I am my own worst enemy

[Zygos]

I constantly do things that make my life worse in some way, i cannot do anything correctly.

for example today i got some bad news that made me “upset” and get in my own head and i wasn’t speaking much or reacting to anything. i went to play bowling and my mom and brother were having fun, talking, cheering etc. my mom would celebrate every time i bowled and try to high five me or hug me and shit. i wasn’t having any of it due to said bad mood. later she was asking me why i am upset at her and she’s sad for some reason now and i feel like a dickhead

seems like the only way to get by is to just be fake 24/7. maybe that’s on me though for thinking i can take off the mask around my own family

 

[Zygos]

bump

 

[Auggy]

I constantly do things that make my life worse in some way, i cannot do anything correctly.

for example today i got some bad news that made me “upset” and get in my own head and i wasn’t speaking much or reacting to anything. i went to play bowling and my mom and brother were having fun, talking, cheering etc. my mom would celebrate every time i bowled and try to high five me or hug me and shit. i wasn’t having any of it due to said bad mood. later she was asking me why i am upset at her and she’s sad for some reason now and i feel like a dickhead

seems like the only way to get by is to just be fake 24/7. maybe that’s on me though for thinking i can take off the mask around my own family

Do A class drugs bro

 

[alacrity]

I constantly do things that make my life worse in some way, i cannot do anything correctly.

for example today i got some bad news that made me “upset” and get in my own head and i wasn’t speaking much or reacting to anything. i went to play bowling and my mom and brother were having fun, talking, cheering etc. my mom would celebrate every time i bowled and try to high five me or hug me and shit. i wasn’t having any of it due to said bad mood. later she was asking me why i am upset at her and she’s sad for some reason now and i feel like a dickhead

seems like the only way to get by is to just be fake 24/7. maybe that’s on me though for thinking i can take off the mask around my own family

happens to the best of us

 

[Xx_JihadiNafriggER22_xX]

Do A class drugs bro

 

[True_Fakecell]

I constantly do things that make my life worse in some way, i cannot do anything correctly.

for example today i got some bad news that made me “upset” and get in my own head and i wasn’t speaking much or reacting to anything. i went to play bowling and my mom and brother were having fun, talking, cheering etc. my mom would celebrate every time i bowled and try to high five me or hug me and shit. i wasn’t having any of it due to said bad mood. later she was asking me why i am upset at her and she’s sad for some reason now and i feel like a dickhead

seems like the only way to get by is to just be fake 24/7. maybe that’s on me though for thinking i can take off the mask around my own family

Dw bro you are not alone this happens to everyone

 

[hyperion]

I constantly do things that make my life worse in some way, i cannot do anything correctly.

for example today i got some bad news that made me “upset” and get in my own head and i wasn’t speaking much or reacting to anything. i went to play bowling and my mom and brother were having fun, talking, cheering etc. my mom would celebrate every time i bowled and try to high five me or hug me and shit. i wasn’t having any of it due to said bad mood. later she was asking me why i am upset at her and she’s sad for some reason now and i feel like a dickhead

seems like the only way to get by is to just be fake 24/7. maybe that’s on me though for thinking i can take off the mask around my own family

Are all mirrors you see ugly?

Unfortunately I cannot sympathise.

 

[M1A2 Abrams]

I constantly do things that make my life worse in some way, i cannot do anything correctly.

for example today i got some bad news that made me “upset” and get in my own head and i wasn’t speaking much or reacting to anything. i went to play bowling and my mom and brother were having fun, talking, cheering etc. my mom would celebrate every time i bowled and try to high five me or hug me and shit. i wasn’t having any of it due to said bad mood. later she was asking me why i am upset at her and she’s sad for some reason now and i feel like a dickhead

seems like the only way to get by is to just be fake 24/7. maybe that’s on me though for thinking i can take off the mask around my own family

Dw bro. Relatable as hell, dw this is normal u don't need a mask.

We got ups and downs and we can't always be perfect. It's totally human that bad news made you feel bad and make u quiet, and it's totally normal for your mother to feel sad you weren't able to enjoy a communal time. But it's not really anybody's fault. You don't have to pretend to be happy.
I would just explain to her that you were feeling bad due to external reasons and not her cuz I understand her position as well. It can be confusing why your son refuses your acts of affection and effort. I'm sure she would understand. She definetly has also had similar moments before. Just clearning that up that it wasn't her fault will be enough dude.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You don't gotta be fake man, bad days happen. Be authentically happy and don't be afraid to be honest when you are struggling to your fam.

 

[hyperion]

I constantly do things that make my life worse in some way, i cannot do anything correctly.

for example today i got some bad news that made me “upset” and get in my own head and i wasn’t speaking much or reacting to anything. i went to play bowling and my mom and brother were having fun, talking, cheering etc. my mom would celebrate every time i bowled and try to high five me or hug me and shit. i wasn’t having any of it due to said bad mood. later she was asking me why i am upset at her and she’s sad for some reason now and i feel like a dickhead

seems like the only way to get by is to just be fake 24/7. maybe that’s on me though for thinking i can take off the mask around my own family

On a constructive note:

Self degradation that appears as self-awareness is toxic, and the point of being aware of yourself it to acknowledge shortcomings and amend them.

In the situations you've provided - you, as well as I might notice a theme of comparison.

Unfortunately your mental is slightly skewed - as you halt all progression in wake of anxiety. My remedy for this is a positive illusion about your own identity, and an intentional misdiagnosis of "malformed traits".

From someone that was in their own head for a significant portion of their teenhood - talking about it with someone to developed a coping mechanism only delays your ability to establish coping strategies yourself.

You should essentially fuck off all other mentalities and follow the following - you're the only person who cares enough to fundamentally change your life, and as such are the only person who can make it better.

 

[M1A2 Abrams]

Are all mirrors you see ugly?

Unfortunately I cannot sympathise.

@Zygos


Don't listen to this guy. Take one look at his comments and all he does is fucking hate. Dude is either trolling to hurt others or is a fucking hateful dumbass who sees nothing positive.

Edit: I take back my previous statement. He made a constructive comment instead of blind hate. Good job hyperion

 

[hyperion]

Dw bro. Relatable as hell, dw this is normal u don't need a mask.

We got ups and downs and we can't always be perfect. It's totally human that bad news made you feel bad and make u quiet, and it's totally normal for your mother to feel sad you weren't able to enjoy a communal time. But it's not really anybody's fault. You don't have to pretend to be happy.
I would just explain to her that you were feeling bad due to external reasons and not her cuz I understand her position as well. It can be confusing why your son refuses your acts of affection and effort. I'm sure she would understand. She definetly has also had similar moments before. Just clearning that up that it wasn't her fault will be enough dude.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You don't gotta be fake man, bad days happen. Be authentically happy and don't be afraid to be honest when you are struggling to your fam.

Ignore this person. Realise what core problems need addressing - and amend them. Don't surround yourself with the feelings they provide you.

"Being fake" subverts how useful of a tool an illusion is on one's self - you can have an infinitely easier day if you pretend to be in a good mood and imagine yourself as self assured.

Eventually all of this acting wont seem like acting at all, and will be incorporated into your personality.

 

[hyperion]

@Zygos


Don't listen to this guy. Take one look at his comments and all he does is fucking hate. Dude is either trolling to hurt others or is a fucking hateful dumbass who sees nothing positive.

Edit: I take back my previous statement. He made a constructive comment instead of blind hate. Good job hyperion

Can you please delete the entirety of the comment - I intend for this user to read all of what I wrote and not immediately discredit it.

 

[M1A2 Abrams]

Ignore this person. Realise what core problems need addressing - and amend them. Don't surround yourself with the feelings they provide you.

"Being fake" subverts how useful of a tool an illusion is on one's self - you can have an infinitely easier day if you pretend to be in a good mood and imagine yourself as self assured.

Eventually all of this acting wont seem like acting at all, and will be incorporated into your personality.

I never said he shouldn't amend them, I am saying what to do in this specific moment.
He could be fake but I am trying to say don't feel too bad. What's passed has passed. You can improve for the future but do not keep a mask up 24/7.

It sounds like his core problems aren't his emotions but rather the way he deals with them. Your advice of "don't surround yourself with the feelings problems provide you" is only half true. Emotions show you a lot about yourself and teach you what you need to do to deal with it, but the latter part of your comment is pretty good.

But yes, it is a skill in therapies like DBT/CBT to "fake it till you make it." You assume things will be better and trick your mind into feeling better. This is scientifically proven to work. You choose your thoughts, you can control it. Emotions will always be there but the emotions you choose to feel can be altered sometimes to align with your goals. There is a balance. Do not "fake" it 24/7 but do not let them run free.

Your thoughts become actions, your actions become habits, and your habits become personality.

Can you please delete the entirety of the comment - I intend for this user to read all of what I wrote and not immediately discredit it.

I'm not deleting it entirely, but I will vouch for your credibility in this specific piece of advice.
Good job. First time seeing something constructive

 

[hyperion]

I never said he shouldn't amend them, I am saying what to do in this specific moment.
He could be fake but I am trying to say don't feel too bad. What's passed has passed. You can improve for the future but do not keep a mask up 24/7.

There's an emotional bedrock that you cannot sink further down in sorrow - and it appears @Zygos has arrived to it. With this in mind - there is no further loss in emotional torment - other then the time spend crippled by the current torment. Limiting the time spent - by addressing core issues rather then providing momentary copes will shorten your overall loss in agency - as you physically cannot regress further into your sadness.

It sounds like his core problems aren't his emotions but rather the way he deals with them. Your advice of "don't surround yourself with the feelings problems provide you" is only half true. Emotions show you a lot about yourself and teach you what you need to do to deal with it, but the latter part of your comment is pretty good.

Unfortunately emotions hinder your ability to think logically - and association with things, people and situations that elicit these emotions only furthers your inability to act in some accordance with your previous logic.

But yes, it is a skill in therapies like DBT/CBT to "fake it till you make it." You assume things will be better and trick your mind into feeling better. This is scientifically proven to work. You choose your thoughts, you can control it. Emotions will always be there but the emotions you choose to feel can be altered sometimes to align with your goals. There is a balance. Do not "fake" it 24/7 but do not let them run free.

It's less about faking it, but more project yourself into the shoes you want to fill- you're not nullifying anything, rather you're choosing what you want to feel.

The faking component arises when you become self-aware and you systematically short-sell your uncontrollable shortcomings to appear as-though you're hindered by nothing other than circumstance.

Its extremely similar to a stoic philosophy, but rather shade factors of your life you cannot control - you explicitly ignore parts that only serve to hinder you in addition.

Your thoughts become actions, your actions become habits, and your habits become personality.

The absolute hardest step in this process is the initial conversion form a thought to an action. Think on how many thoughts you have a day - then imagine how many you don't act upon. Once you've thought on this, be extremely intentional with yourself and future things you want to put in place in your own life.

I'm not deleting it entirely, but I will vouch for your credibility in this specific piece of advice.
Good job. First time seeing something constructive

 

[M1A2 Abrams]

It's less about faking it, but more project yourself into the shoes you want to fill- you're not nullifying anything, rather you're choosing what you want to feel.

Well said.
You choose which thoughts you want to think and project them into reality. I am not saying he should choose what to feel, but he should rather choose his thoughts that lead to emotions aligned with his goals (e.g. motivation, contentment, love)
However, I would also like to paint emotion in a more positive light. While the extremes of both positive and negative emotions can affect your logical thinking negatively, moderate emotional pain and happiness is essential in growth. This is the basis of improvement. Without emotions like disappointment and guilt you would never identify your mistakes--leading to stagnant progress; and without positives like satisfaction, love, and pride (in moderation) you would have nothing to work toward.

So, hyperion, while I agree that extreme emotions can get in the way of logical thinking, it is also driving force of human improvement. You can think logically about the steps but without emotion to incentivize you, then there is nothing worth working for.

My main point of my first message was to tell OP, to give grace to himself; it's normal for that to happen and he isn't "fucking it up." He shouldn't blame yourself for acting this way. It could be better but it's definitely not the worst.
All of this advice is for future reference as what's passed is passed, but he can always change.

Edit: @hyperion I clarified my main point. Both things can be true at once. Forgive himself and allow emotions, but use those emotions to move toward growth

 

[Br4va]

Kind of had similar issues before. I think your best bet is to apologize and to try to improve. If you genuinely can’t then keep apologizing and forgetting about these instances