My life

[johnvee84]

Gonna cover everything boyos, yes dear diary, gonna cover pros and cons of my life right now, in the future, and things that got worse. Gonna cover whats new in my life. Gonna cover my issues, insecurities, faults. Gonna be a bit of a ramble as well

My life is probably a 5/10 right now, for a lot of you boyos a life like mine would be straight up acceptable and you would probably rank it a 3/10, but here goes.

Pros:
No responsibilities
Enough money to manage my bills and expenses
All things considered, generally healthy
No major debt
If my life did turn around I essentially have a clean slate (no friends, no outstanding debt, no baggage from sloots, no serious health concerns)

Cons:
Serious cigarette addiction, if this doesn't change I might not live past 70
Morbidly obese
Health could be better if I quit smoking and lost weight
Hardly any money
No respect from people in my life

Some short term goals I have:
Lose lots of weight (thats about it)
Get paid for the DTC (should be almost 10k)
Looksmaxx
FInd activities to do outside my home

Long term goals:
Get my own apartment (might take 10 years)
Look into counseling and mental help for my issues
Acquire a partner
Get a casual job (like 10 hours a week)

Things that have gotten worse:
Shit income because I dont work anymore
Miserable shape because of how fat I am
Smoking more than ever
Have less respect from "friends" and family than ever before and I don't know why
Lost all my "friends"
My dating life has been nonexistent for a long time

So overall my life is about a 5/10, I prioritize living stress free and that means having no responsibilites and not wondering where the money is coming from to pay the bills.

Things that are new in my life right now:
Not very much, Using an online service to apply for the DTC because the original application from going to a clinic was rejected, good thing is I can apply infinite times as long as I keep paying a fee (which sucks).
I stopped going to my game store to play magic because the game has become shit and its just an extra expense, now I don't do anything outside my home
I stopped going to arm wrestling practice because I'm too out of shape to be competitive.
Been dieting pretty hard but I'm only losing like 5 lbs a month, which is still progress its just not as fast as I would like.

Thats pretty much it, mostly negative things that are new, my life has mostly went downhill a little in the past year or so.

My biggest issues and insecurities:

I also dread living on my own again, especially with not working because I will have little contact with the outside world and have no opportunties to make new friends, I plan to get back into arm wrestling and such when I do get on my own but I feel like a social r****d, others seem to naturally socialize with ease and I feel like a bundle of nerves and feel very self conscious when I talk to people, a lot of it is because my parents home schooled me for part of my school years so I missed out on growth that I should have had, my teachers when I went to school told my parents I was retarded, the solution my parents had anytime I had an issue in school was to pull me out so I didn't learn to deal with my issues I think.

I always dated down because I felt more "safe" if I pursued someone I had little interest in so if they rejected me I didn't care, I also did this because I wanted to skip formailities and niceties and get right to a serious relationship, these sloots that I got with always tried to take things to the next level as fast as possible and I wouldn't, my main reason for trudging on is because I have a subconscious belief that I will meet the right woman and everything will just fall into place and that hasn't happened yet, if I let go of that belief I feel I would have nothing to live for.

I lost all my friends in recent years so I have nobody to talk to IRL, the last friend I lost because I was picking on him and I think he felt I was unloading my problems on him so he just simply cut me off.

I could probably continue but I will just post this for now.

 

[nihilist]

Dnr

 

[johnvee84]

Dnr

I expect half the comments to say this.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

R u actoully bmi 50+ ?

 

[johnvee84]

R u actoully bmi 50+ ?

No, I'm just a hair over obese, losing another 10 lbs or so I will simply be overweight, small steps.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

No, I'm just a hair over obese, losing another 10 lbs or so I will simply be overweight, small steps.

Then it's not morbid my aunt is lktrally 5'4 and 650 lbs

 

[johnvee84]

Then it's not morbid my aunt is lktrally 5'4 and 650 lbs

I think that would be some kind of record.

Its actually you isnt it

 

[MyDreamisToBe183CM]

End

 

[Scenehikikomori]

I think that would be some kind of record.

Its actually you isnt it

I'm like 1/5th of that I'm 140 lbs

 

[johnvee84]

I'm like 1/5th of that I'm 140 lbs

Good, cuz being a fatty sucks.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

Good, cuz being a fatty sucks.

I am a fatty my body fat % is 25

 

[johnvee84]

I am a fatty my body fat % is 25

Thats not a lot for a female

 

[Scenehikikomori]

Thats not a lot for a female

Anything above the fitness range is fucking disgusting

 

[johnvee84]

Anything above the fitness range is fucking disgusting

For most people it takes a lot of work and discipline to maintain fitness level bf%

 

[Scenehikikomori]

For most people it takes a lot of work and discipline to maintain fitness level bf%

For me all I need to do is work out and ignore mental hunger

 

[johnvee84]

For me all I need to do is work out and ignore mental hunger

Thats pretty much it right there.

 

[Spuffy]

why dont u have a job anymore?

 

[johnvee84]

why dont u have a job anymore?

I'm considered disabled, schizophrenia. I get 962.00 a month now to live on.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

I'm considered disabled, schizophrenia. I get 962.00 a month now to live on.

Do you ever think someone is watching you and see black creatures around ur house just staring at you varying in how human like they are

 

[johnvee84]

Do you ever think someone is watching you and see black creatures around ur house just staring at you varying in how human like they are

No... Lol. I start having delusions that people are going to come after me and do something to me so I start hunting for ways to kill myself.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

No... Lol. I start having delusions that people are going to come after me and do something to me so I start hunting for ways to kill myself.

Damn I'm not shizo I'm bipolar 2 cuz I don't have delusions but my mom's convinced im shizo

 

[johnvee84]

Damn I'm not shizo I'm bipolar 2 cuz I don't have delusions but my mom's convinced im shizo

Maybe see the psychiatrist again.

I've known so many mentally ill people and they never take meds, I hope you take meds at least, people that dont take meds for their mental problems are intolerable, I lost all my friends in recent years and most of them just brought me down because of their insanity.

 

[Spuffy]

Maybe see the psychiatrist again.

I've known so many mentally ill people and they never take meds, I hope you take meds at least, people that dont take meds for their mental problems are intolerable, I lost all my friends in recent years and most of them just brought me down because of their insanity.

do you believe people with mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia must take meds? do you believe there are any other options?

 

[Scenehikikomori]

Maybe see the psychiatrist again.

I've known so many mentally ill people and they never take meds, I hope you take meds at least, people that dont take meds for their mental problems are intolerable, I lost all my friends in recent years and most of them just brought me down because of their insanity.

I take meds but I had a short episode recently

 

[johnvee84]

do you believe people with mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia must take meds? do you believe there are any other options?

If its preventing them from acting like a normal person yes, If its at the point where they have had a formal diagnosis then they probably need meds, because something relaeted to mental illness brought them to that point.

 

[johnvee84]

I take meds but I had a short episode recently

I had an episode over a year ago, nobody knew about it, it lasted for about a month.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

I had an episode over a year ago, nobody knew about it, it lasted for about a month.

Idk my longest episode but this one was 3 days and ig ppl could tell cuz my dad and sister kept asking if I was okay

 

[johnvee84]

Idk my longest episode but this one was 3 days and ig ppl could tell cuz my dad and sister kept asking if I was okay

You probably need to see a psychiatrist again, I do as well, like I was saying I still have episodes even on meds.

 

[Schizotypalcel]

Are u a virgin? i didn't read this but i will later on, i'm interested in this story.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

You probably need to see a psychiatrist again, I do as well, like I was saying I still have episodes even on meds.

I have an appointment scheduled I just can't remember when

 

[johnvee84]

Are u a virgin? i didn't read this but i will later on, i'm interested in this story.

LOL, I am definitely not... I'm not an incel either despite what some on here might say, I just got really fat in recent years and stopped dating.

 

[johnvee84]

I have an appointment scheduled I just can't remember when

Good thing you have parents, lol I have lots of appointments, I have to type them up in notepad on my PC.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

Good thing you have parents, lol I have lots of appointments, I have to type them up in notepad on my PC.

My parents don't know when my appointments are my therapist actually texts me when I forget to schedule my appointments and he'll remind me when they are

 

[johnvee84]

My parents don't know when my appointments are my therapist actually texts me when I forget to schedule my appointments and he'll remind me when they are

Things have changed since I was a kid, parents did everything back then, I forget that every kid has a cellphone now.

 

[slopslinger]

my first thought is despite your faults, at least you have the attention span for writing / self reflection, virtues that I lack and envy. very bleak that you're struggling this much at an age where expectations and responsibilities are so set in stone, it's easy to empathize with you.

if you're writing in hopes of hearing solutions or just venting, you already seem to know the utility of moral/financial inventory, the importance of discipline with how fleeting motivation is.

maybe its hopeless. im not really delivering the message if this feels cathartic to read. you don't have to invent the wheel you just have a very large hole to dig out of.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

Things have changed since I was a kid, parents did everything back then, I forget that every kid has a cellphone now.

I'm technically an adult so I should be doing it by myself I'm lotrally going to college cuz my airforce plans aren't valid anymore

 

[johnvee84]

I'm technically an adult so I should be doing it by myself I'm lotrally going to college cuz my airforce plans aren't valid anymore

I thought you were 15? You're kind of an adult when you're 16, the big thing you can do at 15 is get a job but thats about it.
I seen the thread about the airforce, almost everyone is mentally ill because of shit diet and shit lifestyle so you still have a chance I think.

 

[johnvee84]

my first thought is despite your faults, at least you have the attention span for writing / self reflection, virtues that I lack and envy. very bleak that you're struggling this much at an age where expectations and responsibilities are so set in stone, it's easy to empathize with you.

if you're writing in hopes of hearing solutions or just venting, you already seem to know the utility of moral/financial inventory, the importance of discipline with how fleeting motivation is.

maybe its hopeless. im not really delivering the message if this feels cathartic to read. you don't have to invent the wheel you just have a very large hole to dig out of.

I mostly made this post for another forum I post on but I posted it here just to try to be more active in all the forums I post in, its half venting/deardiary and half looking for insight and just people to talk to because I have no friends anymore.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

I thought you were 15? You're kind of an adult when you're 16, the big thing you can do at 15 is get a job but thats about it.
I seen the thread about the airforce, almost everyone is mentally ill because of shit diet and shit lifestyle so you still have a chance I think.

I'm 18 lol and it's definitely not my diet mental illness runs in my family

 

[johnvee84]

I'm 18 lol and it's definitely not my diet mental illness runs in my family

Just saying diet is often a culprit, mine is genetic too but I feel it would be largely diminished if I changed my lifestyle and diet.

 

[Scenehikikomori]

Just saying diet is often a culprit, mine is genetic too but I feel it would be largely diminished if I changed my lifestyle and diet.

Idk how it would be my diet I eat very little added sugars and processed food

 

[johnvee84]

Idk how it would be my diet I eat very little added sugars and processed food

It may not be, a lot of new age factors could influence it, I also blame my upbringing for my mental health as well, there are a lot of factors I blame for my shitty mental health.

 

[Wilk]

Gonna cover everything boyos, yes dear diary, gonna cover pros and cons of my life right now, in the future, and things that got worse. Gonna cover whats new in my life. Gonna cover my issues, insecurities, faults. Gonna be a bit of a ramble as well

My life is probably a 5/10 right now, for a lot of you boyos a life like mine would be straight up acceptable and you would probably rank it a 3/10, but here goes.

Pros:
No responsibilities
Enough money to manage my bills and expenses
All things considered, generally healthy
No major debt
If my life did turn around I essentially have a clean slate (no friends, no outstanding debt, no baggage from sloots, no serious health concerns)

Cons:
Serious cigarette addiction, if this doesn't change I might not live past 70
Morbidly obese
Health could be better if I quit smoking and lost weight
Hardly any money
No respect from people in my life

Some short term goals I have:
Lose lots of weight (thats about it)
Get paid for the DTC (should be almost 10k)
Looksmaxx
FInd activities to do outside my home

Long term goals:
Get my own apartment (might take 10 years)
Look into counseling and mental help for my issues
Acquire a partner
Get a casual job (like 10 hours a week)

Things that have gotten worse:
Shit income because I dont work anymore
Miserable shape because of how fat I am
Smoking more than ever
Have less respect from "friends" and family than ever before and I don't know why
Lost all my "friends"
My dating life has been nonexistent for a long time

So overall my life is about a 5/10, I prioritize living stress free and that means having no responsibilites and not wondering where the money is coming from to pay the bills.

Things that are new in my life right now:
Not very much, Using an online service to apply for the DTC because the original application from going to a clinic was rejected, good thing is I can apply infinite times as long as I keep paying a fee (which sucks).
I stopped going to my game store to play magic because the game has become shit and its just an extra expense, now I don't do anything outside my home
I stopped going to arm wrestling practice because I'm too out of shape to be competitive.
Been dieting pretty hard but I'm only losing like 5 lbs a month, which is still progress its just not as fast as I would like.

Thats pretty much it, mostly negative things that are new, my life has mostly went downhill a little in the past year or so.

My biggest issues and insecurities:

I also dread living on my own again, especially with not working because I will have little contact with the outside world and have no opportunties to make new friends, I plan to get back into arm wrestling and such when I do get on my own but I feel like a social r****d, others seem to naturally socialize with ease and I feel like a bundle of nerves and feel very self conscious when I talk to people, a lot of it is because my parents home schooled me for part of my school years so I missed out on growth that I should have had, my teachers when I went to school told my parents I was retarded, the solution my parents had anytime I had an issue in school was to pull me out so I didn't learn to deal with my issues I think.

I always dated down because I felt more "safe" if I pursued someone I had little interest in so if they rejected me I didn't care, I also did this because I wanted to skip formailities and niceties and get right to a serious relationship, these sloots that I got with always tried to take things to the next level as fast as possible and I wouldn't, my main reason for trudging on is because I have a subconscious belief that I will meet the right woman and everything will just fall into place and that hasn't happened yet, if I let go of that belief I feel I would have nothing to live for.

I lost all my friends in recent years so I have nobody to talk to IRL, the last friend I lost because I was picking on him and I think he felt I was unloading my problems on him so he just simply cut me off.

I could probably continue but I will just post this for now.

Brutal.

Life will feel much better after losing weight, good luck

 

[johnvee84]

Brutal.

Life will feel much better after losing weight, good luck

Yes, everything in my life was better when I wasn't severely overweight.

 

[TonyDr]

Gonna cover everything boyos, yes dear diary, gonna cover pros and cons of my life right now, in the future, and things that got worse. Gonna cover whats new in my life. Gonna cover my issues, insecurities, faults. Gonna be a bit of a ramble as well

My life is probably a 5/10 right now, for a lot of you boyos a life like mine would be straight up acceptable and you would probably rank it a 3/10, but here goes.

Pros:
No responsibilities
Enough money to manage my bills and expenses
All things considered, generally healthy
No major debt
If my life did turn around I essentially have a clean slate (no friends, no outstanding debt, no baggage from sloots, no serious health concerns)

Cons:
Serious cigarette addiction, if this doesn't change I might not live past 70
Morbidly obese
Health could be better if I quit smoking and lost weight
Hardly any money
No respect from people in my life

Some short term goals I have:
Lose lots of weight (thats about it)
Get paid for the DTC (should be almost 10k)
Looksmaxx
FInd activities to do outside my home

Long term goals:
Get my own apartment (might take 10 years)
Look into counseling and mental help for my issues
Acquire a partner
Get a casual job (like 10 hours a week)

Things that have gotten worse:
Shit income because I dont work anymore
Miserable shape because of how fat I am
Smoking more than ever
Have less respect from "friends" and family than ever before and I don't know why
Lost all my "friends"
My dating life has been nonexistent for a long time

So overall my life is about a 5/10, I prioritize living stress free and that means having no responsibilites and not wondering where the money is coming from to pay the bills.

Things that are new in my life right now:
Not very much, Using an online service to apply for the DTC because the original application from going to a clinic was rejected, good thing is I can apply infinite times as long as I keep paying a fee (which sucks).
I stopped going to my game store to play magic because the game has become shit and its just an extra expense, now I don't do anything outside my home
I stopped going to arm wrestling practice because I'm too out of shape to be competitive.
Been dieting pretty hard but I'm only losing like 5 lbs a month, which is still progress its just not as fast as I would like.

Thats pretty much it, mostly negative things that are new, my life has mostly went downhill a little in the past year or so.

My biggest issues and insecurities:

I also dread living on my own again, especially with not working because I will have little contact with the outside world and have no opportunties to make new friends, I plan to get back into arm wrestling and such when I do get on my own but I feel like a social r****d, others seem to naturally socialize with ease and I feel like a bundle of nerves and feel very self conscious when I talk to people, a lot of it is because my parents home schooled me for part of my school years so I missed out on growth that I should have had, my teachers when I went to school told my parents I was retarded, the solution my parents had anytime I had an issue in school was to pull me out so I didn't learn to deal with my issues I think.

I always dated down because I felt more "safe" if I pursued someone I had little interest in so if they rejected me I didn't care, I also did this because I wanted to skip formailities and niceties and get right to a serious relationship, these sloots that I got with always tried to take things to the next level as fast as possible and I wouldn't, my main reason for trudging on is because I have a subconscious belief that I will meet the right woman and everything will just fall into place and that hasn't happened yet, if I let go of that belief I feel I would have nothing to live for.

I lost all my friends in recent years so I have nobody to talk to IRL, the last friend I lost because I was picking on him and I think he felt I was unloading my problems on him so he just simply cut me off.

I could probably continue but I will just post this for now.

At your age, you haven't planned to hop on fin or TRT to improves your looksmaxx journey ? Or any weight loss drugs

 

[johnvee84]

At your age, you haven't planned to hop on fin or TRT to improves your looksmaxx journey ? Or any weight loss drugs

I tried fin but I had too many sides, I'm a poorcel so hair transplant s out of the question, if I have to I'll just go bald.

 

[TonyDr]

I tried fin but I had too many sides, I'm a poorcel so hair transplant s out of the question, if I have to I'll just go bald.

What was the dosage daily ?

 

[johnvee84]

What was the dosage daily ?

Fuck I dont remember, I remember when I checked online it was standard max dosage, so nothing too high, I just dont remember the dose.

The side I got was being unable to ejaculate, frustrating as fuck.

 

[TonyDr]

Fuck I dont remember, I remember when I checked online it was standard max dosage, so nothing too high, I just dont remember the dose.

The side I got was being unable to ejaculate, frustrating as fuck.

Next time try the low dosage, 0.5mg instead of 5mg, or go for the topical low dose

 

[johnvee84]

Next time try the low dosage, 0.5mg instead of 5mg, or go for the topical low dose

Not sure there will be a next time, doc said side effects may not go away after stopping, got me scared I would never have a real orgasm again but it seems to have corrected itself.