Please read and give me advice on what to do
Ive been watching cuckolding porn since I was a teenager. I think because I got bullied in high school and only had one girlfriend who cheated on me sent me down a mental rabbit hole. I watched for years, especially interracial cuckolding. Fast forwaard to my late 20s, im in a relationship with a girl I love, who checks all my boxes. Only thing is everytime I am having sex with her Im imagining a big black guy doing her.
I eventually slipped in a few cuckold videos when we watched porn together. She thought it was weird and asked if I wanted that. I didnt say yes but I said im sure it would he exciting. Faat forward a couple months and one night when we are drunk I blurt out that Id love to see her ride a giant dildo. She immediately asked if it was only a dildo I wanted to see. Thats when I just spilled all the beans, I wanted to see her with a black guy. She was into the idea but shy about it nonethless we downloaded tinder and we started swiping for her potential bull. I cant begin to explain how excited and aroused this all made me. This was over a decade of sexual fantasizing coming to fruition.
We choose one guy of many, offering him to.come over that night. No time like the present when drunk and horny. My girlfriend put on some sexy lingerie and I drank some more. The guy arrived, a bit taller than me, less chubby, and black. My girlfriend started on him fast. She took him to the bedroom and I got set up just behind the door peaking in so they had a little privacy and comfort. My heart was pounding, my dick was already hard. He started kissing her and it felt weird. He went down on her and she seemed to enjoy it. I was starting to feel less excited and more paranoid. Then it happened, he stood up, unzipped his pants and pulled out my fantasy, a very big dick. When he grabbed my girlfriend by the hair and pushed her mouth onto it is when my stomach sank. I was jealous, and in shock. The fantasy was happening. The worst part was the eye contact. She looked at me quite few times while he was using her mouth.
I know, I should have stopped it there. But I was afraid and just sat there watching. It was not like my fantasy. When he bent her over and started putting his big dick in her vagina thats really when I got almost sick. He did his thing for a while, wanted her in a few positions until he eventually finished on her face.
He left. I couldnt talk to my girlfriend. She cried. Its been a few weeks and I havent had sex with her again. Cuckoldihg ruined my confidence and image of he
