Hey, I used to have this problem a few months ago. A few months ago I was pissed and depressed. I would cry every single day and I used to daydream about doing shootings. I know this shit seems cringe, but I'm being genuine and I wanted to cry every second of my life back then. I only got rid of my envy after I prayed constantly to Jesus, I don't know if you don't believe in him or do, but I just wanted to say that. Although I'm significantly depressed, I can't compare myself now vs a few months ago without being shocked. I hope God can heal your heart. I was so emotional about it and I understood it was wrong, but I couldn't let go of emotion. Try to love others the best you can.