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Based on: What do you guys struggle with?
Thread Music:
You can fix your face, your body, your style and still feel like absolute shit.
I’ve seen it over and over on forums. they glow up, get attention, and somehow still feel inferior, still overthink every interaction, still get obsessed with one girl or guy and spiral when she takes 2 hours to reply. It’s like nothing actually changed.
nobody rlly explains that properly.
Looks help, obviously. But personality is what determines whether your life actually improves or you just become a better-looking version of the same anxious, overthinking incel.
This thread is about fixing that. Not “just be confident bro” stuff that acc work if you stick with it.
I get the whole blackpill / looksmaxxing mindset. I’ve been on these forums long enough. You start noticing patterns, you compare yourself, you realize looks matter more than people say and yea it messes with your head.
A lot of what you’re dealing with isn’t actually your looks. It’s how your brain learned to interpret things.
You can go from a 4 to a 7 and still:
feel like you’re not enough
get nervous in conversations
overinvest in people
think everyone secretly dislikes you
I’ve lit seen it happen.
If ur personality is bad, it drags everything down. If it’s solid, even average looks start working way better than you’d expect. And no, this isn’t some “looks don’t matter” cope. They do. But personality is what decides if those looks actually translate into anything real. If you don’t fix this part, you’ll always feel like something’s off. Like you’re faking it. Like you’re one mistake away from people seeing the “real you.”
A lot of what you’re dealing with isn’t actually your looks. It’s how your brain learned to interpret things.
You can go from a 4 to a 7 and still:
feel like you’re not enough
get nervous in conversations
overinvest in people
think everyone secretly dislikes you
I’ve lit seen it happen.
If ur personality is bad, it drags everything down. If it’s solid, even average looks start working way better than you’d expect. And no, this isn’t some “looks don’t matter” cope. They do. But personality is what decides if those looks actually translate into anything real. If you don’t fix this part, you’ll always feel like something’s off. Like you’re faking it. Like you’re one mistake away from people seeing the “real you.”
I read through that thread and honestly it’s the same patterns I’ve seen for years.
When someone says “i fucking hate myself” or “inferiority complex and low self esteem,” that’s not just a bad mood like that’s a full identity built around being less than other people. You’re not just thinking it you also believe it.
And once that’s your baseline, everything gets filtered through it man. Someone doesn’t reply? “They don’t like me.” Someone looks away? “I’m awkward.” It just reinforces itself and u dont even realize it.
Then you’ve got the clinginess stuff. “i am clingy,” “if i like someone im obsessed,” “constantly thinking people are gonna abandon me.” anxious attachment. Basically your brain learned that connection isn’t stable, so you overcorrect. You get attached fast, you overthink everything, and you feel like you’re always about to lose the person NGL it is exhausting.
The overtalking thing is another big one. “I talk waaaaaay too much,” “I get nervous when it’s silent,” “I just act all the time.” that’s lit anxiety. You’re filling space because silence feels weird. You think if you stop talking, people will judge you or lose interest, so you perform all the time.
Then there’s the “I don’t have friends, it’s easier” but also “I’d still rather be included.” That one hits because it’s real and i also experienced it firsthand. You avoid people because it drains you, but you still want connection. The problem is you’ve been socializing in a fake, forced way for so long that it feels like work instead of something natural.
Maladaptive daydreaming, overthinking, zoning out that’s basically your brain escaping reality because reality feels either stressful or boring and yeah, the alcohol a lot of ppl don’t even see it as a problem because it “helps.” Of course it helps. That’s why it becomes a problem. It lowers anxiety short-term, but long-term it makes everything worse
At the core, all of this comes down to a few things:
your self-image is messed up
you avoid discomfort
you rely on external validation way too much
Fix those, everything else starts becoming better i promise.
When someone says “i fucking hate myself” or “inferiority complex and low self esteem,” that’s not just a bad mood like that’s a full identity built around being less than other people. You’re not just thinking it you also believe it.
And once that’s your baseline, everything gets filtered through it man. Someone doesn’t reply? “They don’t like me.” Someone looks away? “I’m awkward.” It just reinforces itself and u dont even realize it.
Then you’ve got the clinginess stuff. “i am clingy,” “if i like someone im obsessed,” “constantly thinking people are gonna abandon me.” anxious attachment. Basically your brain learned that connection isn’t stable, so you overcorrect. You get attached fast, you overthink everything, and you feel like you’re always about to lose the person NGL it is exhausting.
The overtalking thing is another big one. “I talk waaaaaay too much,” “I get nervous when it’s silent,” “I just act all the time.” that’s lit anxiety. You’re filling space because silence feels weird. You think if you stop talking, people will judge you or lose interest, so you perform all the time.
Then there’s the “I don’t have friends, it’s easier” but also “I’d still rather be included.” That one hits because it’s real and i also experienced it firsthand. You avoid people because it drains you, but you still want connection. The problem is you’ve been socializing in a fake, forced way for so long that it feels like work instead of something natural.
Maladaptive daydreaming, overthinking, zoning out that’s basically your brain escaping reality because reality feels either stressful or boring and yeah, the alcohol a lot of ppl don’t even see it as a problem because it “helps.” Of course it helps. That’s why it becomes a problem. It lowers anxiety short-term, but long-term it makes everything worse
At the core, all of this comes down to a few things:
your self-image is messed up
you avoid discomfort
you rely on external validation way too much
Fix those, everything else starts becoming better i promise.
this isn’t a 1-week fix. If it was, everyone would’ve done it already. you need time. Around 90 days is realistic if you actually stick to it.
First phase is the foundation, like the first 2–3 weeks. This is where you fix your baseline. Your sleep can’t be trash, your diet can’t be all over the place, and you can’t be frying your brain with constant scrolling and stimulation (dopamine). If your baseline is bad, everything else is harder.
At the same time, you start catching your thoughts. Every time you think something like “I’m not enough” or “they don’t like me,” you write it down and replace it with something more realistic. Not fake positivity. Just something that isn’t self-destructive. a method i found to work really well is to put a rubber band around your wrist and whenever u start thinking bad thoughts just sting yourself.
Then comes exposure, weeks 4–6. This is where it gets uncomfortable. You actually start talking to people more. Doesn’t have to be crazy. Just consistent. You stop avoiding situations. You let silence happen without panicking. You get used to being slightly uncomfortable.
Weeks 7–10 is where things start changing internally. You stop overexplaining. You stop trying to impress everyone. You start saying what you actually think, even if it’s simple. You realize most people aren’t analyzing you like you think they are.
Last phase is maintenance. You just keep doing it until it feels normal. That’s when you know it’s working.
First phase is the foundation, like the first 2–3 weeks. This is where you fix your baseline. Your sleep can’t be trash, your diet can’t be all over the place, and you can’t be frying your brain with constant scrolling and stimulation (dopamine). If your baseline is bad, everything else is harder.
At the same time, you start catching your thoughts. Every time you think something like “I’m not enough” or “they don’t like me,” you write it down and replace it with something more realistic. Not fake positivity. Just something that isn’t self-destructive. a method i found to work really well is to put a rubber band around your wrist and whenever u start thinking bad thoughts just sting yourself.
Then comes exposure, weeks 4–6. This is where it gets uncomfortable. You actually start talking to people more. Doesn’t have to be crazy. Just consistent. You stop avoiding situations. You let silence happen without panicking. You get used to being slightly uncomfortable.
Weeks 7–10 is where things start changing internally. You stop overexplaining. You stop trying to impress everyone. You start saying what you actually think, even if it’s simple. You realize most people aren’t analyzing you like you think they are.
Last phase is maintenance. You just keep doing it until it feels normal. That’s when you know it’s working.
ok this is where it gets more specific.
Self-hate is probably the hardest one. You don’t just “stop” hating yourself. You replace the pattern. One thing that helped me was forcing myself to track small wins daily. Sounds dumb, but your brain literally ignores positives if you don’t make it notice them. Training helps too, not just for looks but because it proves you can change something about yourself.
There’s also some less obvious stuff. Cold showers or cold exposure actually increase dopamine over time. It’s not just a trend thing, it genuinely helps with mood and stress tolerance. Same with supplements like rhodiola or saffron. They’re not magic, but they take the edge off.
For clinginess, you need to build independence. That means not replying instantly every time, not structuring your whole day around one person, and being okay with space. One exercise that works is literally asking yourself “if they leave, what happens?” and forcing yourself to answer it realistically. You realize you’ll be fine, just uncomfortable for a bit.
Social anxiety and overtalking is mostly about learning to tolerate silence. That’s it. Sit in it. Don’t fill it instantly. Speak a bit slower. Say less. It feels weird at first, but it makes you come off way more composed.
There’s also a breathing thing called 7/11 breathing. You inhale for 7 seconds, exhale for 11. It calms you fast.
For the more extreme cases, yeah, there are medications stuff like propranolol can help with performance anxiety, and things like SSRIs or even more advanced treatments exist if it’s severe. (consult a doctor im not a doctor)
Maladaptive daydreaming is basically your brain choosing fantasy over reality. You don’t fix it by “stopping,” you fix it by making real life more engaging. Gym, social interaction, even just being busier helps.
if you’re using alcohol to feel normal, you already know it’s a problem. Replacing it with healthier ways to deal with stress is the only long-term fix.
Self-hate is probably the hardest one. You don’t just “stop” hating yourself. You replace the pattern. One thing that helped me was forcing myself to track small wins daily. Sounds dumb, but your brain literally ignores positives if you don’t make it notice them. Training helps too, not just for looks but because it proves you can change something about yourself.
There’s also some less obvious stuff. Cold showers or cold exposure actually increase dopamine over time. It’s not just a trend thing, it genuinely helps with mood and stress tolerance. Same with supplements like rhodiola or saffron. They’re not magic, but they take the edge off.
For clinginess, you need to build independence. That means not replying instantly every time, not structuring your whole day around one person, and being okay with space. One exercise that works is literally asking yourself “if they leave, what happens?” and forcing yourself to answer it realistically. You realize you’ll be fine, just uncomfortable for a bit.
Social anxiety and overtalking is mostly about learning to tolerate silence. That’s it. Sit in it. Don’t fill it instantly. Speak a bit slower. Say less. It feels weird at first, but it makes you come off way more composed.
There’s also a breathing thing called 7/11 breathing. You inhale for 7 seconds, exhale for 11. It calms you fast.
For the more extreme cases, yeah, there are medications stuff like propranolol can help with performance anxiety, and things like SSRIs or even more advanced treatments exist if it’s severe. (consult a doctor im not a doctor)
Maladaptive daydreaming is basically your brain choosing fantasy over reality. You don’t fix it by “stopping,” you fix it by making real life more engaging. Gym, social interaction, even just being busier helps.
if you’re using alcohol to feel normal, you already know it’s a problem. Replacing it with healthier ways to deal with stress is the only long-term fix.
Some of the best stuff isn’t even talked about that much.
Behavioral activation is one of them. It basically means you act first, then motivation follows. You don’t wait to feel like doing something. You just do it. Over time your brain catches up.
There’s also the physiological sigh. It’s like a double inhale followed by a slow exhale. It instantly calms you down. I use it before talking to people sometimes.
Even things like walking outside regularly or being around animals can help more than you’d expect. Sounds random but it works on your nervous system.
Music can also be used intentionally. Not just background noise, but actually controlling your mood with it.
Behavioral activation is one of them. It basically means you act first, then motivation follows. You don’t wait to feel like doing something. You just do it. Over time your brain catches up.
There’s also the physiological sigh. It’s like a double inhale followed by a slow exhale. It instantly calms you down. I use it before talking to people sometimes.
Even things like walking outside regularly or being around animals can help more than you’d expect. Sounds random but it works on your nervous system.
Music can also be used intentionally. Not just background noise, but actually controlling your mood with it.
This part isn’t exciting but it matters a lot.
If your sleep is bad, everything feels worse. Your anxiety goes up, your mood drops, your confidence tanks. Fixing sleep alone can make a noticeable difference.
Nutrition too. Omega-3, magnesium, B vitamins they all play a role in how your brain functions. You don’t need to overcomplicate it, just don’t eat like slop all the time.
Exercise is huge for your mind. It stabilizes you and makes everything easier
For daydreaming, you need to reduce idle time but also not overload yourself with constant stimulation
If your sleep is bad, everything feels worse. Your anxiety goes up, your mood drops, your confidence tanks. Fixing sleep alone can make a noticeable difference.
Nutrition too. Omega-3, magnesium, B vitamins they all play a role in how your brain functions. You don’t need to overcomplicate it, just don’t eat like slop all the time.
Exercise is huge for your mind. It stabilizes you and makes everything easier
For daydreaming, you need to reduce idle time but also not overload yourself with constant stimulation
If you don’t track anything, you’ll feel like nothing’s changing even when it is.
Just write a few things daily. What you avoided, what you did better, what felt different.
Forums can help, but don’t get dependent on them. Use them for accountability, not validation.
If things get really bad, like you’re isolating completely or relying heavily on substances, that’s when you should actually consider getting professional help. No shame in that.
Just write a few things daily. What you avoided, what you did better, what felt different.
Forums can help, but don’t get dependent on them. Use them for accountability, not validation.
If things get really bad, like you’re isolating completely or relying heavily on substances, that’s when you should actually consider getting professional help. No shame in that.
Don’t try to diagnose yourself.
Supplements are fine, but anything stronger should be discussed with a professional. Meds can help, but they’re not a fix on their own.
Supplements are fine, but anything stronger should be discussed with a professional. Meds can help, but they’re not a fix on their own.
hope this helps
