Deleted Member 61421
My heart goes out to certain individuals, bye
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I rarely take people IRL seriously, not visibly like in an arrogant way, but existential. When interacting, it is like they are dead already, their ego’s that are visible will be dead too, they will be dead one day and no longer be themselves.
It gives a sense of freedom but also it is quite funny in the background of my mind. The way I avoid not totally giving up (as the same principle is applied to me) is by knowing I am as free as possible in the living memory and that the awareness of my state is a grant to be such a way. Sometimes when I feel too much, I can abruptly stop, my ego is always being checked by myself as I am a part of this, and if I had displays of grandiosity it is not because of arrogance, but because I am choosing to, and that there I will be dead one day, like an interactive memory, it gives freedom.
I do not know if it is tied to experiences, but this is how I thought of most people. I do not know if it interferes with my connection to people either, as I have never felt really close to anyone (only one-sided, they receive the closeness) or even truly engaged with what they are saying (mainly IRL) I have an invisible disconnection and it can’t be fixed. As I’ve grown older it becomes more prevalent.
Contrary, people who I end up interacting with see me as extremely charismatic, describing me as charming or fun, laid-back also even though I’m subtly tense at all times, I have never understood what they meant at all, as most times I try to downplay my own personality on-top of it.
The importance also is to resist thinking about it in a sadistic way, you will eventually become a bad person, who disregards the needs of others, that is the exact opposite of what I’d like to be. I like to care, have initiative, and uplift saddened people I may resonate with or not even, it feels true as I don’t really gain an ego from it, or feel a sense of transaction, I just do it out if will, which makes me feel as if it is a truly established part of me in a grounding way.
It gives a sense of freedom but also it is quite funny in the background of my mind. The way I avoid not totally giving up (as the same principle is applied to me) is by knowing I am as free as possible in the living memory and that the awareness of my state is a grant to be such a way. Sometimes when I feel too much, I can abruptly stop, my ego is always being checked by myself as I am a part of this, and if I had displays of grandiosity it is not because of arrogance, but because I am choosing to, and that there I will be dead one day, like an interactive memory, it gives freedom.
I do not know if it is tied to experiences, but this is how I thought of most people. I do not know if it interferes with my connection to people either, as I have never felt really close to anyone (only one-sided, they receive the closeness) or even truly engaged with what they are saying (mainly IRL) I have an invisible disconnection and it can’t be fixed. As I’ve grown older it becomes more prevalent.
Contrary, people who I end up interacting with see me as extremely charismatic, describing me as charming or fun, laid-back also even though I’m subtly tense at all times, I have never understood what they meant at all, as most times I try to downplay my own personality on-top of it.
The importance also is to resist thinking about it in a sadistic way, you will eventually become a bad person, who disregards the needs of others, that is the exact opposite of what I’d like to be. I like to care, have initiative, and uplift saddened people I may resonate with or not even, it feels true as I don’t really gain an ego from it, or feel a sense of transaction, I just do it out if will, which makes me feel as if it is a truly established part of me in a grounding way.
