its not a game.

And a pattern I'm seeing is that in 2023-2025+ boys and men are expected more and more to be the girl's therapist above all else. This is NOT healthy. You DON'T need to fix her. She's supposed to do that herself, and in order for her to do that she needs to feel supported. That's where the sun analogy I just mentioned comes in.

What's important to remember is that what you see on social media about how you should act in relationships when so-and-so does something is all meant to break down your relationship.

By raising expectations, social media has managed to blind the dating world to what real love and relationships should feel like. They aren't a pleasure cruise. They're messy. But the point is that you're there for each other. You're her best friend and shes yours.

The best way to fight off the urge to listen to everything everyone's saying about relationships these days is relatively simple. You need to remember that you and her are both imperfect people, her job isn't to fill a hole in you or vice versa, you don't own her, but you still love her. And you ALWAYS leave quickly and quietly when you see a red flag.

You need to hold your own boundaries and respect hers. ALWAYS be honest about how she makes you feel when she says or does something, but tell her in a respectful way.

Trust me.

 

[RAJ GHRANDHICK]

I should, the more time I've spent with her the more I like her. I'm seeing her tomorrow, we're going out somewhere I haven't decided yet.

yes u like her
u just don't know her enough
if u spend time with her u might like her
and unfortunately if u still don't then just tell her how u felt
don't lie just tell the complete truth
i am sure she is will understand

 

[James Othy]

I need second opinions on this, anybody's thoughts; Its been on my mind for a while.

Basically, I used to be a legit incel that always wanted a relationship with at least a decent looking girl, sex, to be attractive, the whole nine yards.
As of a couple months ago now, I met this girl who in a sense, gave me what I wanted. She is average looking, sweet, nice personality (no cope), is obsessed with me, and has made many of the efforts to continue our "relationship". The problem that leaves me conflicted is that I've been asking myself if i want to accept what has come my way and settle for this, or come clean to the girl that I don't see a foreseeable future with her. Don't give me the "pump and dump" advice, that's not who I am. To me, If i want a relationship to evolve with a girl to include genuine love, sex, obsession, then I want to have one that I truly desire. I don't know how much sense this thread is making, but my point is, I've got what my former incel self would've obsessed over, and now I feel coerced into building a relationship with this girl that I don't truly desire, just like. This is serious, so please give real advice.

Don't ever settle for a girl. Don't close the deal, marriage or whatever, unless she's exactly what you want.

I was at a point I'm my life around 2016 when I'd come off of drugs. I'd been addicted to meth pretty bad and hit rock bottom. I hit up an ex girlfriend because I had no money. Girl had always been obsessed with me and I figured she was good enough to settle down with and marry. She was pretty with a hot body and traditional, everything I wanted but I simply didn't love her. I figured I'd been living badly for way too long and if I continued on that path I'd end up dead so it was probably best to settle down and start a family. I thought that I would grow to love her. I talked to her over the phone and made preparations to fly to her city. She had a good job as a sports announcer at WaterCube in Beijing, the same place Michael Phelps won all those gold medals at, and was going to buy an apartment for us. She bought me a plane ticket but the day I was supposed to fly out I skipped the flight because I went on another bender. About a week later after coming down and getting some sleep I tried contacting her again but she wouldn't answer my calls. She wouldn't answer my emails either. I was fucked with no money stuck in a 3rd world country.

It took me six months to get out of that situation and finally leave Cambodia, and that's when I met the woman who would become my wife. I've never had any doubts about my wife. From the first time I saw her I thought to myself "This is a girl I could definitely marry.", and it never changed after getting to know her more. There's never been any doubt with her. Sometimes though I'll have nightmares that I got on the plane and am married to the other girl. I can't tell you what the feeling of relief is like when I wake up from those dreams. I almost married a girl that I simply didn't love and having been married to one that I do love I can understand how horrible it would have been.