nicorags
Nico
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2025
- Messages
- 117
- Online time
- 6h 1m
- Reputation
- 219
- Location
- Chesapeake Watershed United States
I wanna preface this by acknowledging my own personal bias as someone living a blessed life, I’m in a relationship right now with complete confidence and trust, and I’m fairly esteemed and popular in my community; I don’t think I can fully put myself in the shoes of somebody living a life like i’m going to describe, but I think i’ve been here before, atleast partially. I dated a girl who was probably htb, makeup cel, fairly overweight, but she never really was truly ugly and nowadays i think she’s probably htb or near it, but I haven’t seen her in person or bare face in a long time.
Reasons this wouldn’t work: I think a lot of people on this forum, or just in general, don’t look for their looksmatch at all. Many guys, myself included at one point, point towards hypergamy and shake their finger blaming women, when they’re hypergamous themselves. I truly believe as long as you’re not ugly you have an opportunity to find love. Especially as a man. Many guys don’t want just any girl, they want their dream girl. Often times that doesn’t match their looks at all, and they aren’t willing to accept that, or see the alternative and work towards the goal of being appealing and attractive enough to bag that dream girl. Another issue I think many men face is their internalized and externalized sexism and off-putting behavior which drives girls away.
True Love: In my personal opinion, true love is when all insecurity is shed, and your able to take somebody, choose somebody, and be chosen by somebody completely for what you are; in an ideal relationship, being in love is the driving factor for growth. Both people constantly lifting up and improving off on another like a perpetual game of romantic ping pong.
How do we achieve this?:
1. A Basis in Friendship: I believe this love is formed almost exclusively from friendship. A basis of friendship and companionship leading towards romance will always be stronger than one starting off romantic. The chase and desire for something you don’t already have can be a strong driving factor in achieving this ‘true love’. Friendship allows for judgement, unspoken feelings, and mystery that a relationship started from dating cannot provide. I believe judgement is a key element of achieving this goal of ‘true love’, to judge every part of somebody and still see them as fit and worthy of love is the essence of true love. Judgement that otherwise might be clouded.
2. More options: Friendship leaves you with other opportunities to meet and find and learn other people until you find someone you have judged and see fit none the less.
3. Rose Tinted Glasses: A larger reason i’m an advocate of friendship is rose-tinted glasses, seeing someone in a different light stemming from attraction or love. Nobody wants to go after somebody they don’t find attractive; friendship allows you to form that attraction over time. Many people in less fortunate situations who can’t pull somebody more attractive or higher value should be using this. Instead of seeing surface beauty, a basis in friendship allows one to dive deeper and learn a person before they start to commit to this person.
4. Friendships are easier: It is way easier to convince somebody to be your friend than significant other.
5. Attraction Will Form: By utilizing friendship prior to a relationship, tension builds, memories and feelings attached to the concept of someone is formed. You might find yourself attracted to someone you weren’t when you started being friends.
6. Don’t lower your standards: Don’t accept mistreatment, love leaves no room for mistreatment or resentment. By going for your looksmatch or lower; and by forming a basis in friendship. One can set up unspoken rules in a relationship before the romance is started. By going for your looksmatch, there is no superiority to be held, no gap in level.
P.S. I don’t think I have any idea what I’m talking about, I have to wake up in 2 and 1/2 hours. Let me know if this holds any actual value or if it’s slop or tldr
Reasons this wouldn’t work: I think a lot of people on this forum, or just in general, don’t look for their looksmatch at all. Many guys, myself included at one point, point towards hypergamy and shake their finger blaming women, when they’re hypergamous themselves. I truly believe as long as you’re not ugly you have an opportunity to find love. Especially as a man. Many guys don’t want just any girl, they want their dream girl. Often times that doesn’t match their looks at all, and they aren’t willing to accept that, or see the alternative and work towards the goal of being appealing and attractive enough to bag that dream girl. Another issue I think many men face is their internalized and externalized sexism and off-putting behavior which drives girls away.
True Love: In my personal opinion, true love is when all insecurity is shed, and your able to take somebody, choose somebody, and be chosen by somebody completely for what you are; in an ideal relationship, being in love is the driving factor for growth. Both people constantly lifting up and improving off on another like a perpetual game of romantic ping pong.
How do we achieve this?:
1. A Basis in Friendship: I believe this love is formed almost exclusively from friendship. A basis of friendship and companionship leading towards romance will always be stronger than one starting off romantic. The chase and desire for something you don’t already have can be a strong driving factor in achieving this ‘true love’. Friendship allows for judgement, unspoken feelings, and mystery that a relationship started from dating cannot provide. I believe judgement is a key element of achieving this goal of ‘true love’, to judge every part of somebody and still see them as fit and worthy of love is the essence of true love. Judgement that otherwise might be clouded.
2. More options: Friendship leaves you with other opportunities to meet and find and learn other people until you find someone you have judged and see fit none the less.
3. Rose Tinted Glasses: A larger reason i’m an advocate of friendship is rose-tinted glasses, seeing someone in a different light stemming from attraction or love. Nobody wants to go after somebody they don’t find attractive; friendship allows you to form that attraction over time. Many people in less fortunate situations who can’t pull somebody more attractive or higher value should be using this. Instead of seeing surface beauty, a basis in friendship allows one to dive deeper and learn a person before they start to commit to this person.
4. Friendships are easier: It is way easier to convince somebody to be your friend than significant other.
5. Attraction Will Form: By utilizing friendship prior to a relationship, tension builds, memories and feelings attached to the concept of someone is formed. You might find yourself attracted to someone you weren’t when you started being friends.
6. Don’t lower your standards: Don’t accept mistreatment, love leaves no room for mistreatment or resentment. By going for your looksmatch or lower; and by forming a basis in friendship. One can set up unspoken rules in a relationship before the romance is started. By going for your looksmatch, there is no superiority to be held, no gap in level.
P.S. I don’t think I have any idea what I’m talking about, I have to wake up in 2 and 1/2 hours. Let me know if this holds any actual value or if it’s slop or tldr
