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Basically, quick backstory. I moved from the UK to PL around nearly a year ago now. I'm 17, turning 18 in a few months, and I decided I wanted to live my teenage years to the fullest: drinking, partying, finding a boyfriend, hanging out with friends, smoke etc. I never did these things in the UK and finding a boyfriend was one of the things I wanted to change the most. I've craved this for the longest time. I added this boy on snapchat, turned out he was from my town and we msged a bit. I didn't think anything of it, nor did I expect anything serious. I quickly learned he's a "womaniser" and loads of girls in my town know him. We do streaks on snap, where he usually sends biceps, and I send those quick reactions, either heart, kiss, or flame. Once he asked me for nudes, which I sent. I quickly regretted this, and the second time he asked, I refused. He wasn't mad, nor did he stop msging me/ sending streaks.
There was this party in March that we both were going to, and he promised me he'd dance with me and I can touch his biceps. Party came round, and he came with a "friend" which he spent the entire party making out and dancing with, I was temporarily sad, but got over it quickly. Last Friday, there was another party, that once again, we were both going to. He messaged me before, that this time he promises he'd dance with me. An hour or two into the party he comes up to me and wants to dance. I go along but ask him to dance with me and my friends. He says no as he doesn't know them, and leaves. Bare in mind, by this point I am so drunk I can barely stand straight. I go to the toilet with my friend, where I see him sitting with another girl and making out. I wasn't surprised, but I went up to him and told him I'm still waiting for my dance. This girl gets in my face, and starts shouting he's busy. I assure her I'm just a friend and want a dance. Some time passes, and he finds me again. We start dancing- his arms around my waist, my hands wrapped around his neck, his face so close to mine I could feel his every breath. I know it was all fake. But for a girl who has never even had a boyfriend, nor a first kiss, this felt ethereal. After dancing, he asked if I want to sit somewhere quiet. Just outside the dancefloor area, we sat there laying on each other for quite some time. This moment is quite blurry for me. I remember him stroking my legs, asking me what I want, he's open for everything. I kept telling him he's using me, and that I don't even know him. Eventually, my friends see me and pick me up, and take me back to the dance floor. I dance with them, and guess who finds me again? He does.
He asks if I want some fresh air, and I agree. He ends up taking me on a walk to the river, and we sit in the grass next to the main road. It was on a hill, so I doubt we were visible. We start making out, tongue and all. I told him this was my first kiss. I won't lie, I enjoyed the kiss. A lot. And I'm ashamed I liked it, as I always imagined my first kiss completely differently. He's stroking my legs and takes my hand to place on his dick. He asks me if I want it. I truly cannot remember if I agreed after the first time he asked or not, but he ending up taking it out. Then he was asking me if he can finger me. I can't remember if I agreed after the first time, or if he kept asking. But he started fingering me. He wanted to put his fingers in, but I said no. Then he started asking if I wanted to give him a blowjob, I was telling him no, and that maybe another time. But, after being asked a few times, I agreed. He led my head down, and I gave him what he wanted. He came in my mouth. He did ask. I agreed. He said he wanted to reward me and wanted to finger me again. I can't remember if he asked. Probably. He asked if I wanted a hickey on my boob. I agreed. Now I have to see it every time I undress.
I am so disappointed that this how my first time doing these things looked - with a random boy, sitting in the grass, and I wasn't even sober. Was I SA'ed? Technically I agreed, as he asked before doing anything. But then again, I was so drunk that I couldn't even walk straight. I know this is partially my fault. I drank way more than I was supposed to, and I am not proud of myself. I'm unsure what to do now. He's sending streaks, and he's started msging me "what's up" etc. I did message him about what happened. He said "Yeah, we went a bit far". I asked him why he did it, and he said "He has his fantasies and needs". I don't know why he thought that I, the girl that never had a bf, never talk to boys, never kissed, would be the best option to satisfy his needs.
EDIT : It’s been 4 days since the incident. I found out he told his friends we made out. Now, a good majority of his school knows. I wouldn’t mind, except that I found out today that he has been talking about me to his friends prior to the incident: that i’m fat, that i’m obsessed with him, that i’m easy, he’s just playing with me, that at parties i stare at him, laughing when i like his bicep pics or stories on ig. I feel really stupid lol. I knew he was a player, and i knew that he never wanted anything serious ever, but i didn’t think he would talk such stuff about me. Especially since we were never “talking” or anything of the kind. I don’t know whether to talk to him about it, or if i should just let it die down. I’m so mad, sad and confused lol.
There was this party in March that we both were going to, and he promised me he'd dance with me and I can touch his biceps. Party came round, and he came with a "friend" which he spent the entire party making out and dancing with, I was temporarily sad, but got over it quickly. Last Friday, there was another party, that once again, we were both going to. He messaged me before, that this time he promises he'd dance with me. An hour or two into the party he comes up to me and wants to dance. I go along but ask him to dance with me and my friends. He says no as he doesn't know them, and leaves. Bare in mind, by this point I am so drunk I can barely stand straight. I go to the toilet with my friend, where I see him sitting with another girl and making out. I wasn't surprised, but I went up to him and told him I'm still waiting for my dance. This girl gets in my face, and starts shouting he's busy. I assure her I'm just a friend and want a dance. Some time passes, and he finds me again. We start dancing- his arms around my waist, my hands wrapped around his neck, his face so close to mine I could feel his every breath. I know it was all fake. But for a girl who has never even had a boyfriend, nor a first kiss, this felt ethereal. After dancing, he asked if I want to sit somewhere quiet. Just outside the dancefloor area, we sat there laying on each other for quite some time. This moment is quite blurry for me. I remember him stroking my legs, asking me what I want, he's open for everything. I kept telling him he's using me, and that I don't even know him. Eventually, my friends see me and pick me up, and take me back to the dance floor. I dance with them, and guess who finds me again? He does.
He asks if I want some fresh air, and I agree. He ends up taking me on a walk to the river, and we sit in the grass next to the main road. It was on a hill, so I doubt we were visible. We start making out, tongue and all. I told him this was my first kiss. I won't lie, I enjoyed the kiss. A lot. And I'm ashamed I liked it, as I always imagined my first kiss completely differently. He's stroking my legs and takes my hand to place on his dick. He asks me if I want it. I truly cannot remember if I agreed after the first time he asked or not, but he ending up taking it out. Then he was asking me if he can finger me. I can't remember if I agreed after the first time, or if he kept asking. But he started fingering me. He wanted to put his fingers in, but I said no. Then he started asking if I wanted to give him a blowjob, I was telling him no, and that maybe another time. But, after being asked a few times, I agreed. He led my head down, and I gave him what he wanted. He came in my mouth. He did ask. I agreed. He said he wanted to reward me and wanted to finger me again. I can't remember if he asked. Probably. He asked if I wanted a hickey on my boob. I agreed. Now I have to see it every time I undress.
I am so disappointed that this how my first time doing these things looked - with a random boy, sitting in the grass, and I wasn't even sober. Was I SA'ed? Technically I agreed, as he asked before doing anything. But then again, I was so drunk that I couldn't even walk straight. I know this is partially my fault. I drank way more than I was supposed to, and I am not proud of myself. I'm unsure what to do now. He's sending streaks, and he's started msging me "what's up" etc. I did message him about what happened. He said "Yeah, we went a bit far". I asked him why he did it, and he said "He has his fantasies and needs". I don't know why he thought that I, the girl that never had a bf, never talk to boys, never kissed, would be the best option to satisfy his needs.
EDIT : It’s been 4 days since the incident. I found out he told his friends we made out. Now, a good majority of his school knows. I wouldn’t mind, except that I found out today that he has been talking about me to his friends prior to the incident: that i’m fat, that i’m obsessed with him, that i’m easy, he’s just playing with me, that at parties i stare at him, laughing when i like his bicep pics or stories on ig. I feel really stupid lol. I knew he was a player, and i knew that he never wanted anything serious ever, but i didn’t think he would talk such stuff about me. Especially since we were never “talking” or anything of the kind. I don’t know whether to talk to him about it, or if i should just let it die down. I’m so mad, sad and confused lol.
I’m sorry that this happened to be your first experience and I don’t think you should bother talking to him
