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Serious existential dread

Niggard

Upper Human
Established
Joined
Sep 15, 2025
Messages
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2d 7h
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Those words that I say and mean, merely a spell forged by the tongue of mine, a spell I managed to get tangled in myself. Deluding fool, this vain emotion makes you weak and faint in meaning, these urges...

Your being on this earth, timed disaster, grievous death that none shall cheat, don't you understand? Don't you get the goal of your presence in this world, a void? You know the truths, but your body whispers softly a lie against you, fool, truly! Your futile, mindless nature...

It should've been me. Smarter, stronger, higher, it could've been... The harsh prosaic, sharp revelation that the ink of this pen transcribes, would, no, will you ever follow it? Human... idiot... this organic incapability not one recognizes! If you, in this age...

I'm left to rot in this body of flesh and bones, so precious, incapable to bear its own being, slowly decelerates, my body... mass. Creatively articulated into forms and shapes not to be imagined ever before! Connecting, surely, this chaotic mixture of itself forms planets, stars, systems of galaxies... most importantly, a mind...

How can you reject it? The Infinite, The First Cause, The Greatest One, in solitude, God... Pray! Pray to be kind, pray to eat, sleep, enjoy, to be... pray to follow, and to pray...

This is the only meaning He permitted for you to retain.

I've caught euphoria, again...
Surely, my mind plats tricks on me, again...
To distinguish the truth, to separate it from lies, again...
I'm destined to. I am chosen. Surely, a blessed servant of God, He elevated me, again, surely...
How may I ever stop? Ever question my existence? How may I lose? How may I, again? Surely...
This conscious that He let me have, for this short time being... I love it.
 
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ill post a hand-written version soon. this was one great ride
 

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