What was happening?

[height]

What did happen?
I‘ve felt like my entire life wasn‘t real and everyone was just an avatar for god trying to help me. What was the purpose of this? What the fuck was the purpose of this?

 

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Not only everyone. Everything aswell.

 

[dipenhydramine]

hardest hitting post nut clarity in history

 

[height]

At some point i just had the question if i‘m in heaven. Like as in this is heaven but i had to see it in action to understand that it is. And then i just had the question if i‘m god myself and if i were to be god in that state i would be sad because i would be in heaven alone and that made me mad because i didnt understand why everyone is helping me just to see that nobody ever existed besides god and me and god is so infinetely powerful that he is everything at once. Just not me so i would be in his world but if then i‘m alone and everyone else is just simulated i‘d rather have a chance to be in a state of councilusness where other people are real atleast a few of them.

 

[height]

hardest hitting post nut clarity in history

i was sober for the time i just drank a bit sometimes.

 

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The positive part about it was that people don‘t actually suffer. Well i do but the others are just god pretending to suffer, to have emotions, to not be god but real humans

 

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Even those who make me mad are just helping me. Helping me to feel like i‘m not alone. That there is something besides god out there. That maybe i could live a real life if i just tried to obey god enough. That i‘m suddenly going to not just be a part of him but someone real in his world. But apparently nothing was ever real. Everything is just god pretending to be reality.

 

[height]

Is it still happening? Is this entire life just supposed to be a movie with Michael Douglas but instead of reality all i get is understanding that it‘s not real it‘s just god‘s multiverse and i can‘t even do anything about it? How lonely is that? It‘s also a bait and switch. Heaven should be different. There should be free will in heaven if reality is just heaven. I don‘t even know why i should have friends or a girlfriend now when i know it‘s just god pretending to be a person who likes me.