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Just a boring apology, to those i offended:
I'm sure it was obvious. I'm not mentally stable. It's 2 AM on a Friday and I'm having yet another moment of clarity. First, I want to genuinely apologize to anyone I’ve offended on here. My behavior has been extremely cringeworthy and inappropriate.Having a loud mouth, being rude, flirting with adult men, bullying others, using slurs, and insulting older women who only want the best for me—especially with misogynistic language—is unacceptable. I'm deeply sorry for all of it. I was acting completely unhinged, and it's honestly sickening to reflect on.
I lie excessively online. I tease people when I shouldn’t. I reject help that I clearly need. Casablanco was right. My home life is severely dysfunctional. There’s no hiding that.I was conceived through sexual assault, and I come from a family marked by instability. Just today, I saw my 21-year-old brother scream in my sister’s face, hit himself, then shove me. All because he lost his speaker. I am not safe at home.
We are low-income. The fact that I pretended to come from wealth is embarrassing and dishonest. My mother hits me. Two nights ago, I had my feet on the couch while watching TV. She exploded. She called me dirty, accused me of sleeping with adult men, threw her phone at my head, and came at me with her walking stick. She has always been like this, even before her disability. I can’t yell back. I can’t defend myself. So I hit myself. I punch until my face feels tender because I don’t know what else to do. My sister is a drug addict. Talking to her feels like talking to a brick wall. As for my father, I don’t have one. I lied about that too. I said things like “Daddy will pay for all my hardmaxxes,” but the truth is he lives in France, is married, and was abusive before I was even born. I don’t know him.
Lately I dissociate constantly. I have moments where I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel numb. I’m 15. I’m overwhelmed. And I’m scared. Scared of ending up like my mother or my siblings. Scared of losing myself completely. I need to stop acting like I’m better than others. I’m not. And the people who called me out weren’t wrong. I needed that.
I just want control over my life. I want to be beautiful. I want to feel beautiful. I want to have a clear, calm mind. I'm tired of being someone I can’t respect. That version of me ends today.I came here to grow and improve my life . I’m no better than anyone else. Once again, I’m sorry. And thank you to the people who called me out when I needed it.
I am still a child, and it’s time I started acting like one. I need to stfu at times and just stay in a child's place.
- Tulip (Nonchalan.t)
I'm sure it was obvious. I'm not mentally stable. It's 2 AM on a Friday and I'm having yet another moment of clarity. First, I want to genuinely apologize to anyone I’ve offended on here. My behavior has been extremely cringeworthy and inappropriate.Having a loud mouth, being rude, flirting with adult men, bullying others, using slurs, and insulting older women who only want the best for me—especially with misogynistic language—is unacceptable. I'm deeply sorry for all of it. I was acting completely unhinged, and it's honestly sickening to reflect on.
I lie excessively online. I tease people when I shouldn’t. I reject help that I clearly need. Casablanco was right. My home life is severely dysfunctional. There’s no hiding that.I was conceived through sexual assault, and I come from a family marked by instability. Just today, I saw my 21-year-old brother scream in my sister’s face, hit himself, then shove me. All because he lost his speaker. I am not safe at home.
We are low-income. The fact that I pretended to come from wealth is embarrassing and dishonest. My mother hits me. Two nights ago, I had my feet on the couch while watching TV. She exploded. She called me dirty, accused me of sleeping with adult men, threw her phone at my head, and came at me with her walking stick. She has always been like this, even before her disability. I can’t yell back. I can’t defend myself. So I hit myself. I punch until my face feels tender because I don’t know what else to do. My sister is a drug addict. Talking to her feels like talking to a brick wall. As for my father, I don’t have one. I lied about that too. I said things like “Daddy will pay for all my hardmaxxes,” but the truth is he lives in France, is married, and was abusive before I was even born. I don’t know him.
Lately I dissociate constantly. I have moments where I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel numb. I’m 15. I’m overwhelmed. And I’m scared. Scared of ending up like my mother or my siblings. Scared of losing myself completely. I need to stop acting like I’m better than others. I’m not. And the people who called me out weren’t wrong. I needed that.
I just want control over my life. I want to be beautiful. I want to feel beautiful. I want to have a clear, calm mind. I'm tired of being someone I can’t respect. That version of me ends today.I came here to grow and improve my life . I’m no better than anyone else. Once again, I’m sorry. And thank you to the people who called me out when I needed it.
I am still a child, and it’s time I started acting like one. I need to stfu at times and just stay in a child's place.
- Tulip (Nonchalan.t)
