- Joined
- Aug 5, 2025
- Messages
- 112
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- 153
i am completely sober as i write this. this is the first time i've been sober in the last 4 weeks. my name is ilya, but my account in this forum was @thorns. i have no idea how to send an email directly to dean, nor am i interested in learning how to do so, and i don’t care about it anyway, so i'm writing it here. i'm 22 and live in russia, but i'm currently traveling to south america to escape the brutal winter that’s arriving and to meet some people i’ve known online who live there. i was banned for calling randomized a cuck (if i remember correctly, since i was extremely high on cocaine while doing everything in the past days), for supposedly sending a dildo to tuberculosisinmyballs’ address, and for being abusive and manipulative toward a former forum mod girl, while forcing her to do some brutal stuff. i also assume that my past blatant racism and hatred toward multiple groups worsened my image and made the decision to ban me easier.
defending my previous e‑friend darkeningstar after he harassed someone (i don’t have any idea what actually happened, i just jump into fights for fun when i’m high) and being racist toward another female moderator probably played a part in it too. some doxxings from the other websites (i.e. .org and others) are attributed to me as well, rightfully, since i was the one who did them.
what i’d like to say is that i apologize to everyone whose i hurt and, mostly, that i’m sorry. i’m now a diagnosed antisocial person, and the way i cope with everything is severe drug abuse, which brings out all the hatred and evil i have inside me.
i’m now doing a reverse doxxing, partly because i’m at a point of no return mentally, and barely anything could happen that would actually put my mind in a worse state than it has been in the past days (lost contact with all my family after a physical fight i had with my father in front of everyone), so if someone kills me or them it’d be a favor at this point, and i've received death threats recently too. i’m probably getting drafted soon, since they’re recruiting anyone who knows how to hold a gun at my age. so i’ll enjoy south america and maybe never come back to this shitty country that brings me nothing but wrath. my mental state is hell, so there’s no wonder my behavior has been what it is. i’m no longer involving myself in attacking people in online spaces. [redacted], 22, petersburg.
before i take a couple xans and go to bed, since it’s already morning, i apologize again and write this to whomever it may concern (i’ll post it in EVERY FORUM i'm active). i’ll still be on telegram as long as i’m alive / not drafted / conscious, so you can hit me up. sorry again. i was born in a way where it’s really a struggle to socialize with other human beings without causing trouble to both sides.
this is my face
(since i doxxed multiples peoples faces in the past)
@Dean @Randomized Shame
defending my previous e‑friend darkeningstar after he harassed someone (i don’t have any idea what actually happened, i just jump into fights for fun when i’m high) and being racist toward another female moderator probably played a part in it too. some doxxings from the other websites (i.e. .org and others) are attributed to me as well, rightfully, since i was the one who did them.
what i’d like to say is that i apologize to everyone whose i hurt and, mostly, that i’m sorry. i’m now a diagnosed antisocial person, and the way i cope with everything is severe drug abuse, which brings out all the hatred and evil i have inside me.
i’m now doing a reverse doxxing, partly because i’m at a point of no return mentally, and barely anything could happen that would actually put my mind in a worse state than it has been in the past days (lost contact with all my family after a physical fight i had with my father in front of everyone), so if someone kills me or them it’d be a favor at this point, and i've received death threats recently too. i’m probably getting drafted soon, since they’re recruiting anyone who knows how to hold a gun at my age. so i’ll enjoy south america and maybe never come back to this shitty country that brings me nothing but wrath. my mental state is hell, so there’s no wonder my behavior has been what it is. i’m no longer involving myself in attacking people in online spaces. [redacted], 22, petersburg.
before i take a couple xans and go to bed, since it’s already morning, i apologize again and write this to whomever it may concern (i’ll post it in EVERY FORUM i'm active). i’ll still be on telegram as long as i’m alive / not drafted / conscious, so you can hit me up. sorry again. i was born in a way where it’s really a struggle to socialize with other human beings without causing trouble to both sides.
this is my face
(since i doxxed multiples peoples faces in the past)
@Dean @Randomized Shame
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Wish you the best and hope you can get sober in the future
