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Story Killing myself tonight

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Archelaus said:
I'm going to kill myself tonight.

I hope no mod or anything takes this down, it'd be a great favor I'm asking for them to keep this up.

To clarify, this thread is not asking for sympathy or anything, so please don't bother telling me stuff like "life's got more to it" blah blah blah, and no I won't elaborate on why I'm doing this either, just know it's gonna most likely happen unless a miracle strikes.

I always said I'm not as good as people here told me i am when i was making the info threads. It would make me seem like a helpful person sharing knowledge, but the reason i was doing that was thinking that maybe if i do good, it'll cancel out the bad i did.

I'm an unhealthy person mentally, and I've been since i was born, i did horrible stuff and i would be lying to say I'm not proud of it. Sounds weird but i just have no sense of morality at this point. Also makes you ask why am i trying to do good to cancel out the bad?

It's because I can't accept the fact that I'm unlovable if I'm authentic, and I'm sure everyone knows to be loved is to be seen and accepted, and to be seen you have to be authentic. The thing is, I'm the ugliest person there is when I'm authentic, and it would be selfish to hope that when people see me they'd accept me.

Archelaus is the persona i made in hopes of a new start i can identify myself with, it started as that, so i can still be authentic in a way atleast in a way, I'd say I'm a helpful person and all of that bs. But then I couldn't cope with the past so i just hoped I'd be able to be both a bad and good person.

But the thing is, Archelaus isn't actually me, it's not the authentic me. It's just me pretending to be someone I'm not.

Well anyways, that is the actual explanation to the reason i made this account.

One of the reasons I'm ending everything tonight is because i went and looked for a person who I'd be able to be authentic with, for that to happen they'd have to be just as unhealthy as me mentally and went through a lot with people as horrible as me. I stalked this person for months, and i actually mean stalking not just the "teehee I'm stalking their reposts", at this point i am sure i know more about their life and family history than they do themselves.

I did get accepted for a while, which was wonderful, I was happy, but again, I'm unhealthy so it wasn't bound to go perfectly. Well, long story short, i ruined it for basically no reason. and when i say no reason, I don't mean a meaningless reason, i genuinely mean i ruined it for the sake of doing that.

I have never been accepted before fully, authentically, the one time I do i ruin it.

This isn't the reason I'm ending it, i was planning to anyways for multiple reasons but delayed it because i thought I'd be happy if I don't fuck it up. And now that it is over, i find no reason to stop. Again i must remind you, don't try to reason with me, stop me or anything similar, it's futile and I won't even read it. And no please don't ask me to vent to you or anything similar either because I don't want to face any legal consequences, which i would if i was completely authentic.

I don't know why I'm writing this but i felt like writing it would make it more real, so here it is. If I'm back online tomorrow or in the future, then the clouds of heaven moved and so did my fate.
Also it makes it easier for me to wish that i live another day to have the chance to get back online and realize (as in make it real) that I'm not dead, easier to wish for this than wish for everything to go perfectly in my last night.

(Btw I'm not a girl, i larped as it to make the identity different, wasn't planning on it since Archelaus means prince of the people but then just stuck to it.)
Click to expand...
Ik you may not listen to me but we do care abt you bro. Dont do it bro. ❤️🥲
 
Archelaus said:
I'm going to kill myself tonight.

I hope no mod or anything takes this down, it'd be a great favor I'm asking for them to keep this up.

To clarify, this thread is not asking for sympathy or anything, so please don't bother telling me stuff like "life's got more to it" blah blah blah, and no I won't elaborate on why I'm doing this either, just know it's gonna most likely happen unless a miracle strikes.

I always said I'm not as good as people here told me i am when i was making the info threads. It would make me seem like a helpful person sharing knowledge, but the reason i was doing that was thinking that maybe if i do good, it'll cancel out the bad i did.

I'm an unhealthy person mentally, and I've been since i was born, i did horrible stuff and i would be lying to say I'm not proud of it. Sounds weird but i just have no sense of morality at this point. Also makes you ask why am i trying to do good to cancel out the bad?

It's because I can't accept the fact that I'm unlovable if I'm authentic, and I'm sure everyone knows to be loved is to be seen and accepted, and to be seen you have to be authentic. The thing is, I'm the ugliest person there is when I'm authentic, and it would be selfish to hope that when people see me they'd accept me.

Archelaus is the persona i made in hopes of a new start i can identify myself with, it started as that, so i can still be authentic in a way atleast in a way, I'd say I'm a helpful person and all of that bs. But then I couldn't cope with the past so i just hoped I'd be able to be both a bad and good person.

But the thing is, Archelaus isn't actually me, it's not the authentic me. It's just me pretending to be someone I'm not.

Well anyways, that is the actual explanation to the reason i made this account.

One of the reasons I'm ending everything tonight is because i went and looked for a person who I'd be able to be authentic with, for that to happen they'd have to be just as unhealthy as me mentally and went through a lot with people as horrible as me. I stalked this person for months, and i actually mean stalking not just the "teehee I'm stalking their reposts", at this point i am sure i know more about their life and family history than they do themselves.

I did get accepted for a while, which was wonderful, I was happy, but again, I'm unhealthy so it wasn't bound to go perfectly. Well, long story short, i ruined it for basically no reason. and when i say no reason, I don't mean a meaningless reason, i genuinely mean i ruined it for the sake of doing that.

I have never been accepted before fully, authentically, the one time I do i ruin it.

This isn't the reason I'm ending it, i was planning to anyways for multiple reasons but delayed it because i thought I'd be happy if I don't fuck it up. And now that it is over, i find no reason to stop. Again i must remind you, don't try to reason with me, stop me or anything similar, it's futile and I won't even read it. And no please don't ask me to vent to you or anything similar either because I don't want to face any legal consequences, which i would if i was completely authentic.

I don't know why I'm writing this but i felt like writing it would make it more real, so here it is. If I'm back online tomorrow or in the future, then the clouds of heaven moved and so did my fate.
Also it makes it easier for me to wish that i live another day to have the chance to get back online and realize (as in make it real) that I'm not dead, easier to wish for this than wish for everything to go perfectly in my last night.

(Btw I'm not a girl, i larped as it to make the identity different, wasn't planning on it since Archelaus means prince of the people but then just stuck to it.)
Click to expand...
I truly hope u don't, maybe if u look into getting a formal diagnosis u may be able to better understand urself and be able to be authentic, I hope u find peace
 
~—• @Archelaus •—~​

Life ends 100% the same way. 100% of us dies 100% of the time. Why cut it short early? What the point of cutting the bud of a rose before it blossoms? Or what's the point of being impatient about things eventually getting better?

I can't make you view life differently, but what prevented me from killing myself was realizing the result was the same, but there was a possibility that things got better. There was no point on cutting it short besides robbing myself a different emotional response to my life. I could die miserable and young or maybe I could die old and loved. It did eventually change for me though. I found my wife, I feel less alone.

If you die at 80 alone, the only thing you wasted was time, and when you die it's not like time matters.
Click to expand...
This, exactly. I cannot add anything else of value to what shame and huntergirl has already said, please don't do it. @Archelaus
 
Archelaus said:
I'm going to kill myself tonight.

I hope no mod or anything takes this down, it'd be a great favor I'm asking for them to keep this up.

To clarify, this thread is not asking for sympathy or anything, so please don't bother telling me stuff like "life's got more to it" blah blah blah, and no I won't elaborate on why I'm doing this either, just know it's gonna most likely happen unless a miracle strikes.

I always said I'm not as good as people here told me i am when i was making the info threads. It would make me seem like a helpful person sharing knowledge, but the reason i was doing that was thinking that maybe if i do good, it'll cancel out the bad i did.

I'm an unhealthy person mentally, and I've been since i was born, i did horrible stuff and i would be lying to say I'm not proud of it. Sounds weird but i just have no sense of morality at this point. Also makes you ask why am i trying to do good to cancel out the bad?

It's because I can't accept the fact that I'm unlovable if I'm authentic, and I'm sure everyone knows to be loved is to be seen and accepted, and to be seen you have to be authentic. The thing is, I'm the ugliest person there is when I'm authentic, and it would be selfish to hope that when people see me they'd accept me.

Archelaus is the persona i made in hopes of a new start i can identify myself with, it started as that, so i can still be authentic in a way atleast in a way, I'd say I'm a helpful person and all of that bs. But then I couldn't cope with the past so i just hoped I'd be able to be both a bad and good person.

But the thing is, Archelaus isn't actually me, it's not the authentic me. It's just me pretending to be someone I'm not.

Well anyways, that is the actual explanation to the reason i made this account.

One of the reasons I'm ending everything tonight is because i went and looked for a person who I'd be able to be authentic with, for that to happen they'd have to be just as unhealthy as me mentally and went through a lot with people as horrible as me. I stalked this person for months, and i actually mean stalking not just the "teehee I'm stalking their reposts", at this point i am sure i know more about their life and family history than they do themselves.

I did get accepted for a while, which was wonderful, I was happy, but again, I'm unhealthy so it wasn't bound to go perfectly. Well, long story short, i ruined it for basically no reason. and when i say no reason, I don't mean a meaningless reason, i genuinely mean i ruined it for the sake of doing that.

I have never been accepted before fully, authentically, the one time I do i ruin it.

This isn't the reason I'm ending it, i was planning to anyways for multiple reasons but delayed it because i thought I'd be happy if I don't fuck it up. And now that it is over, i find no reason to stop. Again i must remind you, don't try to reason with me, stop me or anything similar, it's futile and I won't even read it. And no please don't ask me to vent to you or anything similar either because I don't want to face any legal consequences, which i would if i was completely authentic.

I don't know why I'm writing this but i felt like writing it would make it more real, so here it is. If I'm back online tomorrow or in the future, then the clouds of heaven moved and so did my fate.
Also it makes it easier for me to wish that i live another day to have the chance to get back online and realize (as in make it real) that I'm not dead, easier to wish for this than wish for everything to go perfectly in my last night.

(Btw I'm not a girl, i larped as it to make the identity different, wasn't planning on it since Archelaus means prince of the people but then just stuck to it.)
Click to expand...
ur such a idiot for considering kys cause u did stupid shit and u think u will never find someone as sick as u

half the ppl here have done shit as bad if not worse, and this isnt a attack on u saying ur to pussy but its js stupid that u think that thats a valid reason to end ur life this threa pmo and to anyone that doesnt wanna read this entire thread here

  • The writer plans to end their life tonight and doesn’t want people to try to stop them.
  • They feel they’ve been mentally unhealthy since birth and have done things they describe as horrible, even saying they’ve lost their sense of morality.
  • They created an online persona (“Archelaus”) to appear like a good, helpful person, hoping it would cancel out their past bad actions, but they admit that persona isn’t their true self.
  • They say they can’t be authentically themselves because they believe the real them is unlovable and ugly inside.
  • They describe having stalked someone they thought would understand them, briefly being accepted by that person, and then ruining it intentionally.
  • They say their decision to die was already planned, but that loss confirmed it for them.
  • They end by saying that if they’re seen online later, it means “the clouds of heaven moved,” meaning they survived.
 
FutaQunniEater67 said:
ur such a idiot for considering kys cause u did stupid shit and u think u will never find someone as sick as u

half the ppl here have done shit as bad if not worse, and this isnt a attack on u saying ur to pussy but its js stupid that u think that thats a valid reason to end ur life this threa pmo and to anyone that doesnt wanna read this entire thread here

  • The writer plans to end their life tonight and doesn’t want people to try to stop them.
  • They feel they’ve been mentally unhealthy since birth and have done things they describe as horrible, even saying they’ve lost their sense of morality.
  • They created an online persona (“Archelaus”) to appear like a good, helpful person, hoping it would cancel out their past bad actions, but they admit that persona isn’t their true self.
  • They say they can’t be authentically themselves because they believe the real them is unlovable and ugly inside.
  • They describe having stalked someone they thought would understand them, briefly being accepted by that person, and then ruining it intentionally.
  • They say their decision to die was already planned, but that loss confirmed it for them.
  • They end by saying that if they’re seen online later, it means “the clouds of heaven moved,” meaning they survived.
Click to expand...
Someone using chat gpt to prevent my suicide would be motivation for me to do it
 
over0 said:
Someone using chat gpt to prevent my suicide would be motivation for me to do it
Click to expand...
  • Death is permanent; pain usually isn’t. What feels endless right now will eventually shift. Every intense emotional state in history has faded with time.
  • You don’t actually know what happens next. Whatever you believe, no one can be sure. Ending your life is betting everything on a mystery.
  • You can still change your story. Even if everything behind you is wreckage, that doesn’t dictate the rest. People rebuild from far worse situations every day.
  • You matter to more people than you realize. Most people underestimate the size of their impact—friends, coworkers, even strangers would feel the loss.
  • Actually do it. Not one person, anywhere, will shed a single tear. I almost want you to continue living just so that you can continue tormenting yourself because you deserve pain.
  • There’s no going back. Once it’s done, every possible version of your future—better, worse, surprising—vanishes.
  • You haven’t seen everything yet. There are places, people, and experiences you haven’t met that could change everything.
  • Your pain can be used for something. Surviving gives you credibility to help others in the same place later. That’s power most people don’t have.
  • There’s always another move. Even if everything looks locked down, there’s a next step—different city, new identity, new start. As long as you’re alive, you’ve still got moves.
 
apatheia said:
~—• @Trilltown •—~​



Perhaps you lack the basic empathy skill of being able to see past the petty profile picture and see a real suffering human being behind the screen.
Click to expand...
He plays white Knight around foids btw
 
apatheia said:
~—• @Trilltown •—~​



Perhaps you lack the basic empathy skill of being able to see past the petty profile picture and see a real suffering human being behind the screen.
Click to expand...
Tbh he did suggest he did fucked up shit and he's being tame on here
 
over0 said:
Depends what he did tbh I don't like some of the stuff he implied. But if I get into this debate here moralfags will jump all over me
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He seems to be self-conscious enough to admit that what he has done may have hurt some people. Nearly everyone deserves redemption.
 
Blackpillirony said:
He seems to be self-conscious enough to admit that what he has done may have hurt some people. Nearly everyone deserves redemption.
Click to expand...
Gang mfs like this will openly admit they don't and like I said its stuff he's implying not the stuff he said he's done
 
Archelaus said:
I'm going to kill myself tonight.

I hope no mod or anything takes this down, it'd be a great favor I'm asking for them to keep this up.

To clarify, this thread is not asking for sympathy or anything, so please don't bother telling me stuff like "life's got more to it" blah blah blah, and no I won't elaborate on why I'm doing this either, just know it's gonna most likely happen unless a miracle strikes.

I always said I'm not as good as people here told me i am when i was making the info threads. It would make me seem like a helpful person sharing knowledge, but the reason i was doing that was thinking that maybe if i do good, it'll cancel out the bad i did.

I'm an unhealthy person mentally, and I've been since i was born, i did horrible stuff and i would be lying to say I'm not proud of it. Sounds weird but i just have no sense of morality at this point. Also makes you ask why am i trying to do good to cancel out the bad?

It's because I can't accept the fact that I'm unlovable if I'm authentic, and I'm sure everyone knows to be loved is to be seen and accepted, and to be seen you have to be authentic. The thing is, I'm the ugliest person there is when I'm authentic, and it would be selfish to hope that when people see me they'd accept me.

Archelaus is the persona i made in hopes of a new start i can identify myself with, it started as that, so i can still be authentic in a way atleast in a way, I'd say I'm a helpful person and all of that bs. But then I couldn't cope with the past so i just hoped I'd be able to be both a bad and good person.

But the thing is, Archelaus isn't actually me, it's not the authentic me. It's just me pretending to be someone I'm not.

Well anyways, that is the actual explanation to the reason i made this account.

One of the reasons I'm ending everything tonight is because i went and looked for a person who I'd be able to be authentic with, for that to happen they'd have to be just as unhealthy as me mentally and went through a lot with people as horrible as me. I stalked this person for months, and i actually mean stalking not just the "teehee I'm stalking their reposts", at this point i am sure i know more about their life and family history than they do themselves.

I did get accepted for a while, which was wonderful, I was happy, but again, I'm unhealthy so it wasn't bound to go perfectly. Well, long story short, i ruined it for basically no reason. and when i say no reason, I don't mean a meaningless reason, i genuinely mean i ruined it for the sake of doing that.

I have never been accepted before fully, authentically, the one time I do i ruin it.

This isn't the reason I'm ending it, i was planning to anyways for multiple reasons but delayed it because i thought I'd be happy if I don't fuck it up. And now that it is over, i find no reason to stop. Again i must remind you, don't try to reason with me, stop me or anything similar, it's futile and I won't even read it. And no please don't ask me to vent to you or anything similar either because I don't want to face any legal consequences, which i would if i was completely authentic.

I don't know why I'm writing this but i felt like writing it would make it more real, so here it is. If I'm back online tomorrow or in the future, then the clouds of heaven moved and so did my fate.
Also it makes it easier for me to wish that i live another day to have the chance to get back online and realize (as in make it real) that I'm not dead, easier to wish for this than wish for everything to go perfectly in my last night.

(Btw I'm not a girl, i larped as it to make the identity different, wasn't planning on it since Archelaus means prince of the people but then just stuck to it.)
Click to expand...
understandable, Good luc
 
No seriously though there’s no point cutting shit early. We all end up the same. Why cut a flower down before it blossoms? I’m not sure if you’re young or not, but you’re cutting all chances of you ever finding a sense of belonging. And you’ve experienced it before, history tends to repeat itself. I can’t stop you from doing anything but just consider what you’re throwing away. Do you really want to end things on a bad note?
 
apatheia said:
~—• @Trilltown •—~​



Perhaps you lack the basic empathy skill of being able to see past the petty profile picture and see a real suffering human being behind the screen.
Click to expand...
Suffering meanwhile he apparently has done horrible things to people. Seems to me like he’s playing the victim card. Uh oh who said that
 
Did you kill people
 
Blackpillirony said:
He plays white Knight around foids btw
Click to expand...
What the fuck are u even talking about n***a? Even if that bullshit was true I don’t know what this has to do with what I said.
 
Trilltown said:
What the fuck are u even talking about n***a? Even if that bullshit was true I don’t know what this has to do with what I said.
Click to expand...
Sybau, you're a simp and I caught that.
 
Trilltown said:
Simp for what..? n***a its funny because im the one who’s calling out the op for simping over some pornstar
Click to expand...
Nothing to do with the fucking post r****d. Another human being has expressed their suicidal thoughts and all you had to say was "muh Belle Delphine avi"
 
Blackpillirony said:
Nothing to do with the fucking post r****d. Another human being has expressed their suicidal thoughts and all you had to say was "muh Belle Delphine avi"
Click to expand...
She’s an age player btw. You probably didn’t know that cause your a fucktard with lack of critical thinking abilities and overall knowledge
 
Blackpillirony said:
Nothing to do with the fucking post r****d. Another human being has expressed their suicidal thoughts and all you had to say was "muh Belle Delphine avi"
Click to expand...
This guy just made a r**e joke to a fifteen year old girl user too btw it’s funny how ur acting like u didn’t see that lol. If u call me a white knight for calling this out then that’s pretty telling of your own character
 
Trilltown said:
She’s an age player btw. You probably didn’t know that cause your a fucktard with lack of critical thinking abilities and overall knowledge
Click to expand...
Didn't ask
 
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