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i've gone months without showering

menaquinone

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Oct 31, 2024
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showering is performative. did i ever tell you that sometimes, i've been known to go entire months without showering? when my miasmatic powers are active, i can singe off people's eyebrows by blowing into my armpit in their general direction.

one time, as a teenager, i saw my father using the only computer in the house with internet access, the skin under his receding hairline shining like an eggshell in the light from the front window. well, I wanted to surf the web.
so, i walked up to him, i raised my arm, and i swiped my sweaty, reeking armpit down his face, from his forehead to his chin, like his head was the magnetic stripe on a credit card and my armpit was the reader. i then watched with some amusement as he stood straight up from his chair and wordlessly ambled around the house, making confused and pained noises as the smell clinging to his face stung his eyeballs and twisted his nose hairs into knots.

i think the only reason why he never plotted revenge was because i'd succeeded in frying the brain cells responsible for that activity.
 
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