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I'm going to kill myself (the falling route)

Joined
Oct 22, 2025
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I never connected with anyone. No sleepovers, no late-night talks, no shared secrets. Just me, this room, and this computer. And what comes next? Graduate, go to college, and end up in a cramped, uninspired apartment, eating the same slop every day, consuming what I’m told to consume, staring at walls that have no idea I exist. Punch a clock, pay the bills, scrape by paycheck to paycheck… and die, leaving no mark, no influence, nothing at all. Just a life shrunk to a small apartment and a small routine, and that’s supposed to be it.

I came here hoping for laughs, hoping for some connection with someone, anyone. Just a little spark. I’m desperate for it. And for a moment, it helped — a comment, a tiny emoji, a sentence that felt like it might reach me. But it never did. Life keeps handing out these tiny messages, these crumbs of attention, and none of it ever lands. It’s all small. Small gestures. Small laughs. Small, meaningless interactions. And it’s not enough. It’s never enough
I came here hoping for laughs, hoping to meet someone… a woman, anyone who might actually see me. I wanted a connection, even a tiny one, to break through this wall I’ve been living behind. For a second, it almost worked — a comment, a little joke, a tiny emoji. It felt like it might reach me. But it didn’t. None of it did.


I won’t be the guy with a penthouse, with a girl laughing beside him, living a life people write about. I’m not that guy. I’ll end up in a small apartment with no windows, eating the same slop I always have, consuming the same things, staring at walls that don’t care I exist. That’s it. That’s all there is. No excitement, no love story, no escape — just small, small, small, like always

I wasn’t the kid anyone wanted to be around. I cried at recess, begged for attention, did dumb things just to be noticed — and the other kids laughed. Not with me, at me. Like I was some object, something to mock, not a person. And that… that never left me

No girl will ever look at me with love, invite me to concerts, ask me to hang out, or even just see me and meet my eyes like I matter.no girl will look at my eyes mine not at someone elses but at me.

I never had a girl who’d actually see me, really see me. Someone who’d text me at 2 a.m.

a girl who’d actually see me, really see me. Someone who’d text me at 2 a.m., drag me to concerts, or just sit on a rooftop while the city hums below us, neon lights reflecting in her eyes.

I won’t be the guy with a girl texting me just to come over, leaning into me like I’m the only person in the world, laughing at the same dumb inside jokes, sneaking snacks in a room that smells like her perfume

This is my life. My one life. My one being. My one human life. And it’s just wasted.”
 
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