i really do appreciate this i didnt expect someone to write this much but thank you
i think that we definetley have our similarities, and im sorry that you had to go through that
personally i use a lot of hard stuff not just party drugs and a lot of everything whether it be steroids.. etc
i thought htat this summer would really be the difference in my life but it turns out i spend everyday doing the same thing alone
i lone for a relationship more then ever, but at the same time i feel as if im not good enough
i really just want someone to help make me nroaml again but i guess ill work on it myself
its not really this site, ive been on org for years ive done diys i mean i dont really talk to anybody and my family isolates themselves from me
i do have hope that on my own ill improve
and i know that if i stay like this itll probably get worse but tis hard to break the loop
i mean im 17 soon with no experience in a lot of things 17 year olds would be
and its just embarrasimng to me and all i feel is envy for those that can be declared "normal"
but at the same time i dont want to fake myself its not what i believe in
so yet agian thank you for the kind words, im gonna try to hear out what you said and take action before its too late
I really relate with you too.
The summer thing is the same for me, I think "I should glow up" and it's the prime time to work on yourself.
But what I've realized is you change so much during the school year, if not more (It's just harder to tell) Don't beat yourself up for not achieving all the goals you had set for yourself. Things take time.
I also spend most of my time alone doing the same thing and it feels like a drag, but it's your time. Make the best of it.
You won't ever feel ready or have the motivation but you gotta do it anyway. There's no "one more hit"
What do you do everyday?
I know journaling is usually bs but just asking yourself these couple questions will help a lot (you don't even gotta write them down cuz ik how hard it is to put in effort where you are rn)
- What do I want
- How do I get what I want
- What do I not want
- How do I avoid what I don't want
- What do I spend the majority of my time doing
And once you have done these things, see how you spend your time.
Time is currency. The time WE are spending on this forum could be used for something else, like working out, reading, or simply resting.
Rest is a great way to spend your time.
If you really want to improve, treasure your time. But don't take this as "I can't waste time" just don't waste it on the wrong things.
Taking breaks it totally fine, do not beat yourself up for that.
I'm sure while you are asking yourself these questions you will get thoughts of wanting to just give up (call of the void) or thinking "these destructive habits are ultimately getting me to what I want" but, those destructive habits are actually preventing it, and the thoughts of wanting to just give up show u are tired. Have some grace on yourself.
You are hurting so much man I can see it.
You don't have to break the loop completely today, just sever one link and over time the loop with loosen. You don't gotta go cold turkey yet, maybe just lower your dosage. You don't have to love yourself, maybe just find one thing that could be worse and treasure that (like your able body, so many chronically ill patients did not treasure being able to run in the grass until it was no longer available for them) Ik this is sum corny repetitive shit but it's repeated because it's true and it works
I partially understand the pain of being a kv, I watch my friends as the third wheel all the time (when I do have friends) and it makes you feel inadequet or like "why can't I be loved like everybody else" but... lowk idk how to fix this cuz me too man
But something that made it better for me is that I learned to enjoy my own company.
I only have me myself and I
At the end of the day it's only me and myself forever. And that's good, because I can change myself, I can do anything wtih myself, I am myself. You aren't your thoughts. You can choose whatever you want to think. You don't have to rely on others.
Connection is good but you have to be devoted to yourself first.
Don't improve and work to feel accepted but do it out of devotion for yourself.
You aren't letting anybody down.
You are already doing so good.
You aren't staying stuck and have the mindset to grow
You can do this man
