It's 5 am rn and I have minus braincells but I feel like I have to get this off my chest cause I cant fall asleep
So I met this guy 2 years ago and really fell for him like he was lit perfect in every way and super handsome but then one day he started posting abt his relationship w some sub5 girl so I stopped thinking about him I was heartbroken of course but he did not even know of my existence we were just moots on ig
Then I found another guy (that is still my boyfriend to this day) and I became his gf cause I didnt ever think I might have the chance to find another boy that actually likes me cause Im mid (I feel like lmtb-mmtb by what most told me). And no I never found him attractive romantically, but he is a nice guy so why not
Then suddenly my old crush texted me
And we started flirting somewhat
Of course he didnt know I had a bf and my bf also didnt know of his existence (he did find out later on)
We became somewhat really "good friends", we used to talk on the phone for like 6 hours a day without my bf knowing and I was falling for him even harder and he would be the thing I would think about 24/7 and I'd even dream about him in my sleep
I could feel the romantic tension between us, and I knew that he was falling for me too
He tried not to do that
Why you may ask?
The big problem is that I was like 15 and he was like 19 in his last year of hs going off to college while I was barely a freshman.
Not only was it perceived as wrong by other people but I live in a small town with no college so him going to college would've made the relationship difficult as we would be forced to be hours away for 4 years
We were still talking 3 months later.
But then suddenly he gets a girlfriend. It felt like everything fell apart, all of my dreams and hopes. I blocked him immediately because I was so heartbroken.
The worst thing is that he told me he would prefer a girl that's only 1 year younger than him, yet his new gf is like 3..his gf aint that bad tho shes like a hmtb-lhtb
Oh and funny thing I have to see her every day on the hallways cuz were in the same hs..
2 years later and surprisingly theyre still together and they post each other which hurts seeing, theyre so happy together and im not even into my partner at all. Like he is ok he treats me alright and were in a healthy relationship and all but he isnt attractive to me
So whats really the point if my dream guy is another's?
I also got triggered a few weeks ago because this guy literally followed me again on insta at like 3 am and a few seconds later he deleted it?? I dont know if he did it on purpose or because he was stalking me but it felt good thinking that maybe he thought of me for at least a few seconds
And despite it being long ago I still think about the situation every day and I wonder why not me
And yes if he came back I'd probably break up with my actual bf and run to him instead
Sadly I deleted his phone number so there isnt really a way to reach him myself
Which I wouldnt have done anyway
Maybe if I was older it wouldve worked.
But what if I looked different? Maybe its truly all because of looks after all
I dont even know what to do I dont want another guy I want him and Id change myself entirely to find a way to be with him
Maybe after I turn 18 next year he'll reach out to me
And yes I know I am a pos to my bf and Im a horrible person, but Id rather be that than both heartbroken and alone
And since my bf is on this forum, sorry if u find ts
So I met this guy 2 years ago and really fell for him like he was lit perfect in every way and super handsome but then one day he started posting abt his relationship w some sub5 girl so I stopped thinking about him I was heartbroken of course but he did not even know of my existence we were just moots on ig
Then I found another guy (that is still my boyfriend to this day) and I became his gf cause I didnt ever think I might have the chance to find another boy that actually likes me cause Im mid (I feel like lmtb-mmtb by what most told me). And no I never found him attractive romantically, but he is a nice guy so why not
Then suddenly my old crush texted me
And we started flirting somewhat
Of course he didnt know I had a bf and my bf also didnt know of his existence (he did find out later on)
We became somewhat really "good friends", we used to talk on the phone for like 6 hours a day without my bf knowing and I was falling for him even harder and he would be the thing I would think about 24/7 and I'd even dream about him in my sleep
I could feel the romantic tension between us, and I knew that he was falling for me too
He tried not to do that
Why you may ask?
The big problem is that I was like 15 and he was like 19 in his last year of hs going off to college while I was barely a freshman.
Not only was it perceived as wrong by other people but I live in a small town with no college so him going to college would've made the relationship difficult as we would be forced to be hours away for 4 years
We were still talking 3 months later.
But then suddenly he gets a girlfriend. It felt like everything fell apart, all of my dreams and hopes. I blocked him immediately because I was so heartbroken.
The worst thing is that he told me he would prefer a girl that's only 1 year younger than him, yet his new gf is like 3..his gf aint that bad tho shes like a hmtb-lhtb
Oh and funny thing I have to see her every day on the hallways cuz were in the same hs..
2 years later and surprisingly theyre still together and they post each other which hurts seeing, theyre so happy together and im not even into my partner at all. Like he is ok he treats me alright and were in a healthy relationship and all but he isnt attractive to me
So whats really the point if my dream guy is another's?
I also got triggered a few weeks ago because this guy literally followed me again on insta at like 3 am and a few seconds later he deleted it?? I dont know if he did it on purpose or because he was stalking me but it felt good thinking that maybe he thought of me for at least a few seconds
And despite it being long ago I still think about the situation every day and I wonder why not me
And yes if he came back I'd probably break up with my actual bf and run to him instead
Sadly I deleted his phone number so there isnt really a way to reach him myself
Which I wouldnt have done anyway
Maybe if I was older it wouldve worked.
But what if I looked different? Maybe its truly all because of looks after all
I dont even know what to do I dont want another guy I want him and Id change myself entirely to find a way to be with him
Maybe after I turn 18 next year he'll reach out to me
And yes I know I am a pos to my bf and Im a horrible person, but Id rather be that than both heartbroken and alone
And since my bf is on this forum, sorry if u find ts
