- Joined
- Jul 1, 2024
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- 3d 12h
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There is an everlasting doom-like sensation that follows me around day to day. I don't particularly feel like my life is about to end, but rather like it was over a long time ago. It's embarrassing how long it took for me to realize that material will never satiate desire, I can't believe I didn't head the constant verbal reminders my parents would give me of this. I've completely wore out my perception of happiness, nothing truly intrigues me anymore. I used to have a burning passion for acquiring knowledge and now I can barely convince myself that it's worth taking the next breath. It's absurd that human emotion, such an artistic thing, can be shot down and summarized as chemical reactions in the brain. What is art if everything at base form is just calculation? It seems like everything humans find entertaining is just a front. For example, the tv show one might love to watch is a meticulously scripted and practiced session, that involves timing and precision. The screen that said show is preformed on is only existent because of generations worth of mathematical calculations. The Mona Lisa in all objectiveness is the scribbling of pigment binders that dried in a way that humans can easily recognize a pattern from. All art is just a virtue signal to what humans find satisfying to use one of their senses on, whether it be touch sight taste hearing or so forth. Because of the calculated nature of art, if one truly wants to separate the arts from all of objectivity, they would have to create something that is completely random, that way there is no purpose behind it, and therefor it cannot be analyzed down to the specific numerical details of it (disregarding the ability to deconstruct everything that exists.) I'm so tired, and I can't even say I'm tired emotionally. Because of all of this, it is only correct to say that I potentially suffer from some sort of deficiency that relates to the rate at which blood is pumped through out my body. One can stare into the empty darkness of the special void above our heads and generate complexity from it, man shall never see rest.