zelda496805
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- Joined
- Jul 3, 2026
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I feel like im an ungrateful jerk for genuinely hating my life but I just wish I was someone different. I have basically no friends and the ones that I do have barely care about me whatsoever. I used to have a bunch of friends, even two great best friends (I'll call them plant and pizza). Basically I've been friends with plant for literally seven years and pizza for like almost two years (plant and pizza were very close friends before but I never really interacted with pizza until high school cause we never really crossed paths). Anyways, it was great, I had an amazing friend group and was genuinely happy, that was until plant basically became a different person overnight. I dont know literally WHAT happened, but she became alt overnight, and like, whatever, fine, I loveee emo/alt music, fuck my literal profile picture is gerard way (my favorite) (oh and plant used to make fun of me for liking mcr and then all the sudden started liking them overnight but whatever). But with her overnight change came with this really weird moral superiority. I'm a centrist and believe in rights for everyone but im not going to go too deep into it (cause of the rules here and I want to respect that so im not trying to get political at all but its crucial to the story), but basically since I dont believe in everything she believes that meant to her that I was racist, homophobic, antifeminist (even though I believe in rights for all and idc what people do), and whatever else. she didnt have any actual proof btw. Anyways, she started spreading this rumor to all my other friends and since she was more popular within our friend group they all automatically believed her and I lost six of my closest friends (including her and pizza). I feel like everyone else in the friend group knew (like around maybe 12-13 people?) and some mutual friends but no one else has ever brought it up to me. Anyways, since I have literally the worst social skills in the whole entire world and I literally stutter when talking to new people, I cant really like make new friends, I had that friend group because I knew people since I was little. I dont know why I cant just be normal and make friends as easily as everyone else, like I just dont know what to ever say unless ive known you for years. Ive literally just had people say to my face that im just too awkward and nervous. Anyways, back to the main story, this all happened around like the end of the semester, and when the new one started everyone got a different lunch and I sat with the same group cause I was still friends with the people who never mentioned anything to me and plant and pizza were in a different lunch and only one of the six people sat at that table. I thought everything was fine, except no one talked to me. They treated me like I was genuinely invisible. I felt like shit, but whenever any of them need something from me, THATS when someone would acknowledge me. Whatever, im used to people ignoring me, I was just grateful to have somewhere to sit until they fucking replaced me without saying anything. Its a packed table, and people KNEW I sat there, like we were a month into the semester, and I know I dont own a seat, but they knew I wouldn't have anywhere else to sit and that I specifically sat there, think about it, if someone you care about, wanted to hang out with, got kicked out of something, you would say something, right? Well everyone just looked at me once and ignored me. Even though I was on the brink of tears I went over to sit with this girl (shell be named taco) that im not super close with but at least friends with and when I was sitting with her I just looked up to see everyone from my table just staring at me and never saying anything. Anyways the girl that I was sitting with, her friends just started glaring at me and I felt that my presence was unwanted there too, so I just went to the library and I see taco and her whole friend group coming in like five minutes after me, and Im like, wow, are they seeing if im alright (I was basically hanging onto tears when sitting with taco), and no, sorry that I forgot that no one actually likes me and they just sat at the table in front of me and ignored me. So yay I basically got to sit and eat lunch in the library by myself for like the rest of the school year. im such a fucking loser. Anyways I do still have one good friend, her name will be pasta, but I feel like she hasn't left me just cause we're neighbors. I feel like she doesnt actually care about me cause she always lies to me about stuff shes doing just to get out of hanging out with me or being near me. I dont know why im such a terrible person, I try to be kind to everyone, I try to be funny for other people to make them happy, im always open to listening to peoples problems no matter what I dont know what im doing wrong cause something obviously has to be wrong with me for no one to ever like me. Anyways I want to get to the relationship aspect of may life. So im like really ugly so any guys rarely like me but ive liked the same guy for almost three years at this point. Hes in the grade below me and well call him pos cause I fucking hate him. So basically how I "met" him was him adding me on snapchat and talking to me literally ONCE. anyways I feel in love with him because he was just perfect, he was literally my EXACT type, had common interests, same music taste (except for mcr 
), SUPER funny, and just genuinely perfect. anyways he stopped personally snapping me but still did streaks and the reason why he stopped was cause he liked this extremely extremely beautiful girl. I remember I saw her once (before he had any interaction with her) and I thought she was actually the prettiest girl ive seen in my life. it ended up not working out with her but it absolutely crushed may self esteem, like I know im ugly but having to compete with someone like that isnt fair. Anyways, it didnt work out she left him for some jacked black guy, and then to make it worse I didnt seem him for over a YEAR (438 days to be exact 
) cause I went onto high school and he was in the grade below still. Anyways, like two weeks before school started (my sophomore year so it would be his freshman year so I still haven't seen him by this point but was going to very soon) and we got in a full on talking stage, for five days..., but it was amazing, he was so nice and kind to me and replied really fast and made it seem like he genuinely liked me, like he even called me PRETTY!!!! no guy had ever said that to me before it was so great until he just randomly told me he was "retired" from me and said he didnt want to talk to me anymore, out of nowhere. There were a few times here and there where he'd send me snaps but it never turned into anything serious and he would look at me in school but nothing else, until he got back with his situationship (different girl than before, well call this one breadstick) that he was talking to the year before but it didnt work out. Anyways they started dating and now he posts her all the time and loves her while I still think about him every second of the day. I cant compete with her either. Shes not as pretty as the other girl but is still much better than me and she literally has the most fucking perfect body ever while I look like a pancake everywhere except my stomach and face. I genuinely just hate my life and myself. there was a formal a month before school ended and two days before it he unfollowed me on insta and broke our streak forever (he still kept me added though). but he loves her so much its not fair I love him sososooooo much and would do anything in the world for him to like me how he did before but I know it'll never work out caus hes also super popular and shes even more popular while Im a stupid loser ranting to strangers I dont know. I just love him so much and no one wants me and I just want him to love me so badly and I can't move on no matter what, this isnt fair I genuinely hate my life but I know its so stupid cause it dumb high school shit but it makes me feel like every one just hates me and im destined to be alone forever I just hate myself
), SUPER funny, and just genuinely perfect. anyways he stopped personally snapping me but still did streaks and the reason why he stopped was cause he liked this extremely extremely beautiful girl. I remember I saw her once (before he had any interaction with her) and I thought she was actually the prettiest girl ive seen in my life. it ended up not working out with her but it absolutely crushed may self esteem, like I know im ugly but having to compete with someone like that isnt fair. Anyways, it didnt work out she left him for some jacked black guy, and then to make it worse I didnt seem him for over a YEAR (438 days to be exact ) cause I went onto high school and he was in the grade below still. Anyways, like two weeks before school started (my sophomore year so it would be his freshman year so I still haven't seen him by this point but was going to very soon) and we got in a full on talking stage, for five days..., but it was amazing, he was so nice and kind to me and replied really fast and made it seem like he genuinely liked me, like he even called me PRETTY!!!! no guy had ever said that to me before it was so great until he just randomly told me he was "retired" from me and said he didnt want to talk to me anymore, out of nowhere. There were a few times here and there where he'd send me snaps but it never turned into anything serious and he would look at me in school but nothing else, until he got back with his situationship (different girl than before, well call this one breadstick) that he was talking to the year before but it didnt work out. Anyways they started dating and now he posts her all the time and loves her while I still think about him every second of the day. I cant compete with her either. Shes not as pretty as the other girl but is still much better than me and she literally has the most fucking perfect body ever while I look like a pancake everywhere except my stomach and face. I genuinely just hate my life and myself. there was a formal a month before school ended and two days before it he unfollowed me on insta and broke our streak forever (he still kept me added though). but he loves her so much its not fair I love him sososooooo much and would do anything in the world for him to like me how he did before but I know it'll never work out caus hes also super popular and shes even more popular while Im a stupid loser ranting to strangers I dont know. I just love him so much and no one wants me and I just want him to love me so badly and I can't move on no matter what, this isnt fair I genuinely hate my life but I know its so stupid cause it dumb high school shit but it makes me feel like every one just hates me and im destined to be alone forever I just hate myself
