Dosey
Dosey
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2026
- Messages
- 67
- Online time
- 1d 5h
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- 179
Kinda awkward saying this, but ever since I started school at around age five, I’ve never really been able to form a deep relationship with anyone. In fact, back in TK, kids would always say that I never talked. Knowing that, I decided I wanted to try making friends, but I always ended up bouncing from person to person.
Moving schools around third grade made it even harder. By fifth grade, I literally had zero friends. Every day at recess, I would sit on the bench watching the other kids play, and I always ate lunch alone.
Around sixth grade, I finally made two friends who genuinely cared about me and accepted me for who I was. On the surface, I felt happy that I had finally done it. But there was always a lingering feeling in the back of my mind. Everyone I had ever interacted with eventually left my life, so there was always a chance my friends would do the same.
Because of that, I always tried to detach myself from developing strong feelings or emotional attachments to people. Deep down, I believed that any friendship I had would eventually end.
Somehow, that prediction came true. In seventh grade, one of my two friends ended up leaving both of us. My other friend was completely shocked and confused about why it happened, while I honestly didn’t care much at all. I just copied the emotions my friend was expressing because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do.
Fast forward to eighth grade, and I had managed to make a small group of friends who, as you can probably guess, eventually had a falling out. That left me and my sixth-grade friend together again. I honestly didn’t mind because, to be honest, that friend group was full of complete losers and only made us look bad when we hung around them.
But my friend had other plans. He had a girlfriend at the time and was completely obsessed with her. He wanted to be with her all the time and would only hang out with me when it was convenient. So while he was spending lunch with his girlfriend (who, by the way, hated me for absolutely no reason even though I never talked to her) I sat alone. What a shocker.
I couldn’t even be surprised by it anymore. The worst part was knowing my peers were watching me, because this was middle school. My anxiety was through the roof, and I felt terrible.
When we started high school, I ended up ghosting him. Now I mostly do homeschool, except that I attend an independent school in person once a week. I chose homeschooling because I couldn’t stand faking interactions and interest in other people anymore. It was exhausting, and I felt completely drained.
I’ve dedicated these last few years to self-improvement and becoming the best version of myself that I can be. Because I felt like such a loser to be around during those hard times, I decided to change. I started dressing better, worked on getting rid of my acne, and focused on getting lean.
I’m about to start my sophomore year of high school, and I don’t regret leaving him whatsoever.
Moving schools around third grade made it even harder. By fifth grade, I literally had zero friends. Every day at recess, I would sit on the bench watching the other kids play, and I always ate lunch alone.
Around sixth grade, I finally made two friends who genuinely cared about me and accepted me for who I was. On the surface, I felt happy that I had finally done it. But there was always a lingering feeling in the back of my mind. Everyone I had ever interacted with eventually left my life, so there was always a chance my friends would do the same.
Because of that, I always tried to detach myself from developing strong feelings or emotional attachments to people. Deep down, I believed that any friendship I had would eventually end.
Somehow, that prediction came true. In seventh grade, one of my two friends ended up leaving both of us. My other friend was completely shocked and confused about why it happened, while I honestly didn’t care much at all. I just copied the emotions my friend was expressing because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do.
Fast forward to eighth grade, and I had managed to make a small group of friends who, as you can probably guess, eventually had a falling out. That left me and my sixth-grade friend together again. I honestly didn’t mind because, to be honest, that friend group was full of complete losers and only made us look bad when we hung around them.
But my friend had other plans. He had a girlfriend at the time and was completely obsessed with her. He wanted to be with her all the time and would only hang out with me when it was convenient. So while he was spending lunch with his girlfriend (who, by the way, hated me for absolutely no reason even though I never talked to her) I sat alone. What a shocker.
I couldn’t even be surprised by it anymore. The worst part was knowing my peers were watching me, because this was middle school. My anxiety was through the roof, and I felt terrible.
When we started high school, I ended up ghosting him. Now I mostly do homeschool, except that I attend an independent school in person once a week. I chose homeschooling because I couldn’t stand faking interactions and interest in other people anymore. It was exhausting, and I felt completely drained.
I’ve dedicated these last few years to self-improvement and becoming the best version of myself that I can be. Because I felt like such a loser to be around during those hard times, I decided to change. I started dressing better, worked on getting rid of my acne, and focused on getting lean.
I’m about to start my sophomore year of high school, and I don’t regret leaving him whatsoever.
