I care so much about other people and especially animals I need to feed every stray I see and give them attention and love but I can't force myself to be nice to myself
what you described is a great example of deep empathy. the problem is that your brain somehow isn’t categorizing yourself as deserving of care in the same way.
sometimes this happens when you derive value from what you give instead of who you are. but, this is just a silly rule your brain made up and it can be unlearned.
Think about it this way: you feed animals even though they’re not perfect.
you feed them because
a) they’re hungry
b) they’re alive
c) they’re deserving of care regardless of conditions
that’s kind of a simple model you can adapt for yourself. it takes a bit of getting used to, but once you recognize your need just respond without judgement (ie- you wouldn’t yell at a stray for being scared, and you wouldn’t withhold food until they earn it)
start by noticing what it is you’re lacking. are you hungry? do you feel safe? do you feel overwhelmed?
It might help to pair an act of kindness for yourself with one you already do. maybe you comforted someone that day, so take five minutes to write down or say out loud some things you like about yourself. affirming positive thoughts reinforces that behavior in the future.
your brain might feel guilty for taking more time to think about your needs and it brings up discomfort so you learned to avoid it. it’s not bad, just might feel emotionally loaded. it’s almost like your brain confuses self love with selfishness. selfish people take at others expense, and ignore harm they cause. neither of those two things apply to you. self love with help meet your needs so you don’t feel as burnt out.
give yourself permission to act the way you treat others. you are a lovely person. set some boundaries so you finally view yourself the way others see you


