It feels like i have been in a state of psychosis the last months or like im always drunk.
I can't think properly anymore and Im failing my classes because of that.
My inhib lowered but at what cost. nothing feels real anymore.
My brain doesn't work anymore.
Just wanted to get this of my heart. i actually wanted to go to bed but these thoughts have been keeping me up. goodnight com
to be real the person yall interacted with wasn't me. Like i explained it feels like I have been in a state of psychosis the last months so basically my whole time on com .
I think I need to find myself again or something or do a pause from everything distracting. idk.
i just need to do something.
Im sick of this forum I dont wanna lose more braincels on here. i also wont be a f****t that will just rott on org instead. i should quit everything for the better and do a break from the internet. idc if this is cringe or if nobody cares about this, i post this just so i can express my thoughts ,all my previous posts were also only expressions of my thoughts. I can't talk about my problems with normies for obvious reasons.. I don't wanna live anymore. i havent had the will to live for now over a year but shit is only getting worse and worse. I dont wanna get revenge on normies I just wanna end it, it would all be pointless anyways once i die if i die happy or sad , it doesnt matter. I wanna sleep for eternity and never wake up again. I wanna live in nature alone without people, without cortisol spikes. i wanna disappear.
I don#t wanna be myself, not only because im a subhuman f****t but also cause i have a horrible and annoying personality, at least im self aware. if I die I will probably go to hell and suffer for eternity, i deserve it. im ungrateful and sensitive but I will never change this mindset, idc to change. I tried so many times and it just got worse. Im no longer delusional as i used to be but I also don't have any hope.
I hate myself, but I know this isn#t my fault. life is just unfair, but its hard to comprehend how unfair life really is, there is no justice, I wanted to ensure justice by myself through revenge but im a powerless f****t. being the "weird kid" at school and being suicidal for 13+ months fucked with my brain and made me go from good goy christian to satanist. I know it's corny but Idc, i dont have the energy to care anymore. I still believe in christianity a bit, in the back of my mind I know its true but at the same time i hate God, its ungrateful for me to say this cause im not a fucking kid in palestine or starving kid from africa according to normies,but that doesnt make my incel life any better, i really tried to be optimistic most of my life, but I only built up anger and one day i exploded.,to be heard i dont really know what im talking about, this will probably sound like nonsene,idc .I do care and I care too much, its the truth, i try to hide from the truth, but im just one sensitive chud. Life wanted to see me fail so i did fail and live in the misery of my own thoughts now.being edgy, I hate being edgy and hateful and etc, I hate it, it's a coping mechanism for me just like believing in satanism, I do it to cope with my life where im powerless, leaving my religion and joining the literal opposite of that religion made me feel good , just like doing witchcraft made me feel good. but its all just pointless cope. I don't wanna cope anymore just to see my life get worse every year/month. I really hate being edgy, I wanna be normal and not seen as corny.
I wanna be a normie again and enjoy life, I wanna socialize again and not isolate anymore, i wanna have a best friend irl again and not be the fucking floater friend that gets excluded. I dont wanna look in the mirror and get a big cortisol spike only because of how ugly my face is. I hate this forum, everything is seen as a joke, I can't leave this forum.And I hate ,really hate all these fakecel fucking faggots on here,i hope you die if you "vent" about being ugly but you're actually good looking.I know that I will post on this stupid forum again after this cause im a pathetic incel but I will never forgive normies or anyone who made me mad.I hate how hateful I have become, im a horrible person,not because I dont forgive but im a bad person towards my siblings only because my serotonin levels are so damn low all the time.
if I could restart life i would be nicer to my siblings, I havent talked in years maybe even fucking 4 years with my sisters,like literally no conversation between me and my sisters. Just kill me, i only live to get humiliated by normies and to get laughed at. Am i that funny? I wanna kill everyone in minecraft who ever laughed at me. my thoughts aren't real. Im not real. Life doesn't exist. Im not a person and yall don't exist
