why is grieving so odd

[redhoods_crowbar]

for context, last year on the 27th of sept i lost my mom to breast cancer

this isnt a pity post this is me asking a genuine question.
i was sixteen at the time, and since then ive had an odd time understanding grief.

it confuses me because i saw my family crying when she passed away but i just couldnt force myself to.
it wasnt that i wasnt sad because i was, of course i was id lost my mom. but it felt like it wasnt that shocking in a way i guess?

i have this stupid habit of rationalising things really quickly but then later on ill have random crying episodes.

same thing happened to my dog on the 3rd of jan this year, she died of white blood cell cancer.

does anyone have like advice on greiving or any information on it?

 

[hurricane]

I can’t cry, I’m sorry

 

[redhoods_crowbar]

I can’t cry, I’m sorry

you dont have to be sorry dude! sometimes people can sometimes people cant, as long as you cope in other ways that are healthy. but i get what you mean.

 

[giga.mia]

I’ve heard of this happening. It’s like a delayed grieving process because your brain is shocked. You feel numb to manage all the stress and then after a while the pent up emotions will come out
I’m so sorry about ur mom btw, I can’t even imagine how that was like

 

[Xx_Sh4tteredHe4rt_xX]

for context, last year on the 27th of sept i lost my mom to breast cancer

this isnt a pity post this is me asking a genuine question.
i was sixteen at the time, and since then ive had an odd time understanding grief.

it confuses me because i saw my family crying when she passed away but i just couldnt force myself to.
it wasnt that i wasnt sad because i was, of course i was id lost my mom. but it felt like it wasnt that shocking in a way i guess?

i have this stupid habit of rationalising things really quickly but then later on ill have random crying episodes.

same thing happened to my dog on the 3rd of jan this year, she died of white blood cell cancer.

does anyone have like advice on greiving or any information on it?

I feel u very deeply. I struggle to cry and express grief a lot, and by proxy, I feel like a terrible person for it. I mostly go into more of a numb state when things like that happen. Grieving is something you come to terms on by yourself, and u shouldn't feel pressured into crying.

 

[hurricane]

what I can tell you is:
I’m extremely detached when things get really serious or when the situation calls for a great deal of sensitivity

In my case, I’m quite certain it’s an adaptive mechanism geared towards efficiency – which certainly doesn’t mean I don’t care

What’s your relationship with your feelings? In general

 

[redhoods_crowbar]

I’ve heard of this happening. It’s like a delayed grieving process because your brain is shocked. You feel numb to manage all the stress and then after a while the pent up emotions will come out
I’m so sorry about ur mom btw, I can’t even imagine how that was like

your the sweetest thank you so much, this actually means the world to me, i stuggle to process emotions and ive been told that its may be to do with the fact im autistic but thank you so much for taking time in your day to explain this ❤

 

[polgrev]

for context, last year on the 27th of sept i lost my mom to breast cancer

this isnt a pity post this is me asking a genuine question.
i was sixteen at the time, and since then ive had an odd time understanding grief.

it confuses me because i saw my family crying when she passed away but i just couldnt force myself to.
it wasnt that i wasnt sad because i was, of course i was id lost my mom. but it felt like it wasnt that shocking in a way i guess?

i have this stupid habit of rationalising things really quickly but then later on ill have random crying episodes.

same thing happened to my dog on the 3rd of jan this year, she died of white blood cell cancer.

does anyone have like advice on greiving or any information on it?

damn bro sorry thats really hard

opening up to a trusted friend or someone who you truly care about can help alot

ive fortunately never had tragic things to deal with in my life yet so ill never understand what your going through

 

[redhoods_crowbar]

I feel u very deeply. I struggle to cry and express grief a lot, and by proxy, I feel like a terrible person for it. I mostly go into more of a numb state when things like that happen. Grieving is something you come to terms on by yourself, and u shouldn't feel pressured into crying.

thanks so much man, im glad im not the only one and youve pretty much described it perfectly for me. i feel like such a bad person because i see my family members crying and i feel like im not caring enough but now i feel like i do care i just have my own way of showing it.

 

[Xx_Sh4tteredHe4rt_xX]

damn bro sorry thats really hard

opening up to a trusted friend or someone who you truly care about can help alot

ive fortunately never had tragic things to deal with in my life yet so ill never understand what your going through

nothing tragic? At all?

 

[giga.mia]

your the sweetest thank you so much, this actually means the world to me, i stuggle to process emotions and ive been told that its may be to do with the fact im autistic but thank you so much for taking time in your day to explain this ❤

Yeah it’s totally normal, everyone has different grieving processes. Sometimes it’ll just happen later.

 

[redhoods_crowbar]

what I can tell you is:
I’m extremely detached when things get really serious or when the situation calls for a great deal of sensitivity

In my case, I’m quite certain it’s an adaptive mechanism geared towards efficiency – which certainly doesn’t mean I don’t care

What’s your relationship with your feelings? In general

it can be on and off for me, i often deflect them as a defensive mechanism due to trauma, but on a daily theyre more like a background buzz than something at the front of my brain

 

[Xx_Sh4tteredHe4rt_xX]

thanks so much man, im glad im not the only one and youve pretty much described it perfectly for me. i feel like such a bad person because i see my family members crying and i feel like im not caring enough but now i feel like i do care i just have my own way of showing it.

I get u exactly. Emotion is hard to show sometimes, and not crying doesn't mean u don't care. Sometimes, it just takes longer to feel like it, and other times, u never do. Nothing wrong with it, no reason to feel bad.

 

[hurricane]

what I can tell you is:
I’m extremely detached when things get really serious or when the situation calls for a great deal of sensitivity

In my case, I’m quite certain it’s an adaptive mechanism geared towards efficiency – which certainly doesn’t mean I don’t care

What’s your relationship with your feelings? In general

Okay, I’ve picked up a few things from your answers; all you had to do was say ‘autism’

 

[redhoods_crowbar]

damn bro sorry thats really hard

opening up to a trusted friend or someone who you truly care about can help alot

ive fortunately never had tragic things to deal with in my life yet so ill never understand what your going through

thank you for taking time to write this, i have reached out to people and i feel like at some point it wil hopefully get better.

and im genuinly glad that you havent had to deal with anything significantly traumatic and i hope it stays that way for you, but if anything does ever happen, know that there are people who are there who care

 

[polgrev]

nothing tragic? At all?

my old best friend overdosed last year, but he went down the wrong path many years ago so by the time he died itd been years since we talked

i still wrote his mom a card and gave her a loaf of bread my mom made tho

 

[redhoods_crowbar]

Okay, I’ve picked up a few things from your answers; all you had to do was say ‘autism’

this made me giggle icl, yes i am diagnosed with autism unfortuantly

 

[polgrev]

thank you for taking time to write this, i have reached out to people and i feel like at some point it wil hopefully get better.

and im genuinly glad that you havent had to deal with anything significantly traumatic and i hope it stays that way for you, but if anything does ever happen, know that there are people who are there who care

thanks bhai

 

[redhoods_crowbar]

my old best friend overdosed last year, but he went down the wrong path many years ago so by the time he died itd been years since we talked

i still wrote his mom a card and gave her a loaf of bread my mom made tho

im so sorry for your loss, the fact that you still wrote his mom a card and made her bread is genuinly so sweet, you have a good heart and its in the right place, i truly hope your friend is in a better place wherever that may be and i hope that your okay and have had time to process it ❤

 

[hurricane]

this made me giggle icl, yes i am diagnosed with autism unfortuantly

I could go into more technical detail, but other users have already given you useful answers
Take care

 

[redhoods_crowbar]

I could go into more technical detail, but other users have already given you useful answers
Take care

thank you this means alot, i appreciate you taking the time to talk about it