Guide to a good life 
Maybe your are sad, say you have no worth or value in life 
The 85 Yearlong Harvard Study
A research study which followed the lives of a large group of men asking them questions every so often to find out what makes a good life.
The largest finding of the study was that the tracked men were seen to be the happiest and healthiest based on who had the warmest relationships.
A warm relationship is one built on trust, acceptance, empathy and feeling comfortable.
The strength of their relationships was more important than their success of money to the happiness they experienced in their lives.
Sharing your stresses and worries with someone else calms your immune system
The largest finding of the study was that the tracked men were seen to be the happiest and healthiest based on who had the warmest relationships.
A warm relationship is one built on trust, acceptance, empathy and feeling comfortable.
The strength of their relationships was more important than their success of money to the happiness they experienced in their lives.
Findings from the study:
- Being loneliness is about as dangerous as smoking half a pack of cigarettes daily
- Good relationships slow cognitive decline when you get older
- A bad marriage is worse for your health than divorce
- Sociability is more important that physical fitness in increasing the length of your life
Sharing your stresses and worries with someone else calms your immune system
Why you’re not happy right NOW
The brain psychology makes being happy about certain things harder than it should be:
The brain makes it seem as if you should leave people alone and seclude yourself, but data shows it actually makes you feel better to talk to new people.
- The brain causes mis-wanting due to evolutionally wiring. It makes you crave things that you think will make you happy when in reality they would not.
- Adaptation, when you have good things after a while it feels like it is just a normal commodity
- Comparisons, Comparing lives with other peoples
- Under sociability bias, underestimating how much being social with strangers and acquaintances will improve your mood.
The brain makes it seem as if you should leave people alone and seclude yourself, but data shows it actually makes you feel better to talk to new people.
Happiness Support
Arthur Brooks a Harvard professor states that to achieve a life of happiness it must be the case that you feed every one of these 3 ‘macronutrients’:
Enjoyment (Pleasure + Consciousness)
- Savouring moments and being fully present when you are experiencing feelings of joy will increase the pleasure and enjoyment you have in the moment, increasing your overall mood if you do this consistently.
- For example, an experiment showed that students who built a $5 box were said to feel happier and more satisfied than an alternative group of students who spent $50 on one.
- The experiment shows that to increase your happiness, being satisfied in your own work can help this. It's the same sense that you are to feel more accomplished as well, when you build your own family you have a great sense of pride making you an overall happier person.
Zennnn
When life’s circumstances make it harder to meet each macronutrient it’s important to have a fallback plan to retain them.
Impermanence mindset - Understanding that negative feelings are temporary causes the peak to end faster and be smaller. Emotions trigger at 90 seconds, after this they falter unless reignited by a negative thought loop. This system reduces overall suffering in moments of stress.
Beginner mindset - Acting as if your relationships are new reignites the same dopamine spike as when you first met them, learning something new about someone your close can make your relationships stronger, stopping arguments etc.
Attention = Love - When arguing with someone, giving them your full attention your 60 seconds can drop the other person's heart rate. It could be something like your being yelled at or insulted by someone whose cortisol you raised, it will cause them to calm down faster, let you talk or leave you alone.
Labelling - Naming your heightened emotion is shown to drop amygdala activity in less than 8 seconds. It stops you crashing out on other people.
Impermanence mindset - Understanding that negative feelings are temporary causes the peak to end faster and be smaller. Emotions trigger at 90 seconds, after this they falter unless reignited by a negative thought loop. This system reduces overall suffering in moments of stress.
Beginner mindset - Acting as if your relationships are new reignites the same dopamine spike as when you first met them, learning something new about someone your close can make your relationships stronger, stopping arguments etc.
Attention = Love - When arguing with someone, giving them your full attention your 60 seconds can drop the other person's heart rate. It could be something like your being yelled at or insulted by someone whose cortisol you raised, it will cause them to calm down faster, let you talk or leave you alone.
Labelling - Naming your heightened emotion is shown to drop amygdala activity in less than 8 seconds. It stops you crashing out on other people.
Getting happier right NOW
- Look at all your relationships and determine who drains or energises you.
- Prioritise relationships that energise you and limit those who drain you
- Talk to or call someone, go on a walk or by yourself to an area
- Tell someone something that worries you
- Start feeling more gratitude for simple things/ relationships
- Practise kindness intentionally
- If you miss a purpose in life, ask yourself more questions, “What would I die for?” “What actually matters to me when I do something?”
- If its satisfaction, participate in a challenging project, it doesn’t have to be anything crazy it can just be reading a long book
- If you don’t feel like you are enjoying life, saver a moment in your day where you feel happiness.
- Protect your leisure time, making sure it is completely separate to work to keep a good balance.
- Create hygge
- Use Zen tools when stressed
│ START │
│ ├─ 1. RELATIONSHIPS SECURE? ──NO──► Fix them/ Make more. │
│ │ ↓ YES │
│ ├─ 2. BRAIN SABOTAGING? ──NO──► Fix it │
│ │ ↓ YES │
│ ├─ 3. ALL 3 MACROS? ──NO──► Fulfil them all. │
│ │ ↓ YES │
│ ├─ 4. ENVIRONMENT STABLE? ──NO──► Zenn. │
│ │ ↓ YES │
│ ├─ 5. MIND TURBULENT? ──NO──► Zenn x2. │
│ │ ↓ YES │
│ └─► OUTPUT: Autopilot Happiness Loop ←───────────────┘
The happiest people in a Harvard study following a large group of men through their lives found that looking back on their lives they didn’t mention money or material awards, they said their relationships with other people were more important
Their largest regret was that they spent too much time at work
“Nobody not one said, ‘I wish I’d made more money.’ They all said, ‘I wish I’d spent more time with people I love.’” - Waldinger
Their largest regret was that they spent too much time at work
“Nobody not one said, ‘I wish I’d made more money.’ They all said, ‘I wish I’d spent more time with people I love.’” - Waldinger
Thank you for maybe reading
