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this is going to be a long useless vent and i’m telling you to click off now because i really couldn’t give a shit about your “dnr” replies.
i watched Rick and Morty once and in the last episode of season 7 (i think) Morty talked to a guy in a diner that said “love is fake. two people that love each other and get married are two personalities that mold each other over the years until they’re incompatible anymore. happiness is temporary”.
the first part of today was nice, i woke up at 15 after last night when i fell asleep at 6, went downstairs had breakfast then watched tv with my dad, and my brother went nextdoors to our uncle and cousins.
he got hungry so he ordered some food. a burger for me and chicken crisps with fries for him. nothing for my brother as he was nextdoors.
few hours pass by and now it’s evening. he calls me to go fetch my brother and call him home to get ready to sleep, and, if he wants, eat leftover chicken and fries. his mother (my dad’s new wife) comes downstairs after being up the whole day.
and with my little brother there, keep in mind he’s fucking 7 years old they start going at it like dogs, her blaming my dad for only ordering food for himself and “that guy”. this makes my dad pissed off and she started to call him different sorts of things, and he starts too.
and my brother is still there at the table begging for them to stop.
“stop already”.
“stop it”.
do you know how painful it is to see this scene and not be able to do anything? do you have any idea how much i hated my self in that fucking moment? not being mentally strong enough to go and be there for my brother or take him upstairs. sure i have my problems of suicide, self hatred and other shit as this isn’t my dad’s first rodeo and i was in his place when i was his age, but that is not an excuse to not be able to do shit.
after they calm down, my dad calls her to talk about it. again, in front of my brother whilst we were watching tv. he asked her to talk to him or therapy as this isn’t the first time she’s done this. he questions her of a lot of things about why she’s such an asshole to me, why does he think that i’m not part of the family and other shit it’s a long story but the main cause was he ordered food for himself and ME. and why not for her (she was upstairs the whole day) and my brother (he was nextdoors) and i admit he shouldve sent me to ask my brother if and what he wanted to eat but that’s it.
they start to go at it again and fight, and i look over to my brother who was on the other side of the couch and i wanted to say something to him get him out of there again. i couldn’t. i watched as he hid his face in a blanket and covered his ears. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT AND NOT BEING ABLE TO HELP MY OWN BROTHER? SO WHAT IF I WENT THROUGH THE SAME SHIT AS HE DID I SHOULDVE DONE SOMETHING I SHOULDVE BEEN THRE I SHOULDNT HAVE WATCHED AND THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
i wish i wouldn’t stay at my dad’s this christmas. its not that i don’t like to spend time with him and my brother but i’m obviously fucking up things there. i’m a stranger there because court order says more time needs to be spent at my mom’s
i wish i wasn’t like this.
i wish they would see they’re selfish bastards. in front of a 7 year old kid. he’s gonna end up just like me, maybe even worse.
i watched Rick and Morty once and in the last episode of season 7 (i think) Morty talked to a guy in a diner that said “love is fake. two people that love each other and get married are two personalities that mold each other over the years until they’re incompatible anymore. happiness is temporary”.
the first part of today was nice, i woke up at 15 after last night when i fell asleep at 6, went downstairs had breakfast then watched tv with my dad, and my brother went nextdoors to our uncle and cousins.
he got hungry so he ordered some food. a burger for me and chicken crisps with fries for him. nothing for my brother as he was nextdoors.
few hours pass by and now it’s evening. he calls me to go fetch my brother and call him home to get ready to sleep, and, if he wants, eat leftover chicken and fries. his mother (my dad’s new wife) comes downstairs after being up the whole day.
and with my little brother there, keep in mind he’s fucking 7 years old they start going at it like dogs, her blaming my dad for only ordering food for himself and “that guy”. this makes my dad pissed off and she started to call him different sorts of things, and he starts too.
and my brother is still there at the table begging for them to stop.
“stop already”.
“stop it”.
do you know how painful it is to see this scene and not be able to do anything? do you have any idea how much i hated my self in that fucking moment? not being mentally strong enough to go and be there for my brother or take him upstairs. sure i have my problems of suicide, self hatred and other shit as this isn’t my dad’s first rodeo and i was in his place when i was his age, but that is not an excuse to not be able to do shit.
after they calm down, my dad calls her to talk about it. again, in front of my brother whilst we were watching tv. he asked her to talk to him or therapy as this isn’t the first time she’s done this. he questions her of a lot of things about why she’s such an asshole to me, why does he think that i’m not part of the family and other shit it’s a long story but the main cause was he ordered food for himself and ME. and why not for her (she was upstairs the whole day) and my brother (he was nextdoors) and i admit he shouldve sent me to ask my brother if and what he wanted to eat but that’s it.
they start to go at it again and fight, and i look over to my brother who was on the other side of the couch and i wanted to say something to him get him out of there again. i couldn’t. i watched as he hid his face in a blanket and covered his ears. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT AND NOT BEING ABLE TO HELP MY OWN BROTHER? SO WHAT IF I WENT THROUGH THE SAME SHIT AS HE DID I SHOULDVE DONE SOMETHING I SHOULDVE BEEN THRE I SHOULDNT HAVE WATCHED AND THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
i wish i wouldn’t stay at my dad’s this christmas. its not that i don’t like to spend time with him and my brother but i’m obviously fucking up things there. i’m a stranger there because court order says more time needs to be spent at my mom’s
i wish i wasn’t like this.
i wish they would see they’re selfish bastards. in front of a 7 year old kid. he’s gonna end up just like me, maybe even worse.
