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Story Killing myself tonight

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Trilltown said:
This guy just made a r**e joke to a fifteen year old girl user too btw it’s funny how ur acting like u didn’t see that lol. If u call me a white knight for this then that’s pretty telling of your character
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Ye I saw that, lots of users have made questionable jokes too and not that I prone this behaviour OP's mental health still should be a priority
 
Blackpillirony said:
Ye I saw that, lots of users have made questionable jokes too and not that I prone this behaviour OP's mental health still should be a priority
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She's doing this for attention and it's actually sad for the people that have committed suicide alot of them didn't leave or say anything because they actually wanted to do it
 
Archelaus said:
I'm going to kill myself tonight.

I hope no mod or anything takes this down, it'd be a great favor I'm asking for them to keep this up.

To clarify, this thread is not asking for sympathy or anything, so please don't bother telling me stuff like "life's got more to it" blah blah blah, and no I won't elaborate on why I'm doing this either, just know it's gonna most likely happen unless a miracle strikes.

I always said I'm not as good as people here told me i am when i was making the info threads. It would make me seem like a helpful person sharing knowledge, but the reason i was doing that was thinking that maybe if i do good, it'll cancel out the bad i did.

I'm an unhealthy person mentally, and I've been since i was born, i did horrible stuff and i would be lying to say I'm not proud of it. Sounds weird but i just have no sense of morality at this point. Also makes you ask why am i trying to do good to cancel out the bad?

It's because I can't accept the fact that I'm unlovable if I'm authentic, and I'm sure everyone knows to be loved is to be seen and accepted, and to be seen you have to be authentic. The thing is, I'm the ugliest person there is when I'm authentic, and it would be selfish to hope that when people see me they'd accept me.

Archelaus is the persona i made in hopes of a new start i can identify myself with, it started as that, so i can still be authentic in a way atleast in a way, I'd say I'm a helpful person and all of that bs. But then I couldn't cope with the past so i just hoped I'd be able to be both a bad and good person.

But the thing is, Archelaus isn't actually me, it's not the authentic me. It's just me pretending to be someone I'm not.

Well anyways, that is the actual explanation to the reason i made this account.

One of the reasons I'm ending everything tonight is because i went and looked for a person who I'd be able to be authentic with, for that to happen they'd have to be just as unhealthy as me mentally and went through a lot with people as horrible as me. I stalked this person for months, and i actually mean stalking not just the "teehee I'm stalking their reposts", at this point i am sure i know more about their life and family history than they do themselves.

I did get accepted for a while, which was wonderful, I was happy, but again, I'm unhealthy so it wasn't bound to go perfectly. Well, long story short, i ruined it for basically no reason. and when i say no reason, I don't mean a meaningless reason, i genuinely mean i ruined it for the sake of doing that.

I have never been accepted before fully, authentically, the one time I do i ruin it.

This isn't the reason I'm ending it, i was planning to anyways for multiple reasons but delayed it because i thought I'd be happy if I don't fuck it up. And now that it is over, i find no reason to stop. Again i must remind you, don't try to reason with me, stop me or anything similar, it's futile and I won't even read it. And no please don't ask me to vent to you or anything similar either because I don't want to face any legal consequences, which i would if i was completely authentic.

I don't know why I'm writing this but i felt like writing it would make it more real, so here it is. If I'm back online tomorrow or in the future, then the clouds of heaven moved and so did my fate.
Also it makes it easier for me to wish that i live another day to have the chance to get back online and realize (as in make it real) that I'm not dead, easier to wish for this than wish for everything to go perfectly in my last night.

(Btw I'm not a girl, i larped as it to make the identity different, wasn't planning on it since Archelaus means prince of the people but then just stuck to it.)
Click to expand...
what did u do u can tell me
 
Archelaus said:
I'm going to kill myself tonight.

I hope no mod or anything takes this down, it'd be a great favor I'm asking for them to keep this up.

To clarify, this thread is not asking for sympathy or anything, so please don't bother telling me stuff like "life's got more to it" blah blah blah, and no I won't elaborate on why I'm doing this either, just know it's gonna most likely happen unless a miracle strikes.

I always said I'm not as good as people here told me i am when i was making the info threads. It would make me seem like a helpful person sharing knowledge, but the reason i was doing that was thinking that maybe if i do good, it'll cancel out the bad i did.

I'm an unhealthy person mentally, and I've been since i was born, i did horrible stuff and i would be lying to say I'm not proud of it. Sounds weird but i just have no sense of morality at this point. Also makes you ask why am i trying to do good to cancel out the bad?

It's because I can't accept the fact that I'm unlovable if I'm authentic, and I'm sure everyone knows to be loved is to be seen and accepted, and to be seen you have to be authentic. The thing is, I'm the ugliest person there is when I'm authentic, and it would be selfish to hope that when people see me they'd accept me.

Archelaus is the persona i made in hopes of a new start i can identify myself with, it started as that, so i can still be authentic in a way atleast in a way, I'd say I'm a helpful person and all of that bs. But then I couldn't cope with the past so i just hoped I'd be able to be both a bad and good person.

But the thing is, Archelaus isn't actually me, it's not the authentic me. It's just me pretending to be someone I'm not.

Well anyways, that is the actual explanation to the reason i made this account.

One of the reasons I'm ending everything tonight is because i went and looked for a person who I'd be able to be authentic with, for that to happen they'd have to be just as unhealthy as me mentally and went through a lot with people as horrible as me. I stalked this person for months, and i actually mean stalking not just the "teehee I'm stalking their reposts", at this point i am sure i know more about their life and family history than they do themselves.

I did get accepted for a while, which was wonderful, I was happy, but again, I'm unhealthy so it wasn't bound to go perfectly. Well, long story short, i ruined it for basically no reason. and when i say no reason, I don't mean a meaningless reason, i genuinely mean i ruined it for the sake of doing that.

I have never been accepted before fully, authentically, the one time I do i ruin it.

This isn't the reason I'm ending it, i was planning to anyways for multiple reasons but delayed it because i thought I'd be happy if I don't fuck it up. And now that it is over, i find no reason to stop. Again i must remind you, don't try to reason with me, stop me or anything similar, it's futile and I won't even read it. And no please don't ask me to vent to you or anything similar either because I don't want to face any legal consequences, which i would if i was completely authentic.

I don't know why I'm writing this but i felt like writing it would make it more real, so here it is. If I'm back online tomorrow or in the future, then the clouds of heaven moved and so did my fate.
Also it makes it easier for me to wish that i live another day to have the chance to get back online and realize (as in make it real) that I'm not dead, easier to wish for this than wish for everything to go perfectly in my last night.

(Btw I'm not a girl, i larped as it to make the identity different, wasn't planning on it since Archelaus means prince of the people but then just stuck to it.)
Click to expand...
holy dnr if you really wanted to rope you would've BEEN done it. just typing shit for attention like yk these incels in here do NOT gaf...performative.
 
Archelaus said:
I'm going to kill myself tonight.

I hope no mod or anything takes this down, it'd be a great favor I'm asking for them to keep this up.

To clarify, this thread is not asking for sympathy or anything, so please don't bother telling me stuff like "life's got more to it" blah blah blah, and no I won't elaborate on why I'm doing this either, just know it's gonna most likely happen unless a miracle strikes.

I always said I'm not as good as people here told me i am when i was making the info threads. It would make me seem like a helpful person sharing knowledge, but the reason i was doing that was thinking that maybe if i do good, it'll cancel out the bad i did.

I'm an unhealthy person mentally, and I've been since i was born, i did horrible stuff and i would be lying to say I'm not proud of it. Sounds weird but i just have no sense of morality at this point. Also makes you ask why am i trying to do good to cancel out the bad?

It's because I can't accept the fact that I'm unlovable if I'm authentic, and I'm sure everyone knows to be loved is to be seen and accepted, and to be seen you have to be authentic. The thing is, I'm the ugliest person there is when I'm authentic, and it would be selfish to hope that when people see me they'd accept me.

Archelaus is the persona i made in hopes of a new start i can identify myself with, it started as that, so i can still be authentic in a way atleast in a way, I'd say I'm a helpful person and all of that bs. But then I couldn't cope with the past so i just hoped I'd be able to be both a bad and good person.

But the thing is, Archelaus isn't actually me, it's not the authentic me. It's just me pretending to be someone I'm not.

Well anyways, that is the actual explanation to the reason i made this account.

One of the reasons I'm ending everything tonight is because i went and looked for a person who I'd be able to be authentic with, for that to happen they'd have to be just as unhealthy as me mentally and went through a lot with people as horrible as me. I stalked this person for months, and i actually mean stalking not just the "teehee I'm stalking their reposts", at this point i am sure i know more about their life and family history than they do themselves.

I did get accepted for a while, which was wonderful, I was happy, but again, I'm unhealthy so it wasn't bound to go perfectly. Well, long story short, i ruined it for basically no reason. and when i say no reason, I don't mean a meaningless reason, i genuinely mean i ruined it for the sake of doing that.

I have never been accepted before fully, authentically, the one time I do i ruin it.

This isn't the reason I'm ending it, i was planning to anyways for multiple reasons but delayed it because i thought I'd be happy if I don't fuck it up. And now that it is over, i find no reason to stop. Again i must remind you, don't try to reason with me, stop me or anything similar, it's futile and I won't even read it. And no please don't ask me to vent to you or anything similar either because I don't want to face any legal consequences, which i would if i was completely authentic.

I don't know why I'm writing this but i felt like writing it would make it more real, so here it is. If I'm back online tomorrow or in the future, then the clouds of heaven moved and so did my fate.
Also it makes it easier for me to wish that i live another day to have the chance to get back online and realize (as in make it real) that I'm not dead, easier to wish for this than wish for everything to go perfectly in my last night.

(Btw I'm not a girl, i larped as it to make the identity different, wasn't planning on it since Archelaus means prince of the people but then just stuck to it.)
Click to expand...
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