all i can think about every passing moment is how ugly i feel and uncomfortable i am in my skin i wish i could just push and pull my face however it needed to be and i hate the subtle things i notice about how differently people treat me versus my friends with better appeal and how embarrassing it feels to exist
every single day is a humiliation ritual having people see me and while i’m physically recovered from anorexia i don’t think i’ll ever be mentally recovered enough to do anything serious in life and every single day i regret gaining this weight for my parents and for my mom to stop cropping my legs out of first day of school photos when she posts them for being “too skinny” but now i feel so huge and like im suffocating my own skin and there’s not enough space for my own self to have air. even though now im just “healthy” i hate it sosososo much and my dad doesn’t help it either ri literally had planned to kill myself on his birthday so maybe my absence would be a good enough present i just feel so isolated constantly and just picking apart my appearance i truly wish i never joined anything like this because i knew it’d get bad and i just can’t take how alone i feel in crowds like at football games and friend activities because all i can do is compare
every single day is a humiliation ritual having people see me and while i’m physically recovered from anorexia i don’t think i’ll ever be mentally recovered enough to do anything serious in life and every single day i regret gaining this weight for my parents and for my mom to stop cropping my legs out of first day of school photos when she posts them for being “too skinny” but now i feel so huge and like im suffocating my own skin and there’s not enough space for my own self to have air. even though now im just “healthy” i hate it sosososo much and my dad doesn’t help it either ri literally had planned to kill myself on his birthday so maybe my absence would be a good enough present i just feel so isolated constantly and just picking apart my appearance i truly wish i never joined anything like this because i knew it’d get bad and i just can’t take how alone i feel in crowds like at football games and friend activities because all i can do is compare
