Sick of my stupid life

[Saint cloUder]

Every day for the last 2 years (really 4) but 2 especially, I have never had a time where I'm not suffering. I'm so sick of it I'm not even just saying this I'm on the verge of going insane at this point. I've tried to be hopeful but at this point I'm done wasting my time being delusional as if things will ever get better. This is stupid. I even try to change in the best way I can since last November and in 6 months my life is still the same pit of misery as it has been ever since Q3 2022. I wish I had amnesia and forgot all the terrible things that happened between July 2022 - November 2023. "But keep up hope" I've tried to, but NOTHING has improved. At this point suicide doesn't seem like a awful idea. I'm not sure where I'll even be in 2 months.

 

[Deleted Member 60441]

Bump

 

[Deleted Member 60441]

don't you have any hobbies, even silly ones, to distract you?
Go for a bike ride, things like that

 

[geneticCage]

Suicide is an option, but a bad one
You have any dreams or something?
Personally I wouldn't want to go away from this world without a blow
Also, if you would specify what exactly suffering means it would be helpful

 

[Saint cloUder]

don't you have any hobbies, even silly ones, to distract you?
Go for a bike ride, things like that

I don't even know how to ride a bike without training wheels

 

[Deleted Member 60441]

I don't even know how to ride a bike without training wheels

You can learn

 

[Randomized]

I felt similarly around your age. The thoughts got so bad that I sincerely didn't know what to do besides to kill myself.

This is not a solution for everyone, but have you tried looking into medicine?

I did everything I knew to do. I did workbooks, journaled, affirmations, therapy, exercise, tried to improve my relationships, got into new hobbies/interests, I focused on improving myself, etc, and a million other things. I felt so stuck and lost. I was getting frustrated because I was thinking "Am I just a lost cause? All of these things helps others, why is it not helping me?" and so on. It's easy to give up on yourself. For me, medicine did not make my life any better, the suffering I went through still existed, but it made it easier for me. And that's all I needed. I just needed a moment to breathe. I think sometimes our brains just misfire or our environment / trauma is just too much that chemically it feels impossible to make that change by ourselves.

Medicine sincerely saved my life. It's not a magic pill, but it was the only second chance I got at the time. If you are on something, look into getting it changed, or if you're on nothing, you should look up some information and see how you feel about it. I told my doctor what pill I wanted because I was too paranoid to let them pick for me. You could do something similar if you're scared about the medicine.