Askesis
self preservation
Hi, this is my first ever thread
Ive been desperate for so long to ascend but I feel like Im still at the bottom of the pit
Ive known this niche "fatalism and determinism" for quite some time now
Ive did things to make me look more decent compared to others
I am 17 5"6 5"7 on a good day
I am every envious of others despite coming from a religious family
I am very insecure to myself
I regret making this thread at the same time because the quote "its better to never have been born" sticks to me as while I try to make this thread I feel like I should've never posted this thread the same way of how the quote is quoted
I hope when I wake up from my sleep I become 6'0 and at least attractive
although deeply in my reality that would never happen or so at least a miracle will happen
I am very gifted in this world
yet I fail to tell myself that its okay because I can eat 3x meals a day, I still have my own two legs and arms, I am not mute, blind or deaf and I look decent than most people or I tell myself so
I know that some people in this world have a very big hindrance to their everyday life
still I keep insisting and being greedy on myself
why do I focus on looking better while others have priorities such as food, communicating, having vision and people being limb less
I hate myself very much for this yet I still pursue myself to do so
yet again its all about perspective but this is the perspective I have chosen myself
everything contradicts itself yet at once it doesn't
still if a miracle happened and I happened to be good looking and tall I would probably be so boastful about it
but then again I wish i wasn't this ugly
yet so I wish I wasn't born
born to experience this BP thing
but then again there is more to life than just this yet again I tell myself otherwise
the only way to escape is when I go to sleep and dream all the opportunities I wish I had yet again I am contradicting myself
see whats happening here Im constantly looping myself forcing myself to get stuck in this same paradox
do you see the moral here
just relax and accept its over
Ive been desperate for so long to ascend but I feel like Im still at the bottom of the pit
Ive known this niche "fatalism and determinism" for quite some time now
Ive did things to make me look more decent compared to others
I am 17 5"6 5"7 on a good day
I am every envious of others despite coming from a religious family
I am very insecure to myself
I regret making this thread at the same time because the quote "its better to never have been born" sticks to me as while I try to make this thread I feel like I should've never posted this thread the same way of how the quote is quoted
I hope when I wake up from my sleep I become 6'0 and at least attractive
although deeply in my reality that would never happen or so at least a miracle will happen
I am very gifted in this world
yet I fail to tell myself that its okay because I can eat 3x meals a day, I still have my own two legs and arms, I am not mute, blind or deaf and I look decent than most people or I tell myself so
I know that some people in this world have a very big hindrance to their everyday life
still I keep insisting and being greedy on myself
why do I focus on looking better while others have priorities such as food, communicating, having vision and people being limb less
I hate myself very much for this yet I still pursue myself to do so
yet again its all about perspective but this is the perspective I have chosen myself
everything contradicts itself yet at once it doesn't
still if a miracle happened and I happened to be good looking and tall I would probably be so boastful about it
but then again I wish i wasn't this ugly
yet so I wish I wasn't born
born to experience this BP thing
but then again there is more to life than just this yet again I tell myself otherwise
the only way to escape is when I go to sleep and dream all the opportunities I wish I had yet again I am contradicting myself
see whats happening here Im constantly looping myself forcing myself to get stuck in this same paradox
do you see the moral here
just relax and accept its over
