here's why i'm a malignant narcissist

[loox]

other than the term sounding severe and angry so it pleases me, it's because sometimes during the nighttime when my testosterone levels are lowest and my estrogen levels are highest, i would visualize myself the way i look in the mirror ie with mere exposure, see myself as the 7.5/10 psl i believe myself to be even after years of extreme blackpill. and imagine myself in social situations, tired, upset or some other highly aesthetic mood, maybe smoking a cigarette or swilling occasionally from a bottle of whisky. looking forlorn. and then i would visualize watching myself from foid's perspective. sometimes there would be some haze or streak of a car's headlight, but i would be the center of attention for numerous foids in these scenarios

why is it so important for me to be aesthetic in the eyes of foids?