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Not because I’m toxic, or because I have too much of an ego. It just triggers me. I get reminded of my former oneitis’ rejection text. “I’m sorry,” she said. Instead, I just say “I apologize,” “My apologies.”
Sometimes I try to say it anyway, to get rid of the previous conditions. But I’m always reminded of it. “I’m sorry.” Yeah, so am I. To myself. For putting myself in a situation I’m still dealing with, many years later.
I remember sitting in the living room those years ago, silently staring at the floor. Uncommon for me, I’m always laughing, smiling and cracking jokes. “What are you getting sad for?” My mother said. “She’s not even thinking about you.”
Sounds cruel, but I needed to hear the sad truth. It was her way of saying, “Don’t get sad over someone who doesn’t care for you.” She was right. I think I’m over it now, these words don’t sting anymore like they used to do. Now it’s more like, “Good. She’s married now, I hope she’s happy.”
Sometimes I try to say it anyway, to get rid of the previous conditions. But I’m always reminded of it. “I’m sorry.” Yeah, so am I. To myself. For putting myself in a situation I’m still dealing with, many years later.
I remember sitting in the living room those years ago, silently staring at the floor. Uncommon for me, I’m always laughing, smiling and cracking jokes. “What are you getting sad for?” My mother said. “She’s not even thinking about you.”
Sounds cruel, but I needed to hear the sad truth. It was her way of saying, “Don’t get sad over someone who doesn’t care for you.” She was right. I think I’m over it now, these words don’t sting anymore like they used to do. Now it’s more like, “Good. She’s married now, I hope she’s happy.”
you should find a new oneitis here
