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Want to write this out to get some thoughts down but also as a warning to anyone out there reading who ever thinks about trying this fantasy (cuckolding) or taking their wife for granted. Sorry for the wall of text.
This fantasy has to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Backstory, When I was 20 and got my first girlfriend I had no clue what it was. I was totally normal. I don't know how it developed and maybe it needs to be studied as a mental illness.
I was a late bloomer, always wanted a GF in high school but was often shunned. I got sort of into shape in college. I met a girl sophomore year. She was a Russian Exchange student and totally out of my league. We started dating and I was totally obsessed with her. I couldn't see on fault in her and let her walk all over me.
Long story short we dated for 2 years and decided to get engaged (green card ahem). Right after we got engaged she went home for summer vacation. About a month before she returned senior year - i got a message on VK which was the russian facebook. Photos and videos and texts (proof) of my then fiancee banging some random guy. In my mind she was the sweetest most innocent person. We barely had sex since she was "shy" and it "hurt". Like the idiot I am I forgave her. I was scared of losing her. During this time is when the "fantasy" developed out of nowhere. I started looking at her photos with her and him and getting off to it. She came back and was a different person. She openly cheated on me and quickly found she could manipulate me. I would still get off to her cheating basically while crying. She ended up dumping me the next summer and moved in with another guy. I was broken.
Got a job and moved to a new city. Immediately met a wonderful women Ellie. She was sweet and the least manipulative person. The best person for me after such a terrible relationship. We hung out every day and couldn't be seperate. We took vacations together. Got into hiking and camping. By this time I had discovered cuckold porn and started become addicted to it. I didn't bring it up with Ellie since I figured it was something she wouldn't be interested in. She had never had a boyfriend but we at first had great chemistry - she was open and super trusting and fun.
As time went on we moved in but also at the same time she had sat me down a few times and had told me she wanted to improve our sex life. She was very nice about it but I reacted poorly often and became defensive. Looking back I was also inexperienced and very selfish with her. When she started trying to improve our sex life my insecurity got the best of me and I started imagining her with other men who could please her.
I eventually told her and she didnt like the idea. She couldn't understand the fantasy. Even tho she didn't like it she was awesome and would try to role play with me to make it fun. If she went on a trip she would pretend she was hooking up with someone. She even dressed more provocatively at bars and would let guys hit on her occasionally. All for me.
We then got married but our sex life got worse - mostly due to me. I started getting addicted to more porn and couldn't perform with her. This would upset her and it became a block between us. She suggested a sex therapist but I denied.
That leads us to two years ago. She started going out with more friends and drinking more. I would stay home alone. One day she asked if she could do it for real. Actually cuckold me. Since that is what I wanted right? I agreed. All excited because it was literally my biggest fantasy too.
You can read through my stupid posts as we went through this but she quickly found a guy. She had the best sex of her life. She kept seeing him with my permission and she eventually divorced me about 6 months in to be with him. I got a front row seat to my wife falling deeply love with him and actually enjoying sex. Exploring with him all the fantasies i never bothered to ask her about. Giddy over his messages and act like a person I have never seen before.
She got into shape with him. She started glowing and wearing makeup/dressing sexy. Of course during that time I gained weight and started balding. The divergence was so clear - he was successful and I started doing poorly at work. Her friends and family supported her and not me.
She just had her first baby with her new husband. They look totally happy and in love. I used to be angry with her - there was things to be angry about. She broke rules when she slept with him. She lied. She betrayed me in some ways. She blocked me after she moved out. But now im not mad at her. I get why she did it - I dont blame her anymore. I was a complacent bad husband and she deserved better.
I have tried to ignore her and get my life back on track. Working out. Dating but no success. I live in a small basement apartment and i feel like my life went totally backwards. I totally underestimated how hard it would be to date in your 30's. It is extremely lonely. Sometimes all i want is to talk to my ex wife - I will think about her all night. I can't believe how incredibly stupid i was. At the same time I still am overcome with this insanely damaging fantasy and kink. No matter what I do I can't stop fantasizing about it. It is unbearable. No therapist seems to understand or be able to help.
All I am saying is I see a lot of guys on reddit and a ton of porn. A lot of cuckold stuff. If any guy is going down that path just take this as warning it could and probably will go completely off the rails. Just tread extremely carefully. Your wife has her own feelings and wants and isnt your own porn star. Dont end up like me.
This fantasy has to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Backstory, When I was 20 and got my first girlfriend I had no clue what it was. I was totally normal. I don't know how it developed and maybe it needs to be studied as a mental illness.
I was a late bloomer, always wanted a GF in high school but was often shunned. I got sort of into shape in college. I met a girl sophomore year. She was a Russian Exchange student and totally out of my league. We started dating and I was totally obsessed with her. I couldn't see on fault in her and let her walk all over me.
Long story short we dated for 2 years and decided to get engaged (green card ahem). Right after we got engaged she went home for summer vacation. About a month before she returned senior year - i got a message on VK which was the russian facebook. Photos and videos and texts (proof) of my then fiancee banging some random guy. In my mind she was the sweetest most innocent person. We barely had sex since she was "shy" and it "hurt". Like the idiot I am I forgave her. I was scared of losing her. During this time is when the "fantasy" developed out of nowhere. I started looking at her photos with her and him and getting off to it. She came back and was a different person. She openly cheated on me and quickly found she could manipulate me. I would still get off to her cheating basically while crying. She ended up dumping me the next summer and moved in with another guy. I was broken.
Got a job and moved to a new city. Immediately met a wonderful women Ellie. She was sweet and the least manipulative person. The best person for me after such a terrible relationship. We hung out every day and couldn't be seperate. We took vacations together. Got into hiking and camping. By this time I had discovered cuckold porn and started become addicted to it. I didn't bring it up with Ellie since I figured it was something she wouldn't be interested in. She had never had a boyfriend but we at first had great chemistry - she was open and super trusting and fun.
As time went on we moved in but also at the same time she had sat me down a few times and had told me she wanted to improve our sex life. She was very nice about it but I reacted poorly often and became defensive. Looking back I was also inexperienced and very selfish with her. When she started trying to improve our sex life my insecurity got the best of me and I started imagining her with other men who could please her.
I eventually told her and she didnt like the idea. She couldn't understand the fantasy. Even tho she didn't like it she was awesome and would try to role play with me to make it fun. If she went on a trip she would pretend she was hooking up with someone. She even dressed more provocatively at bars and would let guys hit on her occasionally. All for me.
We then got married but our sex life got worse - mostly due to me. I started getting addicted to more porn and couldn't perform with her. This would upset her and it became a block between us. She suggested a sex therapist but I denied.
That leads us to two years ago. She started going out with more friends and drinking more. I would stay home alone. One day she asked if she could do it for real. Actually cuckold me. Since that is what I wanted right? I agreed. All excited because it was literally my biggest fantasy too.
You can read through my stupid posts as we went through this but she quickly found a guy. She had the best sex of her life. She kept seeing him with my permission and she eventually divorced me about 6 months in to be with him. I got a front row seat to my wife falling deeply love with him and actually enjoying sex. Exploring with him all the fantasies i never bothered to ask her about. Giddy over his messages and act like a person I have never seen before.
She got into shape with him. She started glowing and wearing makeup/dressing sexy. Of course during that time I gained weight and started balding. The divergence was so clear - he was successful and I started doing poorly at work. Her friends and family supported her and not me.
She just had her first baby with her new husband. They look totally happy and in love. I used to be angry with her - there was things to be angry about. She broke rules when she slept with him. She lied. She betrayed me in some ways. She blocked me after she moved out. But now im not mad at her. I get why she did it - I dont blame her anymore. I was a complacent bad husband and she deserved better.
I have tried to ignore her and get my life back on track. Working out. Dating but no success. I live in a small basement apartment and i feel like my life went totally backwards. I totally underestimated how hard it would be to date in your 30's. It is extremely lonely. Sometimes all i want is to talk to my ex wife - I will think about her all night. I can't believe how incredibly stupid i was. At the same time I still am overcome with this insanely damaging fantasy and kink. No matter what I do I can't stop fantasizing about it. It is unbearable. No therapist seems to understand or be able to help.
All I am saying is I see a lot of guys on reddit and a ton of porn. A lot of cuckold stuff. If any guy is going down that path just take this as warning it could and probably will go completely off the rails. Just tread extremely carefully. Your wife has her own feelings and wants and isnt your own porn star. Dont end up like me.
