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But I can't hate them no matter how I try because they are also victims of abuse.
Usually, there is cognitive dissonance and people want to protect their view on abuser as good/neutral, they don't want to disturb or completely trash their worldview because it makes them uncomfortable. They would rather watch someone else and theirselves suffer so their bubble doesn't get popped, that's cruel.
Going on from there, there is also the Just-World hypothesis where humans subconsciously believe suffering can be rationalised, so if the enabler already believes "abuser is a good person, sometimes they just lash out, its not their fault blah blah" they rationalise the bad things and perhaps even blame the victim for their own abuse which is wild in my eyes.
Thought process is something like this in my eyes:
"Abuser is such a nice guy" ----> "Oh, why is abuser actually abusing someone" ---> "This isn't how things usually go, I'm scared" ---- (bubble is threatening to be burst and there is discomfort) -----> "But if abuser is usually a good person and they only abuse one person....hey, this must be the person's fault"
Also, it is just a lack of ethics! Enablers use mental loopholes to justify not actually giving a shit, because if I was to be honest, if the enabler genuinely cared about the victim they would help them instead of ignoring them and watching them suffer. "It's not that deep / It isn't any of my business / "Abuser is just in thaaaat mood again" lets them morally disengage from the situation and they literally barely feel any guilt or it helps with their conscience.
Repeated exposure to all of this also leads to apathy (yuck honestly), desensitation, just being silent which is what the enabler is known for anyhow so then they stop trying to change but they are selfish. They don't understand that the victim needs them, yes the enabler is also traumatised in some form but the victim needs them, they need help, they need someone, the enabler owes them this small thing. They have responsibility which they disregard. Abuse thrives when there are power imbalances imo.
I mean there is obviously so much more to it like culture, income, social networks.... there is so much to unpack here. Everyone's situation is always so different so at the end of the day the only person I can only hate is the abuser, I can never justify one but I find myself feeling empathetic to enablers even though arguably they are just as bad. There is just too much.
tagging enthusiasts for this stuff uhh: @over0 idk anyone else lmao
Usually, there is cognitive dissonance and people want to protect their view on abuser as good/neutral, they don't want to disturb or completely trash their worldview because it makes them uncomfortable. They would rather watch someone else and theirselves suffer so their bubble doesn't get popped, that's cruel.
Going on from there, there is also the Just-World hypothesis where humans subconsciously believe suffering can be rationalised, so if the enabler already believes "abuser is a good person, sometimes they just lash out, its not their fault blah blah" they rationalise the bad things and perhaps even blame the victim for their own abuse which is wild in my eyes.
Thought process is something like this in my eyes:
"Abuser is such a nice guy" ----> "Oh, why is abuser actually abusing someone" ---> "This isn't how things usually go, I'm scared" ---- (bubble is threatening to be burst and there is discomfort) -----> "But if abuser is usually a good person and they only abuse one person....hey, this must be the person's fault"
Also, it is just a lack of ethics! Enablers use mental loopholes to justify not actually giving a shit, because if I was to be honest, if the enabler genuinely cared about the victim they would help them instead of ignoring them and watching them suffer. "It's not that deep / It isn't any of my business / "Abuser is just in thaaaat mood again" lets them morally disengage from the situation and they literally barely feel any guilt or it helps with their conscience.
Repeated exposure to all of this also leads to apathy (yuck honestly), desensitation, just being silent which is what the enabler is known for anyhow so then they stop trying to change but they are selfish. They don't understand that the victim needs them, yes the enabler is also traumatised in some form but the victim needs them, they need help, they need someone, the enabler owes them this small thing. They have responsibility which they disregard. Abuse thrives when there are power imbalances imo.
I mean there is obviously so much more to it like culture, income, social networks.... there is so much to unpack here. Everyone's situation is always so different so at the end of the day the only person I can only hate is the abuser, I can never justify one but I find myself feeling empathetic to enablers even though arguably they are just as bad. There is just too much.
tagging enthusiasts for this stuff uhh: @over0 idk anyone else lmao
