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My mental health is so bad rn, i dont even know what to do, i feel like my mother hates me fr and that my stepdad just cares for me because his other daughter left him, Recently ive been getting into more fights with my mom more often than usual and i think she generally just hates me, she likes my brother allot but she would look for any little thing to shout me out for, like for one she yelled at me for something my brother should have been responsible for, This happens everytime, everytime i think that me and her are making progress smt lke little thing happened and she yells at me for it and back to square one i stopped trying when i was 10yr as i realised no matter how much i show her love she will always and i mean always choose my brother, And recently it feels like im the worst because my brother gets good grades and this is the frist time i ever got one D on a grade and i got talked about for days, his the supposed good kid, and ive the supposed rebel kid that just is always angry all the time, My dad he said today i use to be really good and whilst i pretended i ddint hear anything i cried after he left, as it was true afterall but it made me sick to even think that he thinks abt me that way, my mother said she doesnt know what to do w me anymore and i feel so guilty i feel like im wrecking everything, my mom would constantly tell me im the only one who was wrecking the family and i should get sent somewhere, im thinking to rope atp, if u have ever attempt please tell me what it felt like, im honestly scared to do so but i think with a little push i can do it, i honestly hate it here and i wish to die, i cant even speak to them because the thought of speaking up feels like a crime and im complaining too much and seeking for attention in their eyes, i cant even hate my mom, deep down i feel like shes only raising me because she had to because she had me, i hate the yelling i hate everything, they spy on my social life, as in chats and all, my dad is a very understanding person, but it feels like its me he cant understand my mom juist think depression isnt real and that i should just get sent away, shes a very narsisistic person as she would talk in the kitchen loud enough for me to hear in my room jjust how terribkle i am, i had had enough and i hoenstly want to dispapear i belive that im not worth of anything, I recently am at a new school they enrolled me at and i made good friends with ppl, and now their saying i should just go to another one as it will be better for me, i used to be very smart, and i belive i still am just not as much passion as before as i focused more on looks now, and not because of shits and giggles but because my mom has always been very judgey and very blunt as fgrowing up it was always of how i look, i remember being bullied of how i looked back then and i started to wear make up and i felt very confident obv she noticed too my family would make comments of how i looked like a clown and how i prioratized make up more because i would wake up early just to look good i supposed, and its not that im bad looking now, al those built up words said to me by my own mother had deeply scared me of how i think and view my self, please send ways to rope or cope abt this, and how to just not give af please....
