rant

[ameliaisbasd]

i miss my mom, i miss getting drunk every night with my brother, i miss my big bedroom with my own shower and big closet, i miss my pc, i miss my friends living close
i wish i didnt be so stupid as to fall for my dads tricks, he did the same to me as he did my mother, baiting me into fighting back for once only to use it as a example of my insanity
i wish i didnt get arrested and disowned
im now stuck out hours into the country, far from the thing i finally accepted and tried to reach for, people.
i hate that i an atheist am stuck in my step grandmothers old religious psychosis room
i sleep rot and weep in a bright turqoise room filled with jesus mementos
the only thing good i get out of this hell is night, at night i binge listen to decalius, crawl out of the tiny window just above the old shrine, and i get the privledge to sit on a high up roof and see the stars
ive always hated the country but beared through it for the stars, i love stars
my grandpas home overlooks woods and a big lake, and after giving up all my belongings and those i love i atleast get the peace of music, ciggaretes, and a view i would have killed for as a kid
i miss what i had so much but atleast ive been granted the simplicity of something so pretty
maybe if i push hard enough and hurt myself lots ill get old enough to have things back i miss
but i think im happier sticking to my plan of biding my time until i kill myself
with my illness' and beleifs im set to die soon before even 25
atleast i can wait out my demise in such a lovely place

 

[limo8]

sorry to hear hoping you will find something to live for

 

[ameliaisbasd]

sorry to hear hoping you will find something to live for

thank you but i beleive its more settling to accept it then to fight it

 

[limo8]

thank you but i beleive its more settling to accept it then to fight it

but you know there nothing after death right?

 

[ameliaisbasd]

sorry to hear hoping you will find something to live for

death can only be a bad thing if you allow yourself to fear it
death comes for us all eventually, and though it comes for some sooner than others
its still the only end
acceptance is bliss

 

[over0]

You can always create purpose

 

[limo8]

death can only be a bad thing if you allow yourself to fear it
death comes for us all eventually, and though it comes for some sooner than others
its still the only end
acceptance is bliss

nope not really only if you living your life to the fullest not ending it sooner your value of life kinda bad ngl

 

[ameliaisbasd]

You can always create purpose

i have a seperate recent thread on this actually
manmade purpose isnt a true meaning is it? oxford defines purpose as what something is made for
if you have to create a meaning then it isnt purpose

 

[perc40]

decalius is ahh

 

[perc40]

i have a seperate recent thread on this actually
manmade purpose isnt a true meaning is it? oxford defines purpose as what something is made for
if you have to create a meaning then it isnt purpose

boi u might aswell just do this and cope, theres nothing else u can do
its okay to cope

 

[over0]

i have a seperate recent thread on this actually
manmade purpose isnt a true meaning is it? oxford defines purpose as what something is made for
if you have to create a meaning then it isnt purpose

There's no inherent purpose to life anyways but that's not to say no life is worth living is it?

 

[ameliaisbasd]

nope not really only if you living your life to the fullest not ending it sooner your value of life kinda bad ngl

with all my life has been id like to consider this my fullest
its not like i plan to end myself soon
i just know itll come eventually and alot sooner than most

 

[ameliaisbasd]

There's no inherent purpose to life anyways but that's not to say no life is worth living is it?

of course life is worth living
but its really just biding your time till death
your in a waiting room flipping at magazines

 

[ameliaisbasd]

boi u might aswell just do this and cope, theres nothing else u can do
its okay to cope

cope is okay
just not for me

 

[limo8]

with all my life has been id like to consider this my fullest
its not like i plan to end myself soon
i just know itll come eventually and alot sooner than most

sounds sad try your best not to ig i cant really change your mind cus i never felt what you felt but try to keep living even if its hurts or boring or why bother still its much better than death cus there no another chance after that no after life no peace or something just nothing you stop existing i get why you could think its better than what you expirience rn but life worth living if you can find your cause

 

[ameliaisbasd]

sounds sad try your best not to ig i cant really change your mind cus i never felt what you felt but try to keep living even if its hurts or boring or why bother still its much better than death cus there no another chance after that no after life no peace or something just nothing you stop existing i get why you could think its better than what you expirience rn but life worth living if you can find your cause

trying to manifest a cause is cope

 

[limo8]

trying to manifest a cause is cope

yea bruh ik