I need to stop obsessing over my friends

[Dzitsu]

Probably long rant thread yeah dnr whatever

My online friends are one of the main things that matter to me since im homeschooled and dont get along with my family. Ive been friends with them for years yet I can’t stop fixating on them so much

The entire reason i so desperately want to look better is cause i want to be more worthy of their love and friendship i dont even care about romance that much

But i know it’s not gonna be the same for them but still i get so freaked out and jealous and upset when my best friends start dating and get partners they consider more important than me, regardless of my friend’s gender

It ends up affecting me everyday life to the point i cant think of anything else and i really wanna focus on important stuff like studying and my looks

Im hoping when i eventually do get a bf i can stop being so weird about my friends and be weird about him instead

I also feel like im betraying them every time i get upset over them dating. Obviously i dont tell them im upset but still they trust me to be a normal good friend and im just so fucking weird about it im always hoping their relationship ends