Why can't I be free

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

I can't go back to this fucking school I just can't I can't socialise, I can't do Smalltalk, I can't tell if they're being sarcastic or ironic (which makes it even harder to understand these disgusting buggers) and none of those fucking school lessons match my intressts in the slightest I hate it so much I can't take those loud noises I will lose my entire life again as soon as I step into this fucking disgusting building, the time is ticking and I just can't I don't want to go there again how am I supposed to survive with them I don't even know why that is such a big problem maybe I'm just being overly sensitive about it but I hate it there

 

[zayη]

are you bullied

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

are you bullied

A bit, but not in a way I would really care just like they make fun of me but not steal anything or hit me

 

[zayη]

A bit, but not in a way I would really care just like they make fun of me but not steal anything or hit me

soon you will be punched because you let even these things to happen

 

[zayη]

sign up to matrial arts and gym
school is fun when you have friends and bully others

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

soon you will be punched because you let even these things to happen

Even better, then I have a excuse to beat the shit out of them

 

[joxlum]

A bit, but not in a way I would really care just like they make fun of me but not steal anything or hit me

I feel for u man.
In the past 3 years of highschool ive been search by police and patted down inside head teachers office for weapons coz of a rumour, and rumours of me being a creep & stalking people got leaked, I got knocked out by the school jester, got addicted to nicotine and suspended for it, and got bullied alot for being weird and for having bad mental health, jokes ab my wrists and shit. And I get pushed around alot mainly just pushing, people stopped stealing my stuff and hitting me because I just do it back now and stop letting them walk all over me.
Another brutal thing when girls or anyone speaks to me i smirk and laugh and cant stop, and I can’t make eye contact either so I look like im just smiling at the wall its so embarrassing and my mum walks home coz my sister goes to a school near my school and my mum saw me walk the longest way I could because I had to keep turning around when I saw a group of girls or people who laugh at me.

 

[joxlum]

sign up to matrial arts and gym
school is fun when you have friends and bully others

I did boxing for a while but someone from my school went there so I quit coz he just used it as bullyfuel and so did other ppl.

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

I feel for u man.
In the past 3 years of highschool ive been search by police and patted down inside head teachers office for weapons coz of a rumour, and rumours of me being a creep & stalking people got leaked, I got knocked out by the school jester, got addicted to nicotine and suspended for it, and got bullied alot for being weird and for having bad mental health, jokes ab my wrists and shit. And I get pushed around alot mainly just pushing, people stopped stealing my stuff and hitting me because I just do it back now and stop letting them walk all over me.
Another brutal thing when girls or anyone speaks to me i smirk and laugh and cant stop, and I can’t make eye contact either so I look like im just smiling at the wall its so embarrassing and my mum walks home coz my sister goes to a school near my school and my mum saw me walk the longest way I could because I had to keep turning around when I saw a group of girls or people who laugh at me.

Man I'm so sorry, you deserve a lot better
Respect for telling so much

 

[joxlum]

Man I'm so sorry, you deserve a lot better
Respect for telling so much

no worries man, I mean what happened to me isnt as bad as most ppl, but ive made friends throughout, in my first year I made alot of friends coz I smoked & hung out with others who did and I got suspended alot and jester maxxed my way, in year 8 I was weird coz I lost every friend, in year 9 I made a few friends. And now I’m in my 2nd last year and I talk to one person from school & mainly hang out in the toilets and play mobile games all lunch time coz he is in a friend group and I am an outcast in his friend group & his friend group is literally the school outcasts. And whenever I insult someone they just ask how many friends I have.

 

[zayη]

I did boxing for a while but someone from my school went there so I quit coz he just used it as bullyfuel and so did other ppl.

people are cruel
i never was bullied but they tried to pick up on me 2 times in my life
it always ended with me impulsively after class knocking them out

 

[joxlum]

and when I lost all my friends + had alot of friends I expressed how shitty I felt everyday to my mum and I was in mental services but it’s gotten worse now, I don’t even hurt myself anymore i just feel miserable all the time but I don’t Ldar coz I wanna make something of myself even if I don’t do much I still try to not fully give up ever. I skipped school today coz my mum said I could have a mental health day off coz my anxiety was getting too bad and I broke down infront of her just because someone laughed at me on the way home. And with past bullying, anxiety doesnt let you forget even when I have a “good” day it still feels like the days I used to have when I was obese and very ugly, now im sligthly below average to average looks and skinny fat so the jokes are still made but made less

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

no worries man, I mean what happened to me isnt as bad as most ppl, but ive made friends throughout, in my first year I made alot of friends coz I smoked & hung out with others who did and I got suspended alot and jester maxxed my way, in year 8 I was weird coz I lost every friend, in year 9 I made a few friends. And now I’m in my 2nd last year and I talk to one person from school & mainly hang out in the toilets and play mobile games all lunch time coz he is in a friend group and I am an outcast in his friend group & his friend group is literally the school outcasts. And whenever I insult someone they just ask how many friends I have.

The toilet part is so relatable
I'm always on the toilets and just rot on my phone
Start of this year I sat down and some girls sat down behind me and started rating guys out of our class (but like normie rating) and then they talked about me in their loud foid way and said stuff like „i feel bad for his future wife, if he even gets one" „why can't everyone look like Benedikt" (hhtn out of our class)

 

[joxlum]

people are cruel
i never was bullied but they tried to pick up on me 2 times in my life
it always ended with me impulsively after class knocking them out

I may go back to martial arts but I think imma try and train calisthenics at home as im decent enough at fighting to put up a fight in school, and I just need strength coz I don’t eat much except goyslop coz I have restrictive eating which my current counsellors think to due to autism.
well for my ASD if I do have it, the things I struggle with are swallowing things, eating certain foods, talking and social shit, and bad self esteem and a no sense of self, like I feel I am just what people see me as and idk what I am or what I truly want

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

and when I lost all my friends + had alot of friends I expressed how shitty I felt everyday to my mum and I was in mental services but it’s gotten worse now, I don’t even hurt myself anymore i just feel miserable all the time but I don’t Ldar coz I wanna make something of myself even if I don’t do much I still try to not fully give up ever. I skipped school today coz my mum said I could have a mental health day off coz my anxiety was getting too bad and I broke down infront of her just because someone laughed at me on the way home. And with past bullying, anxiety doesnt let you forget even when I have a “good” day it still feels like the days I used to have when I was obese and very ugly, now im sligthly below average to average looks and skinny fat so the jokes are still made but made less

I don't understand how they make fun of you, youre one of the most wholesome users on here

 

[zayη]

I don't understand how they make fun of you, youre one of the most wholesome users on here

being kind to everybody is weakness

 

[joxlum]

The toilet part is so relatable
I'm always on the toilets and just rot on my phone
Start of this year I sat down and some girls sat down behind me and started rating guys out of our class (but like normie rating) and then they talked about me in their loud foid way and said stuff like „i feel bad for his future wife, if he even gets one" „why can't everyone look like Benedikt" (hhtn out of our class)

what would u rate yourself realistically? Im sitting in LTN catagory but people don’t rate me coz I look to effeminate. Like people mistake me for a young girl and when I say im male they assume in 2-3 years younger than I am

 

[joxlum]

I don't understand how they make fun of you, youre one of the most wholesome users on here

im kinda weird and have conflicting views and I have a history of saying slurs and threatening people. I dont do it anymore except I say some slurs with my only friend who says them too

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

what would u rate yourself realistically? Im sitting in LTN catagory but people don’t rate me coz I look to effeminate. Like people mistake me for a young girl and when I say im male they assume in 2-3 years younger than I am

I have a recessed chin.
Id rate myself mltn on a good day, my hair is already starting to get bad on the corners yk I think by 30 I will have the hair of a 80 year old

 

[joxlum]

people see my past self and dislike it, but all adults tell me im a gentleman and polite and im one of the nicest men in my generation, and everyone I’ve known says im a good person but they still don’t like me. I know how to treat people and how to treat women but it’s done nothing for me. i stand up for myself more and am kinda making friends with an old group i was with, like the school stoners coz me and my friend in year above are buying from him, not weed just nicotine but it can spark a conversation and eventually i may become feiends with them again

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

im kinda weird and have conflicting views and I have a history of saying slurs and threatening people. I dont do it anymore except I say some slurs with my only friend who says them too

Still you're kind, opinions Doesent change anything for me
Im pretty open about my views, my classmates know everything, as an example they all know that I have an German empire flag in my room because this fucking n****r added me to the class groupchat even tho I refused but I don't really care, I'm being pretty open about my views, even tho its a pretty left school (they dance to communist poems)

 

[joxlum]

I have a recessed chin.
Id rate myself mltn on a good day, my hair is already starting to get bad on the corners yk I think by 30 I will have the hair of a 80 year old

oh that sucks, i have recessed chin too, i bonesmash so my bones look more prominent but i refused to wear elastic bands in braces coz of sensory issues so i fucked myself over there

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

people see my past self and dislike it, but all adults tell me im a gentleman and polite and im one of the nicest men in my generation, and everyone I’ve known says im a good person but they still don’t like me. I know how to treat people and how to treat women but it’s done nothing for me. i stand up for myself more and am kinda making friends with an old group i was with, like the school stoners coz me and my friend in year above are buying from him, not weed just nicotine but it can spark a conversation and eventually i may become feiends with them again

I really understand you
Im quiet, polite and kind and the world just pays me back with rejection and laughter
If they gave me a single chance they would realise that I'm not a bad person

 

[joxlum]

Still you're kind, opinions Doesent change anything for me
Im pretty open about my views, my classmates know everything, as an example they all know that I have an German empire flag in my room because this fucking n****r added me to the class groupchat even tho I refused but I don't really care, I'm being pretty open about my views, even tho its a pretty left school (they dance to communist poems)

what country or ethnicity is your school? And what are your views? Imo i think government control is bad and laws should exist but be alot looser, i feel the government has too much control

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

oh that sucks, i have recessed chin too, i bonesmash so my bones look more prominent but i refused to wear elastic bands in braces coz of sensory issues so i fucked myself over there

So relatable, I used to have braces and it hurt so fucking bad but I went through if for about 2 years and then I got one to wear at night and that was so bad that I'd rather stay with my hideous face for my entire life

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

what country or ethnicity is your school? And what are your views? Imo i think government control is bad and laws should exist but be alot looser, i feel the government has too much control

Germany, my school is far left and I'm very very right

 

[joxlum]

Another thing thats bad is i mask which is a symptom of ASD and i can be loud and annoying and talk to myself when I’m not being quiet coz im tryna jestermax or fit in and i make a fool of myself

 

[joxlum]

Germany, my school is far left and I'm very very right

i know what right is but which views do you hold?

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

i know what right is but which views do you hold?

I don't want to get myself banned, take a wild guess

 

[joxlum]

I don't want to get myself banned, take a wild guess

I don't want to get myself banned, take a wild guess